[Evaluna]

I split with my daughters father 4 years ago after 10 years together, married for 9. He has since had another child with someone else but this is of no consequence to me.

When we first got together I knew he had a son, then admitted later to a daughter, then I found out his ex was pregnant when he left. I was genuinely in love with him and accepted him as he came. But then just after I had our daughter some woman appeared at his mums house with a child he said he never knew existed. This wasn't while we had been together.

Throughout those years together, I watched as he failed to see those kids, provide financially for them or do anything for them despite me telling him he needed to be involved.

I've recently found out he and his mum and family are in touch regularly with all his other children, but not my daughter and it upsets me so much. His mum keeps in touch with these other mothers and goes to see her grandchildren, but literally never ever speaks to me or comes to see my daughter. Since he left he has always had unrestricted access to her, told him at any time he can see her but he chooses to see her maybe twice a year.

I don't want to start up any arguments about any of it but it's just not fair. Why does my daughter lose out on a father when his other children get to be in touch all the time? I always knew his mum never liked me when we were together, but whether she likes me or not its not my daughters fault. They're the ones losing out on being with an incredibly clever, funny, talented little girl so more fool them but I just don't see why she needs to be excluded.

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[Mountainbard]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. You're right, it's not your daughter's fault. Neither is it yours. You can't change your ex's mind or behavior, as much as you'd like. You can raise your little girl with love and care. Remember to be gentle with yourself.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by Evaluna

I don't want to start up any arguments about any of it but it's just not fair. Why does my daughter lose out on a father when his other children get to be in touch all the time? I always knew his mum never liked me when we were together, but whether she likes me or not its not my daughters fault. They're the ones losing out on being with an incredibly clever, funny, talented little girl so more fool them but I just don't see why she needs to be excluded.

Just an opinion, but any family member who isn't interested in being in my daughter's life, doesn't deserve to be. While it is true that your little girl deserves a father, it sounds like she doesn't have one - she just has a sperm donor. More is the shame for her that no daddy exists - but it sounds like there are some advantages for her that he is out of her life. I'm grateful for her sake that she has one awesome parent.

[healingme4me]

As unfair as it sounds, maybe there's a silver lining? Doesn't sound like much parental interference where he's uninvolved. Not that it takes the burden off of you nor the utter disappointment your daughter must feel. Rise above it and take pity on the man that he's showing himself to be.



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[divine1966]

I am so sorry. This man clearly likes to procreate ( guess he hasn't heard about wearing a condom) but not raise his kids. I know it is sad that your daughter has no father but it might be a blessing as he could be a bad influence. It doesn't sound like his family is much better either.

Find somebody who might be good "father" figure like grandpa or uncle or family friend.

In terms of child support he is required to pay so I hope judge demands at least that from him

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[Rose76]

They don't deserve her. And she may be well off to not have much to do with these shallow, uncaring people. Forget about them. Get what child support the law compells him to provide, and, then, consider him beneath your notice.