[0670kb]

So, the past several months I've felt horribly confused. I can't tell if it's depression or if I just stopped feeling feelings.. I don't feel sad, I occasionally feel angry, and rarely happy/excited. This lack of emotion has me acting out in ways I never thought I would and I can't figure the source of my .. whatever this is.

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, it is [or, was] a healthy relationship, he's a great guy, we get along great etc. For some reason the sex got incredibly boring. I had tried speaking with him countless occasions on why I'm unhappy with our sex life and nothing changed. Months later I cheated on him. I tried telling him we needed a break because I didn't know where my head was, I needed some time to myself. That worked for about a day. We're still together, and I am still cheating. I don't know why I'm doing it, I don't know why I don't feel bad, I'm quite literally destroying my own life as well as someone else's and I have no clue what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. Is it a phase? I don't feel any excitement out of cheating, I don't feel anything.

[Skeezyks]

Hello 0670kb: I see this was your first post here on PsychCentral. I'm sorry no one has replied to your post until now. I hope you will find the time you spend here on PC to be of benefit. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more connected to the community you will feel.

I'm not sure I really have much to offer you in terms of a response to your concerns. It's been many years now since I had similar kinds of concerns. But many years ago, I had some similar experiences. With the passage of time, I think I have developed some perspective with regard to what I did. Yet it still puzzles me. And the fact that I did it haunts me.

Of course I don't know how serious your relationship with your boyfriend is. If, realistically, he just isn't the love of your life, perhaps what you're doing is just a sign that it's time to end the relationship. On the other hand, if he is your "one-&-only" & you're cheating on him, then this is of course a more serious situation.

Personally, I don't think people ever just stop feeling feelings. There's something going on with you that is causing you to experience this lack of emotion. Depression would certainly be a prime candidate. Lack of emotional response, anger & sadness are all hallmarks of this condition. But, there are other possibilities too & in order to figure out what is going on with you for sure, perhaps you might want to consider seeing a therapist. Having the opportunity to talk this all through with someone, at length, may help you to come to terms with what's going on. The important thing here is , I believe, that you take some sort of positive action as soon as possible to remedy your situation. The truth will out, as the saying goes. And when it does finally come out it could well be difficult in the extreme for all concerned. I wish you all the best...

Originally Posted by 0670kb

So, the past several months I've felt horribly confused. I can't tell if it's depression or if I just stopped feeling feelings.. I don't feel sad, I occasionally feel angry, and rarely happy/excited. This lack of emotion has me acting out in ways I never thought I would and I can't figure the source of my .. whatever this is.

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, it is [or, was] a healthy relationship,he's a great guy, we get along great etc. For some reason the sex got incredibly boring. I had tried speaking with him countless occasions on why I'm unhappy with our sex life and nothing changed. Months later I cheated on him. I tried telling him we needed a break because I didn't know where my head was, I needed some time to myself. That worked for about a day. We're still together, and I am still cheating. I don't know why I'm doing it, I don't know why I don't feel bad, I'm quite literally destroying my own life as well as someone else's and I have no clue what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. Is it a phase? I don't feel any excitement out of cheating, I don't feel anything.

Do you still love him? Is this feeling something pervasive in your life, or just relevant in your relationship?

[Hairball]

Does he know that u are cheating on him?

[divine1966]

Why not just break up?

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[healingme4me]

Maybe it's more than the physical nature of the act?

Is there something unresolved from childhood? Sure there's a chemical release in your brain that occurs. At the same time, there's something amiss in either self perception/perception of how the conversation about boredom left you feeling/ perception of not having a sense of connection to him with a rather rebellious act towards him that's probably not even about him. And if feeling numb, back to unresolved sense of self from childhood?

Of course I could be wrong. Rhethorically, I'll ask, why are relationships defined as good by those straying? Naturally I don't mean to place you on the spot, just have seen this pattern occurring more prevelantly.

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[ComfortablyNumb5]

I didn't read anyone else's replies. But I would definitely break up. You said yourself you're ruining life's here. You don't even have to tell him about the cheating if you don't want to right now but I would for sure walk away. You said it's a healthy relationship. Nothing about cheating is healthy hun. And I'll admit I have cheated in the past too and I didn't say anything either. But one drunken mistake only happened that one time and I never did it again. I feel horrible for it. And it's not ok. Especially since you're continuing the behavior. Maybe your bf isn't giving you attention or maybe you simply just wanted good sex. There is no good reason though. And you may still be in love with your bf but there is something very wrong in the relationship once you turn to cheating. Just curious, are you by any chance BP or have BPD? I ask because cheating can be a manic behavior or a BPD trait. Yea I have both.

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[Ocean Swimmer]

I don't cry anymore. It's the Effexor.