[Shadix]

I have posted about this before and here I am still feeling miserable because of the same thing. Basically, my brother continues to make me feel inferior and pathetic. He somehow manages to be EXACTLY the type of guy who is liked by everyone and is desired by women. He is very articulate, has a great sense of humor, oozes confidence and knows exactly how to talk to women. Meanwhile, I am forced into thise role of being the shy, timid, boring guy. As I have said before, I am pretty sure that because of my slow processing speed, I just can't manage to say the right things like he does. In my younger years, I used to be more outgoing like him, but because I would never say anything intelligent, people reacted with harsh bullying and ostracism. So eventually I learned to be quiet and timid. How is this fair? Am I supposed to accept just being inferior and not being able to change it?

[Kuras]

Being different than someone personality-wise doesn't equal being inferior. From where I stand, the issue isn't you or how you stack up against your brother. The issue is your own sense of self-worth. Such self-deprecation feeds into a vicious cycle. Everyone has things about themselves that they'd like to change or improve. And each person is an ongoing work in progress. But we remain stagnant when we fail to see our own value as individuals. Because if we can't see that, then where's the motivation to push forward?

I was shy and timid most of my life. I still have many introverted tendencies. But I've still been able to cultivate many meaningful and enjoyable relationships. Do I sometimes wish I was a bit more outgoing? Sure. But I'm ok with myself for where I am right now. I'm also proud of the headway I've made in becoming more like the person I want to be. So I would say to stop looking at yourself next to somebody else and start just looking at just you and the value/potential you have.

[divine1966]

Since you have college degree it's unlikely you have such slow processing speed that you can't ever converse with people. Plenty of people are shy. It's neither fair nor unfair. It's what it's. Why are you comparing yourself to others? You feeling inferior has nothing to do with shyness. You can be shy and confident. Why don't you see a therapist or a doctor about your concerns?

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I don't think there is anything you can change about this situation, your brother is who he is and you are who you are.

Self acceptance can be a tough thing for many of us, but the alternative of beating ourselves up over who we are not is undoubtedly tougher.

[Talthybius]

If he were shy and awkward, how would that help you not being like him?

In life, nothing is fair, ever.

I think you have to re-evaluate your expectations and standards to what is realistic

Therapy. No one can make you feel a certain way.

[TishaBuv]

It isn't fair. It's just random genetics that you are the sibling that has a processing issue. Have you gone to the doctor about it? Have you tried to learn more about how it is affecting you socially and what you can do to get help?

If you didn't have the issue, you'd probably be just as socially at ease as your brother. Don't be jealous of him. Why don't you talk to him and your parents about getting you help?

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

It isn't fair. It's just random genetics that you are the sibling that has a processing issue. Have you gone to the doctor about it? Have you tried to learn more about how it is affecting you socially and what you can do to get help?

If you didn't have the issue, you'd probably be just as socially at ease as your brother. Don't be jealous of him. Why don't you talk to him and your parents about getting you help?

Well, the reason I am socially anxious is not because I have a slow processing speed, it is because I know I will be mocked and shamed (even if covertly) if I say something that unintelligent. I used to be more outgoing and talkative when I was younger, but was basically bullied into silence. So the problem isn't just my slow processing speed, it is people's unwilllingness to tolerate it.

Also, it is possible the processing speed problem is only a social anxiety related thing. Well, my social anxiety is a result of years of being shamed and rejected by my peers in school, so again, other people are to blame.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I think you have to re-evaluate your expectations and standards to what is realistic

Ok, so what if realistic is for everyone to see me as the boring dumb guy? Is that supposed to be ok with me?

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Since you have college degree it's unlikely you have such slow processing speed that you can't ever converse with people. Plenty of people are shy. It's neither fair nor unfair. It's what it's. Why are you comparing yourself to others? You feeling inferior has nothing to do with shyness. You can be shy and confident. Why don't you see a therapist or a doctor about your concerns?

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Yes, you can be shy and confident, but being confident while you have a slow processing speed is very difficult, because the fact is, most people will NOT like you or respect you if you put yourself out there. If you are a female maybe, but as a male, no. It is ingrained in our culture that unintelligent males are worthless. Ironically, I think I am way more intelligent than most of these people who would pass judgement on me. But if you can't show people that you are intelligent, it doesn't count.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Shadix

Yes, you can be shy and confident, but being confident while you have a slow processing speed is very difficult, because the fact is, most people will NOT like you or respect you if you put yourself out there. If you are a female maybe, but as a male, no. It is ingrained in our culture that unintelligent males are worthless. Ironically, I think I am way more intelligent than most of these people who would pass judgement on me. But if you can't show people that you are intelligent, it doesn't count.

Were you tested for slow processing speed? Why are you diagnosing yourself?

You can't just assume that. You seem intelligent in your responses but you seem to have a bit distorted view of reality. Also slow processing speed doesn't necessarily mean unintelligent. You don't appear to be not intelligent but rather having distorted views on yourself and reality.

Make an appt with psychiatrist or even regular doc and discuss your concerns about slow processing speed.

My husband has Tourette's, so talk about opening ones mouth and what comes out at times....bet you it's worth that comes out of your mouth ( not swearing typically but just anything he thinks at the moment) along with noises and ticks that people stare at. it doesn't stop him from having successful career and exciting hobbies, friends and a wife. He did have therapy in younger years to learn some strategies.

Why don't you go see a doctor and a therapist?

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[mugwort2]

Are you positive everyone sees you as the boring dumb guy Maybe you're projecting your feelings and thoughts to others. IOW presuming how others see you. Could you read a self improvement book or go to a life coach? I know its hard and discouraging for you. Plus I don' know you. What kind of people do you deal with. They sound like real creeps. Is it possible to find a new crowd?

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Shadix

Yes, you can be shy and confident, but being confident while you have a slow processing speed is very difficult, because the fact is, most people will NOT like you or respect you if you put yourself out there. If you are a female maybe, but as a male, no.It is ingrained in our culture that unintelligent males are worthless. Ironically, I think I am way more intelligent than most of these people who would pass judgement on me. But if you can't show people that you are intelligent, it doesn't count.

Where are you getting these ideas? That's not something I EVER heard. Everyone has something to offer.

Will it help if you list some things you like and feel proud of about yourself?

I'll start it:

You write well and intelligently.
You are reaching out to people on here and being social.

I absolutely agree with Tish, even if you were unintelligent (very different to slow processing btw, if that is indeed the case) that would not make you worthless. What about other traits? Thoughtfulness? Kindness? Creativity? Those are not necessarily associated with either intelligence (of the IQ kind) or processing speed.

You do not seem unintelligent to me, you express yourself well.