I want to change

I'm 19 years old and I've had a rocky life of betrayal and alienation. It is incredibly hard to trust anyone with anything; I instinctively try to be as independent as possible because I'm the only person I feel I can lean on. This is a destructive thought pattern, and I am trying oh so hard to break free of it. I haven't had many friends recently, I've cut off all ties with my old friends because of the negative memories of my teenage years they stirred up.

I've made the first positive effort in god knows who long to trust and connect with another human being. I've been talking to this girl who seems to genuinely like me, we have so much in common, and we've both been hurt (although I've been through a lot worse). We've been talking for weeks now and we've changed pictures constantly, but we're going to meet up soon.

This can be the change I need to bring me out of my emotional purgatory, but it feels like I just, can't. I tend to be needy, I talk a lot, I over analyze and pick apart invisible cues that likely don't even exist. I interpret things too strongly and assume there's problems when things are just fine. I'm so tempted to just cut things off before she finds out I'm crazy and cuts me off - but I'll never get better if I do that. I feel so tense and stressed out because if people see that I'm such a nervous wreck I'll be called a downer and nobody will want to be around me.

*Sigh*

What can I do to worry less, to get a grip, to settle this anxious spirit inside of me? I want to change, so bad. I've made the continual effort to come out of my shell and get used to people, but it's so hard when you have such deep trust issues... If we've been talking constantly for a few weeks, is there a big chance this is all some cruel joke or she won't like me in person? Should I keep a distance, just in case? I know this is probably all in my head, it's just so hard to expect anything but the worst out of people.

Always keep your distance. My two cents.

Have you had the chance to speak to a therapist about your childhood and how it is affecting you today?

It wasn't my childhood though, just in highschool I've had a few rough ****** relationships

And no, I don't get to see them often at all

Trust no one. Everyone we have ever trusted has hurt us.

Trust issues are a moot point really.

They're a moot point because you don't actually need to trust anyone to get through life. I mean sure you'll have to trust people to some degree at one point or another, but it's never going to be the kind of thing where if they leave you hanging, you'll be completely screwed... unless you get into some or other very dangerous line of work or something to that extent.

Why are you in emotional purgatory? You don't "need" anyone else to feel good you know? I mean we all need some level of social interaction to keep us sane, but that need can easily be satisfied by taking a few strolls in the park and talking to random people. The more open you are, the more rewarding the conversations will be.

I really think you are just looking for a safe environment to "open up". Just a comfort zone where you can do the things you want, say the things you want and just be how you want to be. In reality you can do that anywhere, any time. You're just going to have to learn some moderation and some constraints, but that will come by itself once you take the edge off of everything you've got bottled up.

So practically, i think it would be good for you to detach from expected outcomes. That is, do try and interact as much as possible, just don't be outcome dependent. Also, whatever the outcome, it's not your fault. Sure maybe you really did screw up, but that's ok, seeing as how you are learning new things.

You know when you were a kid, and you were free to say and or/do anything without feeling any special way about it? Well you still have that power, but now you also have self reflection. Try turning off the self reflection until you've got your self reflection properly calibrated, because i don't think it is.

Sorry but I don't agree with those who say not to trust anyone. Trust is a huge factor in a relationship and you need to heal from the inside first and learn to trust again.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket with this one girl. She may not be the one but there's many people out there that you may meet tomorrow, or 25 years from now. Keep a safe distance before you know her better and have been around each other in person.

To be quite honest, I wouldn't get into a relationship until you work on these issues with professionals first. You're going to keep failing at relationships until you learn to trust and nurture a relationship in a healthy way.

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You can trust everyone, just keep in mind they might screw you over at any given time ;-)

Just always remember to protect yourself.....and always keep it R.E.A.L.

R.emember
E.veryone
A.int
L.oyal