My friend has suddenly kind of been less than nice lately. I am not treated well by her and she says that it's my own fault. She makes me feel at fault for things (all things). I could probably say "you look great today" and rather than enjoy that, she makes me feel guilty for neglecting to say that she looked great yesterday. She takes things I say and kind of turns them inside out and around and then I feel like dirt.

I know she could be dealing with an issue that I'm not aware of, but what if she's not?

Is it my own self-esteem issue that makes me only see it as my fault?

My logic is totally failing me here. Friends should not make you feel like dirt. If they do, then they are not friends. Right?

[TishaBuv]

Right.

How do you react to it in the moment?

[~Christina]

Im sorry your dealing with AFS (asshole friend syndrome)

Everyone has bad days or even weeks ,, But this person seems to think its okay to be stupid and rude as a lifestyle.

Are you able to have a sit down adult conversation with this person? If that doesn't seem possible I would just back off seeing and dealing with her for a while and then see if you want or need this type of person in your liufe

You are far to kind of a person to be treated so poorly by a " friend"

[healingme4me]

I don't believe that there's room for blame and guilt trips in friendships or any relationship for that matter.

Who goes around telling friends, well it's your own fault?

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[JustJenny]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

I know she could be dealing with an issue that I'm not aware of, ..

I think it's that. Can you give her some space, not talk to her for some days? Maybe she will snap out of it and apologize?

[Rose76]

Put some time and distance between her and you. Leave it to her to seek you out. She is taking you for granted. She pulls what she gets away with. That's a habit and you can, possibly, help her break it. But you have to give her consequences for being out of line. As your close associate (I'm avoiding the word, friend.) she knows your tendency to doubt yourself and makes the most of it to vent her negativity.

Maybe you are a horrible person. In that case, why does she bother spending time with you. Next time she starts this stuff, tell her that. Say, "You know, I really am a bad person and you should not have to put up with me. Go find someone more worthy of your time and attention." Then leave her presence. She'll come to realise that, either she stops this miserable negativity, or she you will not be around her.

We all have faults, and I'm sure you have yours. But a friend can approach you, if there is an issue, in a constructive way. Other people don't really "make us feel" this way, or that way. If we have insecurities gnawing away at us, someone who knows us well can aggravate those insecurities. This is usually because, somehow, that makes them feel superior.

You have to make up your own mind whether you are dirt, or not. If you kind of think that you probably are not worth much, then you might as well not be.

People who are "dealing with issues" don't, just for that reason, become total $hitheads to other people. A person might become a bit irritable and act out of sorts. When a decent person does that, they say, "Forgive me, I'm out of sorts today." There is an old saying: 'You teach people how to treat you." I believe it.

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

My friend has suddenly kind of been less than nice lately. I am not treated well by her and she says that it's my own fault. She makes me feel at fault for things (all things). I could probably say "you look great today" and rather than enjoy that, she makes me feel guilty for neglecting to say that she looked great yesterday. She takes things I say and kind of turns them inside out and around and then I feel like dirt.

I know she could be dealing with an issue that I'm not aware of, but what if she's not?

Is it my own self-esteem issue that makes me only see it as my fault?

My logic is totally failing me here. Friends should not make you feel like dirt. If they do, then they are not friends. Right?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry to hear that! She sounds mean. Is it possible that she's a narcissist? You need to speak up and tell her that it's not right to talk to you that way and that you deserve to be treated with respect. Make sure that you tell her that in person and not over the phone, text, or email to where anything you say might be misinterpreted.

And she won't have the chance to ignore you as well. Make sure that you two are alone somewhere private so that she can save face and be able to talk to you openly back (hopefully). Keep the tone of your voice down and just act concerned about your friendship and how what she's doing is hurting your feelings and making you feel bad about yourself.

You could start out by saying, I know that you've been going through a roudh time lately, but that doesn't give you the right to put me down. I'm not a doormat. I value your friendship, but if this behaviour continues, I'll have to stop seeing you until your behaviour towards me changes. Never say you are thoughtless, rude, or use any kind of accusatory language.

And you can use the same example that you used above and tell her well, when I compliment someone, they usually say thank you. And then tell her that it's unrealistic to always be complimenting her all the time. Maybe then she'll start to see that her behaviour is weird, rude, and not normal. It sounds like she has self esteem issues, or maybe she's just a very vain and egocentric person.

After you do this if she still continues with her rude behaviour, then take action and avoid her until SHE apologizes to you, or stops being rude to you.
Also, the next time that she blames you for something being your fault, tell her that it wasn't, and then change the subject. It sounds like she might be trying to bring you down in order to feel better about herself. If she was my friend, I'd 86 her if she didn't change pronto. Who needs negative friends like that?

Don't wait to talk to her in person. Do it soon. If you let people treat you like crap, then most people will do just that. Don't let other people treat you like a doormat. You have to be assertive in order to get the respect that you deserve.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I don't think it's a good idea to surround yourself with people who make you feel like dirt.
Better to find a new friend.

Defend yourself. If she tells you that "I looked great yesterday" find a polite response to that. If you don't defend yourself she will continue abusing you, and you will keep feeling bad about yourself. If she doesn't change, then you need to think about your relationship altogether. But I would try the first approach as you said you have low self-esteem. An unfortunate fact is that people with low self-esteem are viewed weak, and thus will be taken advantage of. So, I suggest to start with your self-esteem.

You are all great!

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. All the replies gave me the perspective I need.
I am not as bad as she makes out. If I was, she would not have been friends with me for 3 years.
So, yes, I will give her some space so that we both know that I'm worth something. Then we'll just see.

Sometimes, you are too close to a subject to be objective. And when you get hurt, it makes it doubly hard to see things the way they truly are.

Thank you all.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Im sorry your dealing with AFS (asshole friend syndrome)

Everyone has bad days or even weeks ,, But this person seems to think its okay to be stupid and rude as a lifestyle.

Are you able to have a sit down adult conversation with this person? If that doesn't seem possible I would just back off seeing and dealing with her for a while and then see if you want or need this type of person in your liufe

You are far to kind of a person to be treated so poorly by a " friend"