[HuxleysParadox]

This will be kind of jumbled, may not make too much sense either but here I go. Maybe I just need to vent where I feel safe. I don't trust people around me to give an honestly helpful answer.
I'm in a committed relationship of 7 years, not married but I don't ever want to get married. But, we are as good as married. We have 1 child together and one I have from a previous relationship. So me just kicking him out is not easy.
I work 2 jobs to provide for us. I. This economy it is not enough to afford a place of our own so we are living with my mother. She is soon to get remarried and is turning into a person I don't recognize. She invades our privacy, demands we schedule our life to suit her whims and has even gone as far as to tell me I should raise my kids differently. I'm not being a brat, trust me. I know I'm in a lucky situation, yet it feels hostile and it's her way or the highway. Needless to say I want my own mouse hole so I can breathe and take control of my life.
Now to the crux of my situation. The partner. He has not had a job in 7 years. I gave him a break for 5 years because I know it's a tough economy. But things are getting better around here. I don't care what his job is. Just any would make it so we can afford a place. But he won't, or can't, not sure really which it is. I have asked him, pleaded with him told him how unhappy I am. All I get is, it's not the right time, we need to be more financially stable, etc. Anytime I bring it up recently he gets angry and says "I'm depressed about it as well l, reminding me that I'm a failure just stresses me out".
So here I am. Halfway between wanting to properly motivate him to work and silently raging inside because I feel I am being used.

[TishaBuv]

I would discuss this with my mother and we would tell him that Mom is making us move out of her house. If I had to go to a woman's shelter with my kids, I would do that, without him, leaving him on the street. Would this motivate him to pull his weight, get a job, and provide for his family?

[HuxleysParadox]

This seems a bit harsh. But, I see the merit of your words. Maybe being harsh is the only way.

[divine1966]

I don't see how this is harsh. You are the one working while he lives for free not just off you but also off your mother. It must be nice! Honestly I am a tolerant person but no way I'd allow this. If he is too sick to work then he might apply for disability and contribute that way. If not he is on his own.

He doesn't work because he is allowed to. You and your mother are saints allowing him to live for free. He knows well that if two of you stop supporting him he would need to change his ways. Is he but supporting his child either?

Don't get married. You'll end up paying spousal support too.

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[HuxleysParadox]

He takes care of the kids while I am at work. I did tell him that our eldest is of age to watch his brother for at least a few hours. The problem is me. I enable. I'd rather not fight so I try to do it all. I should say he does some good things. Mom is.. well.. she is interesting. She's a hypochondriac. Always complaining of these 4 heart attacks that never happened. And while I escape to work he has to put up with her forever complaining about everyone else. My solution was get a third shift job so he can sleep. But I will discuss my concearns with him. Maybe it is ultimatum time.

[Bill3]

You mentioned that he does some good things. Besides dealing with your mother and taking care of the children, what are some of them? How well does he function as a stay-at-home dad?

Are you paying market-rate rent to your mother?

How well does he get along with the kids? If you kick him out, how will the children be cared for?