[happinesseludes]

I recently endured a broken engagement. Its painful and he was not a bad guy I still love him so much but I know that marriage isn't right with him. I am 31 I have a great family and friends that have showed me such compassion and have helped so much. I am truly blessed with a great support system and I am thankful. They have loved me when I wasn't lovable.

I struggle because I thought by now I would be married and have a family of my own. I do have a good life and want to be happy but honestly in my heart of hearts what I want most is a husband and a family of my own. How can I find contentment and not focus not so much on the fact that my life isn't what I thought it would be. Sometimes I fixate on the fact that I'm alone and there are no guarantees I will ever find someone or get married. I know a relationship will not magically make me happy I have to find my own happiness. I don't want to miss out on the joy and happy things that I do have bc I'm focused on what I don't have.

Any suggestions?

[RomanSunburn]

I don't really have any suggestions, but I understand what your saying, just from the other side of the coin.

The only goal I've reached that I set for myself when I was younger was to be married by the time I was 25. I got married the year I turned 25. I love my husband more than anything and he is the most important thing in my life.

That being said, I haven't been able to reach any of my other goals or follow any of my plans. I wanted to graduate college like a "normal" person, get settled in a career, travel with my husband, and wait until later to even consider having kids. I wanted to enjoy the early years of my marriage, just me and my husband.

Well, I just turned 29, and I am still working on that bachelor's degree. I've gotten to travel, but that's more by sheer luck and not even with my husband. I've reached a point where I feel like I really need to decide... Do I want a career when (if) I graduate? or do I want kids?

I haven't got to the place I want to be. I don't feel like I got to enjoy the early years of my marriage--I've been too busy struggling in school and dealing with MI. I also have a lot of guilt. My husband has sacrificed so many things for me...all of the things he really wanted for himself. He's also not where he wants to be in life, and I feel like it's my fault.

I will say having my husband in my life has been extremely helpful, for lack of a better word. He has supported me through so many dark times. But there are times I wish he had never fallen in love with me.

I'm also struggling to find contentment. Like you, I feel like I should be grateful for what I have, and I am, very much so. But there's still this gaping hole in my life, this feeling of being completely separated from everyone. Sometimes I get caught up thinking how I don't really have "peers." The people my age are having kids and working full time "adult" jobs; the people I take classes with are worrying about "normal," college-age things.

I know this sense of contentment is going to have to come from within me. My husband can't fix me; I have to do it myself. But I'm not sure I'm going to be finding it any time soon, I'm not sure where to look...

Sorry this turned into such a long post all about me, me, me. I just wanted you to know, I can relate to the way you're feeling, just in a slightly different way.

[yagr]

You can have anything you want in life, but you can't have everything. Since you don't have the marriage right now, perhaps focus on the other things you would like to do in life. Would you like to travel? Well, family commitments can throw a monkey wrench into that goal. School? And extra class or two on the side might fit into your life well right now. And while you are busy doing these other things - you just might meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with - after all, they have some of the same interests.

[JustJenny]

yagr made a really good point. Concentrate on the things that you can do right now, because once you are in a serious relationship again your priorities will change.

Originally Posted by happinesseludes

I recently endured a broken engagement. Its painful and he was not a bad guy I still love him so much but I know that marriage isn't right with him. I am 31 I have a great family and friends that have showed me such compassion and have helped so much. I am truly blessed with a great support system and I am thankful. They have loved me when I wasn't lovable.

I struggle because I thought by now I would be married and have a family of my own. I do have a good life and want to be happy but honestly in my heart of hearts what I want most is a husband and a family of my own. How can I find contentment and not focus not so much on the fact that my life isn't what I thought it would be. Sometimes I fixate on the fact that I'm alone and there are no guarantees I will ever find someone or get married. I know a relationship will not magically make me happy I have to find my own happiness. I don't want to miss out on the joy and happy things that I do have bc I'm focused on what I don't have.

Any suggestions?

Your thinking is legitimate. Different people have different desires based on what they have right now. Seeking something doesn't mean to give up what you already have. You built your "good" life and you are ready to invest it in a relationship.

Said that, I think ultimately true happiness comes from within. Family probably will give your life meaning and motivation.

As of a suggestion, have you tried online dating? May be it is easier to find people there, at least for women.