[mf1438]

I just finished reading the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I took the profile. My primary love languages are Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation.

I am love starved. I desperately need encouragement, words of affirmation. Looking back on my life I can now see how my grandmother saved my life. When all had given up on me, my mother, my father, my sister, my grandmother still encouraged me. She believed in me when I did not believe in myself and eventually I triumphed over adversity. It was hard. It took years and years, but when I graduated from college and my grandmother was there to see how I had finally made something of myself, I was so happy.

The book was encouraging and answered a lot of questions for me. It opened my eyes to a big missing piece in my marriage. My wife doesn’t want to talk about it. She doesn’t want to read the book. She doesn’t want to do the Tank Check game.

But I did start the exercise From Chapter 12: Loving the Unlovely. This is where you ask your spouse for feedback “I’ve been thinking about us and I’ve decided that I would like to be a better husband to you.”

Has anybody tried this? I’m looking for some words of encouragement, letting me know I’m on the right track.

[divine1966]

5 love languages is an awesome book. We've been talking about it with my fiancée. We were never truly appreciated in our past relationship/ marriages, well he was downright abused. We are very mindful of meeting each other needs and making an effort to treat each other right. I tend to be impatient and snap so I am trying to be a better partner to him and he tends to get lazy so he works on that. So far so good. I think you are on a right track!!!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Personally, I don't believe in mimicking what books say. For example, I'm a very shy guy. So, when I search what I can do about it, I'll find some specific suggestions like say this and do that. It doesn't sound genuine to me. Giving some general guidelines is insightful (like be genuine, be honest, be considerate, truly listen, ... etc), but giving some sentences to say, which may you don't mean, isn't helpful, in my opinion.

In many of your posts you said your wife doesn't want to do this or talk about that. What about you do and talk about what she wants instead. May be if we change, others will change, too.

[divine1966]

5 love languages is an awesome book. I never met anyone who wouldn't find that book useful. It's about meeting each other needs and speaking each other languages etc it is very common sense with great examples. it is for people who are in a relationship or married, not when you just considering meeting someone.

Actually what you are saying wandering soul makes a total sense. Like talking to her about what she wants to talk about not just what you want. That's exactly what this book is about. Speak each other language not just your own.

I find the whole situation rather unfair. You state you don't feel loved and you want this or that from your wife. Yet you cheat on her. I doubt any woman wants to give man love or sleep with him if he cheats. Sure maybe she doesn't know but she most likely suspects

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I haven't read the book. My comment was as a result of the original poster saying he wants to tell his wife that: “I’ve been thinking about us and I’ve decided that I would like to be a better husband to you.” If he doesn't mean that, saying it is meaningless. Actions speak louder than words.

[divine1966]

If he really wants to be a better husband it's not wrong to get ideas from the book. I don't know if he is sincere. I hope so. Although I personally think that after cheating takes places relationship is gone forever. But it's just me. If he is op addicted to sex he says he is) it's not his wife's job to satisfy his addiction


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[healingme4me]

I was given this book, ironically, as a wedding gift. Never actually used it with my ex husband. For giggles, took the quiz in my last relationship.

As I mentioned in OP's other thread Quality Time was Primary. Affirmation/Touch tied as secondary.

Seems a valient attempt to try to display an effort. But isn't this the same wife that makes disparaging remarks about your being in therapy, anyways? What more can you do?

My cousin and his wife gave me the book. Gosh their oldest has either just started college or is on her way. My cousins wife admitted that having regular dinners growing up could be hit or miss depending on what beverage sat on the counter. She recognizes her own equivalent golfers handicap in relationships and they just work at it and communicate and have a higher sense of purpose. 5 languages is just one tool in their marriage.