Just a little article from WebMD magazine. I see a lot of folks having a hard time making and finding new friends in this day and age.

As an adult, developing friendships can be challenging. But difficult as it may be, you can find and nurture the friendships that make life a happier, more meaningful journey. Here’s how. Be a good friend. Trite as it may sound, to have a good friend, you must be a good friend. Truly listen and be respectful, supportive, and caring. In your interactions, be reliable and trustworthy. Commit to regular activities. Forming friendships takes time and exposure. If you do something on a regular basis with others, you create an opportunity for friendships to develop. Walk after work weekly with an acquaintance, for example, or go to a monthly book club. Be persistent. If you’ve been hurt
by a friend in the past, consider whether you’ve learned something about how you might approach friendships differently. Allow yourself to mourn, but don’t shut down enjoying the closeness of people in your life. Adjust your expectations. You may want friendship to provide support, connect around deep issues, and help you out in practical ways. Keep in mind that you are unlikely to find one person to fill all those roles.

[Little Lulu]

Thanks for this Denise. I've recently moved to a new state and I can attest to the fact that making new friends takes time and effort.

I'll add one additional thought that sort of fits in the Be Persistent category. Not all attempts at friendship work out. One person I spent a lot of time with last summer turned out not to be compatible for various reasons. It was painful to let go as she was one of the first people I connected with. We are amiable now but don't spend time together like we did. I've picked up and moved on and so has she, all for the best.

[barbella]

Thanks for posting this. I wouldn't have seen it otherwise. Good advice from you both.

Originally Posted by Little Lulu

Thanks for this Denise. I've recently moved to a new state and I can attest to the fact that making new friends takes time and effort.

I'll add one additional thought that sort of fits in the Be Persistent category. Not all attempts at friendship work out. One person I spent a lot of time with last summer turned out not to be compatible for various reasons. It was painful to let go as she was one of the first people I connected with. We are amiable now but don't spend time together like we did. I've picked up and moved on and so has she, all for the best.

I agree with you 100%. Sorry to hear about that relationship.

The older we get the harder it is to find new friends we are compatible with. I suffer from PTSD... That makes it hard for me to trust people. I can count on one hand how many good friends I have.

I met a friend 12 years ago through her mom. She's from London. Every year she would come to visit her mom in NYC. I love her like a sister. We can talk on the phone for hrs. Until 3 years ago she came here and I saw the other side of her. She got jealous because my apt is immaculate. I saw her face looking sour after a day. She came to spend the weekend. I took her home and from that day... Not another word said. Everything was fine until she came to my home and saw how I live.

I have no tolerance for foolishness like that! I'll just stick to the few friends I have now.

Originally Posted by barbella

Thanks for posting this. I wouldn't have seen it otherwise. Good advice from you both.

You are so welcome!

For me I think there are two groups of people: those who are naturally sociable, and those who are not. May be social skills can be learned, but I haven't succeeded in mastering any, no matter how hard or long I try, I don't know why, but what I know for sure is that knowing how to make friends doesn't necessarily help, and I read and listened to too many books on this subject. I think social isolation cannot get worse than mine, and I probably need to connect with others more than any body else, as I am on the brink of becoming crazy (I talk to myself most of the time to compensate for the lack of interactions with others, as I sometimes don't talk to any body for days at a time). So, it is not like that I am not serious, as some would say. May be reading these kind of advice will help others with less personal challenges. I don't think most people understand the challenges some of us facing, especially if they have friends and social circles already, or any kind of human interactions including sons and daughters. They might think: "Oh, well do this and do that and you will be OK and have friends just like that", I don't think it works this way. Anyway, thank you for the piece of advice, which might help some

Originally Posted by Nickname

For me I think there are two groups of people: those who are naturally sociable, and those who are not. May be social skills can be learned, but I haven't succeeded in mastering any, no matter how hard or long I try, I don't know why, but what I know for sure is that knowing how to make friends doesn't necessarily help, and I read and listened to too many books on this subject. I think social isolation cannot get worse than mine, and I probably need to connect with others more than any body else, as I am on the brink of becoming crazy (I talk to myself most of the time to compensate for the lack of interactions with others, as I sometimes don't talk to any body for days at a time). So, it is not like that I am not serious, as some would say. May be reading these kind of advice will help others with less personal challenges. I don't think most people understand the challenges some of us facing, especially if they have friends and social circles already, or any kind of human interactions including sons and daughters. They might think: "Oh, well do this and do that and you will be OK and have friends just like that", I don't think it works this way. Anyway, thank you for the piece of advice, which might help some

Agree with you also on your great insights about the two types of groups. When I was younger I had no problem making friends. After High school it got worst. I am a very shy and very much an introvert. My mom is such a people person.

You are not alone and I feel your pain Nickname. Do we really want to make friends or we are afraid of been judged?

Originally Posted by Denise2791

....You are not alone and I feel your pain Nickname. Do we really want to make friends or we are afraid of been judged?

Overcoming fear of being judged is essential to connect with people, yet I think it is not like if you want friends and relationships, then you can defeat your fear. The intensity of emotions in social situations over weigh the desire to connect at the moment. Of course, later loneliness will be more painful, simply because there is nor social situation to trigger your anxiety and fear. There are many automatic thoughts that are triggered by social situations.