[defyinggravity65]

I have been obsessing that the reason I have no friends is because I feel chronic jealousy of other people that I don't know how to deal with. I feel like I always have the be the best and feel almost threatened when someone is better than me to the point of where I just want to be alone to avoid the comparisons I will eventually make.
This is so narcissistic and depressing and I really don't know what to do about it and I feel like I'm just an evil person deep down. How can I change this quality?

[Crazy Hitch]

I think the question of what to do to go about changing this quality certainly isn't a straightforward answer.

And I say this is because personally I think that the reasons why you feel this way are so deep rooted and didn't happen overnight.

But acknowledging that this is an issue is the first step towards change. You can't change what you don't acknowledge.

My bet is that you're going to need professional help on this one. I'd recommend a therapist.

[defyinggravity65]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

I think the question of what to do to go about changing this quality certainly isn't a straightforward answer.

And I say this is because personally I think that the reasons why you feel this way are so deep rooted and didn't happen overnight.

But acknowledging that this is an issue is the first step towards change. You can't change what you don't acknowledge.

My bet is that you're going to need professional help on this one. I'd recommend a therapist.

Okay thank you

[~Christina]

I agree with Hitch on this one

It will take work on your part but you are improving your life so it's worth it.

[Trippin2.0]

Why don't you believe you are good enough as you are?


Why the need to compete?


Don't you like yourself?

[defyinggravity65]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Why don't you believe you are good enough as you are?


Why the need to compete?


Don't you like yourself?

Not really

@ The O.P, well, being jealous of others, especially if it's obvious is going to make it almost impossible to make any quality friends. Therapy would probably help you. Also, read books on jealousy and on the internet too.

Try to stop comparing yourself to others. Try to focus on what's good about you. There will always be people who are smarter, better looking, and more talented that you out there. I wish that I was a rich movie star like Jessica Alba at times who has the perfect body sometimes, but I'm not jealous of her although I do envy her a little as well as people like her.

It sounds like maybe you have some self esteem issues. I'd try to work on that too if I were you. Good luck with everything.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by defyinggravity65

Not really

May I ask why not?


If you're not ccomfortable sharing, that's ok, its still a good starting point for you to address the root of this problem.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by defyinggravity65

I have been obsessing that the reason I have no friends is because I feel chronic jealousy of other people that I don't know how to deal with. I feel like I always have the be the best and feel almost threatened when someone is better than me to the point of where I just want to be alone to avoid the comparisons I will eventually make.
This is so narcissistic and depressing and I really don't know what to do about it and I feel like I'm just an evil person deep down. How can I change this quality?

This is the opposite of narcissistic. As far as I understand a narcissist would feel like they were the best or better than others in spite of any apparent flaws. You, on the other hand don't feel like you live up to standards at all. You seem to place a great deal of importance on comparisons to others and how you match up to their standards of -- well whatever it is you're comparing.

changing this way of thinking is about acceptance of where you are, and who you are now. It is as simple as knowing there will be people that in certain aspects of their lives, they will be more successful, but there will always be people both more and less successful than you in many ways. Know that even if the people you are with and dealing with at the moment happen to be more successful, more financially stable, smarter or what not, that there are also those less off than you and think on this. Accept this.

There is no real reward to be "better" than anyone else, your status in life really only is something that affects you. Keep in mind those, for me anyway, that I think of as my best friends are not those I think are better off or better than me, but more importantly I feel accepted by them. They are the ones that I feel most accepted and equal to. Do they do some things better than me? sure. Do they have flaws too? of course. But again, more than anything, we accept each other.

This is not an easy place to come to in life. Acceptance of one's self. But it is achievable and something I think would change your life and self tremendously.

[Trippin2.0]

As always.... Excellent post S4!

[defyinggravity65]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

This is the opposite of narcissistic. As far as I understand a narcissist would feel like they were the best or better than others in spite of any apparent flaws. You, on the other hand don't feel like you live up to standards at all. You seem to place a great deal of importance on comparisons to others and how you match up to their standards of -- well whatever it is you're comparing.

changing this way of thinking is about acceptance of where you are, and who you are now. It is as simple as knowing there will be people that in certain aspects of their lives, they will be more successful, but there will always be people both more and less successful than you in many ways. Know that even if the people you are with and dealing with at the moment happen to be more successful, more financially stable, smarter or what not, that there are also those less off than you and think on this. Accept this.

There is no real reward to be "better" than anyone else, your status in life really only is something that affects you. Keep in mind those, for me anyway, that I think of as my best friends are not those I think are better off or better than me, but more importantly I feel accepted by them. They are the ones that I feel most accepted and equal to. Do they do some things better than me? sure. Do they have flaws too? of course. But again, more than anything, we accept each other.

This is not an easy place to come to in life. Acceptance of one's self. But it is achievable and something I think would change your life and self tremendously.

That was a beautiful response and I really appreciate it. I know that I have low self esteem and not everything I do is narcissistic, but it still feels like to me that I have to be the "best" in a friend group or not be friends with anyone at all because I am too insecure. And sometimes the judgements I make as to why I am worse, but especially why I am better, may be incorrect.
I really enjoyed reading your response though and I agree, self-acceptance is key!