[ForevahAlone]

There is a guy I like. We used to work together but he quit. I felt strangely connected to him and I just want him so badly. I haven't seen him in weeks. I know he could contact me if he wanted to, he really could, but he hasn't. I just want to be over it now. I'm fixated on it/him while simultaneously KNOWING that it's never going to happen/he's not into me. Please help me. Tell me how to get over it because I'm losing the little respect I have for myself.

[Skeezyks]

Hello ForevahAlone: The obvious answer here would, the Skeezyks presumes, be to talk this through with a therapist... a close friend, family member, etc. I presume you already are aware of that. The problem is that if these thoughts just keep rattling around in your brain, it becomes a vicious circle. The more you dwell on it the worse it becomes. You need to talk it out with someone so that you can gradually let it go. This may take more than one talk session too. This is why doing so with a mental health professional may be preferable to talking with a friend or relative. They're not likely to have the skills or the patience to help you through this.

Beyond that, I think the other alternative is to simply allow these thoughts to come up. "Lean into them", breathe with them, even smile to them & allow them to dissipate at their own pace. They are like little trolls who pop up to needle you. But they have no power over you beyond what you cede them. Trying to block them, or stuff them back down, will only keep them coming back stronger & more frequently. At least this is my perspective... I wish you well...

[gayleggg]

The Skeezyks has some good advice. Talk it out with someone you trust.

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[Jan1212]

Aww I'm there too. I briefly went out with someone and we connected. There was a spark. But he ignored me then said things has been hectic. All I could do is wonder how our lives would have been, how he was going to be my next BF.

Well he contacted me again. I forgot about him after couple weeks of heart break. We hang out and he we both don't want to get too close but I concluded that he's not ready for a relationship. If he's not ready, he'll break my heart again. So I'm not hoping for anything from him anymore

That is my story.. hope you can relate

please DO NOT quote ANY SELECTION of my post. thank you. have a good day.

[Trippin2.0]

How do you know for sure he's not into you, has he said so?

[Talthybius]

The responses sound like there is a history behind this that is not in the OP.

I don't know why people suggest you need counseling, if that is based on the OP only.

You aren't working with him anymore and you think you like him. He isn't contacting you. All you need to do is contact him and ask him if he is interested in meeting up.

But, you say you want to get over him. That's 'easy', as you will never see him again. Just wait long enough and you'll forget about him as he is no longer in your life.

If you are really unreasonably obsessing over him, creating a imaginary person out of him, then maybe you could benefit from counseling.

Don't know where the bit about losing self-respect comes from. Liking someone a lot than is probably healthy isn't the same as losing self-respect, right?

[ForevahAlone]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

How do you know for sure he's not into you, has he said so?

Because he has my phone number and never called/texted me. ☹

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by ForevahAlone

Because he has my phone number and never called/texted me. ☹

But can't the same be said for you?...


You haven't called or texted him, so maybe he thinks you don't like him...

I presume you have his digits too?

He left his job, which means he's either unemployed or adjusting to a new job. Either way, I think dating would be last on his priority list right now, but doesn't mean he can't be nudged in the right direction....


Assumptions are a recipe for disaster, facts are friendlier.


Why not reach out to him?....

Why not you contacting him, and ask him how things are going with him, for example? Just a friendly message. Men also assume that women aren't interested in them if they don't show any signs, and both sides will be stuck in this loop of thinking.

[ForevahAlone]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

But can't the same be said for you?...


You haven't called or texted him, so maybe he thinks you don't like him...

I presume you have his digits too?

He left his job, which means he's either unemployed or adjusting to a new job. Either way, I think dating would be last on his priority list right now, but doesn't mean he can't be nudged in the right direction....


Assumptions are a recipe for disaster, facts are friendlier.


Why not reach out to him?....

You're right and I would contact him but I never got his number.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

The responses sound like there is a history behind this that is not in the OP.

I don't know why people suggest you need counseling, if that is based on the OP only.

You aren't working with him anymore and you think you like him. He isn't contacting you. All you need to do is contact him and ask him if he is interested in meeting up.

But, you say you want to get over him. That's 'easy', as you will never see him again. Just wait long enough and you'll forget about him as he is no longer in your life.

If you are really unreasonably obsessing over him, creating a imaginary person out of him, then maybe you could benefit from counseling.

Don't know where the bit about losing self-respect comes from. Liking someone a lot than is probably healthy isn't the same as losing self-respect, right?

I think the suggestion of therapy and working on self respect come from the fact that op already gave him her number and expressed interest but he never called. It's been at least few months. I think it's the same guy.

It's probably wise to forget about him. It also most likely comes from previous posts about other males who didn't reciprocate.

Without knowing op in person it's hard to tell why ( my guts are telling me that these are wrong guys to pursue).

Hence the advice to seek therapy to explore why one keeps getting interested in these types of men or if op misinterprets signs etc it's hard to tell what's going on. I think that's why people talk about self respect and therapy.

Just liking a guy isn't unhealthy.

[ForevahAlone]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think the suggestion of therapy and working on self respect come from the fact that op already gave him her number and expressed interest but he never called. It's been at least few months. I think it's the same guy.

It's probably wise to forget about him. It also most likely comes from previous posts about other males who didn't reciprocate.

Without knowing op in person it's hard to tell why ( my guts are telling me that these are wrong guys to pursue).

Hence the advice to seek therapy to explore why one keeps getting interested in these types of men or if op misinterprets signs etc it's hard to tell what's going on. I think that's why people talk about self respect and therapy.

Just liking a guy isn't unhealthy.

Same dude from previous posts. Lol. You're right though.