Growing up and then until my Daddy died, the fourth was our biggest holiday.

So, when I moved in with my mother, the celebrations were still going on. BUT, with a huge difference. My sisters took turns hosting them. I lived there three years and it was never, ever mentioned that Colleen and I could host one at the HOMESTEAD. What that would have meant to all of the kids, nieces and nephews, is unfathomable. They all mentioned it to us and hoped we'd get to host one year.

My oldest sister has a big family and except for the year my BIL died and Colleen and I took over and did ALL of the work for the funeral, they've never even acted like my family exists. It was a huge deal to them when we did all of the work, cooked all of the food, served all of them, made them laugh and cry and in general, we made a really good day out of it for them. They talked about it for weeks.

We have never been invited to any of their homes, except for the niece that lives right near the ranch. When the day was over, we were so excited....we envisioned dinners together, softball, activities, etc.

Then when one of them turned to drugs, who did they call to come down and make all of the arrangements for his committal? Yup, the Therapist in the family. Yet, when they had portraits made for their Christmases, etc.....did they call the professional photographer in the family? No. They went to Sears.

When we made beautiful jewelry to sell at local craft shows and I packaged up photographs to send away that people had ordered from me, were they complimentary? Here is what my evil sister said...."I can't believe that anyone would spend $125 on a picture of some old dinettes......

So, I'm hurting today. I miss my parents horribly and I know I won't get a call. It's just like all the years that I was in New Mexico and Lawton. It was too far for them to drive, but, Pat would you leave your bed and breakfast and come stay a month and care for Mom and Dad??????

And while you're here, would you pay for air conditioning, food, clothes, linens, etc. They always had a list. And the bad thing was that Mom had to have all of that stuff or suffer. They fed her a can of Vienna sausage for dinner each night!!!!!!! No vegetables, no A/C (my mom had plenty of money for those necessities) no comfortable recliner, etc. My daddy died five years before my mom did. It almost killed her and it hurt him so much to go before her. He saw the handwriting on the wall, and talked to me about , concerning the care that my sisters doled out.

The sister next to me and my brother have three times the money that I had then.

When she died, they were overjoyed with how much money was left in her account to divide amongst us. I almost threw up........

I guess I need some loving and family vibes today.........xoxoxo pat

[seeker1950]

Hi, dear Pat,
That's tough to deal with, and just know you are truly loved here!
Love
Patty

[GYPSYEYES]

{{{{{{{{{{{{PAT}}}}}}}}}}}}}

i think you are an remarkable woman!!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{PAT}}}}}}}}}}}}

XOXOXO Vanessa

[tranquility]

((((((((Pat))))))))

Families are so hard! I know that the hardest thing for me in my life recoveries is to accept that I can't get what I want from my mother. It's like, because they are blood it's a given that they should be the ideal family member - right?

And I know I have some friends that are closer to me than family but it just never seems the same.

I hope you can feel my warm arms around you giving you all the love and energy that the universe has given me to share in this moment.

Tranquility

pat.....i'm so sorry for your pain.....i love you

[bebop]

Pat I am sorry this happened to you. I can so identify with you. When my mom died all her family left my brothers and I out of family gatherings. It sucked big time.
Also the 4th was my mil's favorite holiday. she loved to blow up firecrackers and would start very early in the mornings til late at night. Today I am really missing her too. (((hugs)))

[sabby]

Dear ((((((((((((((((((((((((Pat))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I hope you know in your heart and mind that for all you have done for your family out of love and responsibility will not go unnoticed by the one who truly matters.

Families can be so irritating and stupid sometimes. Lord knows where their brains are at. They say and do hurtful things and never seem to understand the ramifications.

Know that your thoughts and feelings are validated here. I understand where you are coming from. I hope you can find some peace in knowing that you have tried your very best to do the right thing. Those things will come back to you throughout your life when you need them most.

You are a thoughtful, loving and giving person, and someone, somewhere is smiling today because of the good you have filled their hearts with. You are SPECIAL!



xoxoxo
Jean

[Wants2Fly]

I hate the word sucks (because I know it's nasty little history). Your family sucks. Big time.

You don't. You are golden, my gal, a bright light in my universe.

[katheryn]

(((((((((((((((pat)))))))))))))))
if we were living closer i would invite you over,
i understand not being included in family gatherings, it does suck but you are better than them

[UCLAFan]

My Aunt and Uncle are to busy for me.Every year i see less of them and they live like 3 miles from me. I'd do all the work to communicate with them. But after so many years of them not taking the time to pick up the phone just to say hi to me.I have stopped calling them.The rest of my family is elseqwhere and my aunt and uncle are the only familt near me. It was hard for me to stop calling them. But i got tired of hearing how busy they are. Plus in early 2006 i was sick and they would not help me. They had the nerve to tell me go ask your social worker for help. Ok they have done that often.It hurts to be ignored.Have been ignored by my family most of my life.I hate when familys do that to their own blood.I hope things get easier for you and everyone else that has major family issues..My T told me not to pick up the phone to call them any more. Some times at night. I sit in my apartment all alone.I get lonely and tempted to call them. But have not spoken to them but a total of 3 times this year.

[beelieving]

Hi Pat,

You seem like this beautiful, creative, colorful butterfly who just wants to lift off and soar... but your family keeps splashing water onto your wings, creating too much of a burden for flight. You deserve to fly freely and have your wings warmed by people who’ll love and respect you. I’m so sorry you can’t find this within your own family. Know that you are loved here.

Sending sunlight for those wings. ~ Bee

[dottie]

I don't understand what's up with so many families.In my opinion somewhere along the way they just became rude and ill bred.Sad!

[UCLAFan]

I don't get it either.I stopped wondering why people are like that. Ok kind of.

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((Pat)))))))))))))))

You are such a special woman and i wish that i could reach through the computer and give you a real hug because on here doesn't seem to do much justice to how your post touched my heart.

Sending good vibes and thoughts
Take good care,

Jacq

bawling again over how much love i can feel from all of you..........

yesterday went by. my "good" neighbor barbecued and gifted me with all kinds of good veggies and sodas and such. i bought myself a huge "black diamond" watermelon and cut it....talked to my oldest daughter who is moving down.

went to bed at 8:30.....i still had some life in me though my drunken neighbor (who cut my trees down) was out in his yard, stumbling around and talking about the fireworks...so....when the fireworks started, i turned my floodlights on..... and went to bed. revenge is best served up as a cold dish.(or in this case, a BRIGHT one)

the devil made me do it and i totally enjoyed it. all those magnificent 50 year old trees.....gone.....so he couldn't see the fireworks, big deal.......

but that is the only time i "acted" out all day.........

love you guys so much. thanks for every word, comma and period you typed.......xoxoxo pat

[katheryn]

(((((((((((((((((((pat)))))))))))))))))

dont you love revenge served with lights