Dilemma

I need some advice on healthy communication. What is the best way to explain my feelings to someone without them becoming defensive? For instance, my grown daughter has learned to back me off by snapping at me when she doesn't like the conversation. The minute she snaps at me, I start back pedaling and this never solves the problem, it just shuts me up.

I don't know if this will be helpful, but one thing I have learned is that using words like "we" instead of "you" can keep someone from becoming defensive. (ie: "I was hoping we could work on this problem," as opposed to "you have a problem."

Another thing that's worked for me over the years is to use the phrase, "I feel like," or "it seems to me," rather than just making an accusation. It kind of softens the blow and allows the other person to hopefully understand where you're coming from a little better.

If all else fails, maybe you could write out your thoughts and present them that way? I know it's easier for me to be able to think things through ahead of time and organize them on a piece of paper. Plus it gives the other person time to process everything without having a knee jerk reaction.

Can you give an example of a conversation where she would snap at you?

I am a grown daughter of a mother (). I used to snap before but now I just sit through the unpleasant conversations.

It starts by not trying to contol their reaction, in the first place.

I agree about "I" versus "you" statements. The "we" angle sounds well, too.

Learning to be assertive can help.

Has your relationship with her, been like this historically?

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