[hubieg]

Last Wednesday, I was at my Psychologist, and towards the end of the session we came to the conclusion that my main problem is two fold.

First due to life events, I can trust nothing or nobody. I mean this in the grand sense. I feel betrayed (for valid reasons and not just paranoia) by everything and everyone from the legal system to friends to women. Now this in and of itself could be easy to reconcile in my mind. There is however the other issue that came up.

The other issue is I have a deep fear of being alone. This isnt the "I cant be alone at all" type of thing. It is rather the thought of not having someone to turn to when I need them type of alone.

The way I can see how I have "dealt with it" until now is to simply keep people hanging on but at arms length. They dont even know that they are not truely "close friends". I now realize this is neither fair to them or to me.

I have to find some direction to begin to deal with this paradox even if to understand it better. I wish I could get in sooner but my next appointment is not for 2 more weeks! I hope somebody can help me understand how this seeming contradiction can even begin to be reconciled.

Can anybody help with this?

[Bill3]

What if you turned in time of need to the "close friends" that you mentioned?

[NewCommer]

Well, from my short experience, i may think that you might have lived something that made you not trusting in people that easily
What happened?
Have you wirked towards that?

On the other hand. Feeling that way about loneliness is pretty normal from my point of view

Not everyone is a traitor nor a piece of trash, yet, you came here to take an advice from strangers. I can applaud that.
Be safe and welcome

[healingme4me]

Therapy can take time. Having betrayal from childhood can eventually reconcile itself into an ability to notice sooner than later various question marks that may arise, a sense of cynic if you will. To me cynicism needn't be bitter. Just a different approach.

Is there anyone that you do turn to? Family or friend?

[hubieg]

Originally Posted by Bill3

What if you turned in time of need to the "close friends" that you mentioned?

Last time I really had some to "turn to", they were busy screwing my wife, LITERALLY!

[hubieg]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Therapy can take time. Having betrayal from childhood can eventually reconcile itself into an ability to notice sooner than later various question marks that may arise, a sense of cynic if you will. To me cynicism needn't be bitter. Just a different approach.

Is there anyone that you do turn to? Family or friend?

Oh, it just "started" in childhood, My 1st wife continued it and finally left (marrying my best friend) after I had no more friends for her do "do". By then the real damage was done.

As for my mom (only family I have left) her stock answer is to "suck it up" ;-(

Really, my big issue right now is the two things seem so mutually exclusive and I cannot figure out how to reconcile them

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by hubieg

Oh, it just "started" in childhood, My 1st wife continued it and finally left (marrying my best friend) after I had no more friends for her do "do". By then the real damage was done.

As for my mom (only family I have left) her stock answer is to "suck it up" ;-(

Really, my big issue right now is the two things seem so mutually exclusive and I cannot figure out how to reconcile them

You are only through your first therapy session, correct?

Therapy work takes time. It's not necessarily a matter of pinpointing and poof, done.

[hubieg]

Originally Posted by NewCommer

Well, from my short experience, i may think that you might have lived something that made you not trusting in people that easily
What happened?
Have you wirked towards that?

On the other hand. Feeling that way about loneliness is pretty normal from my point of view

Not everyone is a traitor nor a piece of trash, yet, you came here to take an advice from strangers. I can applaud that.
Be safe and welcome

for me "strangers" are "safe". The worst a stranger can do is hurt my feelings. I learned how to deal with that a long time ago though. Family and friends are the ones who can do the real "lasting" damage. This has been my experience.

The problem is that strangers cannot sit with you at dinner or watch a sunset together :-\