Boyfriend mad at my birthday plans

As a single parent I don't get much free time to go out of an evening and see my friends

My boyfriend is mad at me as I've arranged to see a few friends this Friday evening and another set of friends the weekend after to celebrate my birthday.

He thinks he's an after thought as I didn't make plans with him or include him in these plans.

I told him I'd rather spend a full day with him to celebrate instead of a few hours in an evening. I even asked if he wanted to come to my house on my birthday night to see me.

He thinks I've chosen them over him to 'celebrate properly' in his definition.

Said he's upset I've treated him in this way and it isn't right

Just to add, both evening will consist of dinner with some of my girl friends, hardly a raving party

First off, happy birthday! I hope you have a great time with your friends, despite the stress with your boyfriend.

I can kind of see where he's coming from, but... the thing is, it's your BIRTHDAY. The last thing he should be doing is pouting and making you feel BAD... about YOUR BIRTHDAY. Just my opinion, obviously, but that's where I stand.

Does he act like this about other things too, or is he otherwise generally pretty reasonable?

How did he react to your invitation to come over on your birthday, or to go out with your friends? What did he say when you told him that you'd rather spend a full day with him, not just see him for a meal?

Is there any chance that he had been planning some sort of surprise for you, and that his reaction is really because he's hurt that you made other plans (so he can't surprise you now)? Just a thought...

I hope it all works out, but most of all... I hope you get to enjoy your day!

Thank you

He didn't really acknowledged much of what I said. Just told me id rather celebrate 'properly' (with drinks etc) with everyone else but him.

Said he's mad that I just want him to come to my house for a few hours on my actual birthday

Got mad at me and said 'enjoy your time out with your real friends, I'll go out with people who want to see me'

Comes across as a spoiled child's behavior IMO. does he behave like this regarding other things?

I remember my mom, she would want to do something & if it didn't work out she would pout & act weird for days trying to make us feel bad....it never worked but she never stopped trying.

Hope you really do enjoy your planed celebration....sometimes we just need a light relaxing evening out

Childish, spoiled brat. needs to grow up; sounds like a controller.

How old is he?

He said it best ...

Enjoy YOUR time out with your REAL FRIENDS and let him go out with people that want to see him.

Your birthday is about what you want to do NOT what he wants you to do!

Furthermore, this little manipulative attempt at emotional blackmail should be sending all kinds of caution flags your way!

Boyfriends may come and go, but REAL FRIENDS last forever!

I just don't understand what it is I've done wrong?
I thought I'd done the best for everyone
Got to see my friends for dinner then hoping to see him for a special day

We're both in our 30's

You didn't do anything wrong!!!!!!

You are just seeing his true colors....I would definitely take this as a warning...if he's like this about something so trivial you can bet there will be more in the future regarding more important issues in a relationship.

Interesting how we always turn bad actions of another in on ourselves when it's their problem.

You've done absolutely nothing wrong, but HE certainly has!

No respectable person would want to make the person they love feel crappy about their special day!

I'd do exactly as I'd planned and enjoy my birthday with or without his approval.

Don't let this donkey ruin your day NOR your friendships!

Again ... Proceed With Caution!

He's sending you signals that need to be heeded.

He just text me this

'U want a part time boyfriend u can pick up and put down at ur leisure.

Unfortunately, I ordered a birthday card to be delivered to ur house the other day. Please just throw it straight in the bin, I don't want u to read what's inside after what uve done to me today. U must be seeing someone else, Uve been looking for an excuse to get rid of me for ages. What u did to me today was a good reason to break up'

Childish, manipulative, selfish...

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I don't know what to reply. I haven't yet

I just don't understand why this is happening

It sounds like he's the one that's been wanting to break up for ages and is just looking for a reason to do it to make himself feel better and put the blame on you. It really sounds like you can easily do much better.

Sorry he's pulling such a stunt, especially around your birthday. I hope you can enjoy your day at least a little bit.

I probably wouldn't know what to say either without starting an argument. I tend to have a bit of a temper especially when it comes to these mind games. I'd either not say anything and just go on with life or id let him know exactly how he's acting and that I want nothing to do with it anymore. But at the end of the day it's ultimately up to you. Make the right decision and do what's best for you.

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I don't know how to get through this

I am appalled at his behavior and at the way he speaks to you. I assume this is the same guy who gave you the ultimatum about seeing your family?

If I were in your shoes, I would break up with him. These behaviors we have been discussing here strike me as extremely unreasonable, insulting, controlling, selfish, paranoid, overbearing, abusive.

Think about what it would be like to live with him and try to resolve day to day problems in the face of his volatile and juvenile emotions and behaviors. Think about the sort of example of manhood that he will set for your daughter.

Know that you have done nothing wrong. If you give him what he wants, he will continue to act in this same controlling, insulting and abusive manner towards you.

(((((Hedgeleaf)))))

I would be rather angry if someone treated me like that so it would take all my personal self-control not to blow up at them & tell them off which was how I handled things in my marriage but that was because I was already that glass that was at overflow level so one drop more would just make me blow up.

Since I have been away from that environment & have calmed down totally, I would probably not respond at all & I would just drop him & leave him in silence. I always hated not having the last word in a fight but now, I have realized that total silence & having nothing more to do with someone who is abusive like that is sometimes the best last word we can have. No point in continuing a useless conversation when we know it's not going to go anywhere anyway & don't waste your time or emotions WISHING that he would change. Those kind of people NEVER change unless they see a need & it doesn't sound like he's at the point of seeing a need & just wants to DUMP on you.

RUDE & IMMATURE. Definitely not someone I would waste another minute with.....I wouldn't even give him the time of day to formally break up with him because it would be a pointless conversation.

It very well could be that he's been looking for a reason for breaking up with you & is using this as a way of making it your fault. I dated a guy in college for a few times. We had interesting conversations about dating relationships & he commented about how guys hate to break up with women who are emotional so they give the woman a reason for breaking up with them when they really are the ones who want out of the relationship. I know that we as women have done similar things when we feel that we have come into a relationship with a guy that is clingy......give them a reason to want to break up with us so that we won't have to deal with it.

Ugh, can't imagine the dating scene at my age (63)....it was bad enough when I was in college & the moral values don't even exist any longer unless you get in with the right people. Not worth wasting one's time on people like this guy & much better being alone than dealing with the stress that kind of abuse/drama creates in one's life

Because he might be "insecure"? I highlight the insecure part because to me, it stands out as a psychological flag.

Over time with your friends? So what if you have some quality time with your friends? You're a mom! These moments don't come together as planned so often, do they?

If I were in a serious relation, I would be mad, too, if I'm not included in the plans at all, without prior notice. I'm not aware of your background with him but from this story, to be fair, but I understand his behavior, to be honest. I also understand you want girls' birthday party. You can talk about this. There must be some kind of compromise here.

I think he wants a serious relationship where things are being discussed and there is future but you aren't ready ( aren't you still married?) so the whole issue might be stemming from that. Not justifying his tantrums but you aren't on the same page in this relationship. Either the timing is wrong or you two are wrong match. There are many things about him you dislike and you want different things etc I really don't know why you two keep dating?

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Your BF clearly thinks the world revolves around him.


Someone should tell him its YOUR birthday NOT his.


PS I would pretend I never saw that message, because really, how exactly will a productive convo be born of it?...

If he were to bring it up, I would reply with something snarky, like "Excuse me, I never learned to speak stupid fluently, so I was unsure how to reply".


Buuuuut, that's just me


I hope you make the DECISION to enjoy your birthday celebrations, REGARDLESS of his tantrums.