[Only_Human1983]

I'm going through that right now. It was a really horrible end to the year, finding out my ex narcissist is now engaged, fighting with my family and now feeling really lonely. I had a really bad dream about my ex last night and it's left me feeling really down today. I'm running all sorts through my mind, like why wasn't I good enough for him to want to marry?? Will I ever be good enough for anyone??

I have thought about online dating to try and help myself get over him, but I'm just petrified of meeting someone as I'm convinced they will leave me. Everyone has left me in the past, so I feel it will never be any different.

My sister said that people with really bad depression can't get out of bed for months at a time and my episodes never last that long, but if I'm not clinically depressed then why do I have thoughts of suicide and ending my life so much? Just before Christmas I was planning on staying at a hotel for a night and killing myself. I was so close at one point. So if that's not depression, what have I got?

My future just feels so black and I can't see a way forward. I don't want to be alone forever

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[kaliope]

you cannot compare yourself to what your sister said. everybody has their own measure for depression. i learned this a long time ago. i had a friend who was on disability for depression. disability...this to me meant that she could not function because her depression was so bad. so we were in art therapy and were talking about my suicidal tendencies. she says to me, "when you get that way, call me and we will go take a walk or something." and i was flabbergasted. seriously? go take a walk? has she never been suicidal? and she hadnt. so i learned then that depression is different for everyone. i function, have a job and wanted to die all the time. she couldnt function due to her depression, yet never thought about suicide. if you dont have a therapist, please seek out help. take care.

[ChipperMonkey]

Is your sister a psychiatrist?

No?

Stop listening to her. She's not qualified to diagnose depression. Depression is not a one size fits all kind of thing. Many people with clinical depression are able to function enough to hold down jobs and be successful. Others are at the other end and are completely non functional. It's a spectrum.

Oh, you say she is a psychiatrist?

Stop listening to her as she's a horrid psychiatrist!

As for the narc ex? I suggest you read up on personality disorders. You're applying real world logic to someone who lives by a different set of rules. (IME, that is, I've grown up with PD people.) This is crazy making. You will only feel worse.

[Only_Human1983]

Thank you both. It's nice to know I'm not going completely mad and depression has different forms.

I have read up about narcissists and I'm pretty convinced he is one as I can relate with all the signs, but I can't help thinking what if he isn't and He's just traded me for someone better.

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