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#1
Dec 29, 2015, 07:58 AM
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Debating about how to handle mother. Feeling out other's instincts. Thanks for your help.
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#2
Dec 29, 2015, 08:03 AM
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Oops, this wasn't supposed to post, sorry.
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#3
Dec 29, 2015, 03:26 PM
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Quote:
  ok not that extreme but you DO deserve to be treated with love and respect, and I don't think she's capable of thinking about anyone but herself.
__________________
Borderline PD/Major Depression/Anxiety  Living well in recovery from mental illness is possible!
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#4
Dec 30, 2015, 08:42 AM
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Quote:
I'm trying to think of good Mom examples to show why emotions are so mixed. She let me be who I wanted to be to a point. She didn't brainwash me about sex, left me to learn about it on the streets. For this I am thankful. We've had countless good times and laughs, but ... Here's another strange part-- I've never had a true sense of identity. Whoever I was with, I dressed like, and took on their likes. I was a very good actress, able to become a character. I loved acting and would have happily done it every day of my life. I tried to go back to acting a few years ago, but got scared that now I had a hard time remembering lines, so I gave it up. My mother groomed me into becoming "The Material Girl" at the same time as Madonna. We lived in a place where rich old men paraded young trophy wives and there was a 'stable' of pros on call. Funny money and drugs were the fuel of the town. (Cont'd) |
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#5
Dec 30, 2015, 08:48 AM
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Now I'm not saying she was wrong. When I attracted someone who was actually the kingpin and way too dangerous (leave it to me, I was too good at the game, always went straight to the top), she told him to never call me again and wouldn't let me date him. Good move, Mom, he was brutally murdered. She only wanted me to find a nice husband. Which I did.
But I feel like I was groomed and pimped. It's my own short comings of lack of sense of self that allowed that to happen. Plus it made sense to find security instead of being single and struggling. But my true self is a creative person within the performing arts world. The play's the thing! |
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#6
Dec 30, 2015, 08:56 AM
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It's sad that at 80, the funny mom has been replaced by the hurting, regretful, bitter woman. I feel so sorry for her that she made such dumb choices to put herself into this depressing situation.
Remember Titanic where Rose's mother wants her to marry the rich guy because her mother was broke and needed money? And yet my mother couldn't just be nice and shut her wicked mouth! Unlike Rose who does abandon her mother, I'll do the right thing and not let my mom drown. Yes, I need to stop setting myself up and stop getting so upset when she says hurtful stuff to me. |
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#7
Dec 30, 2015, 09:48 AM
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Quote:
 I wish there was a way to really protect ourselves from parents but I think no matter how old we are we are like children, in that we always open our hearts to them and give them the benefit of the doubt. I probably project some of my own situation with my mother onto you! It does sound like in her own way she wanted you to be secure and protected with a rich husband! Maybe you can find ways to express that creativity now?
__________________
Borderline PD/Major Depression/Anxiety Living well in recovery from mental illness is possible!
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 TishaBuv
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#8
Dec 30, 2015, 11:11 AM
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Yes, when I am able to pull myself out of the depression, I refocus on creative and productive things.
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 DBTDiva
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