[Macd123]

Can't recommend this for the feable hearted like myself. I've attempted many connections and have received a wink and one reply but no follow up reply. I can't really say this has been a positive experience but you never know this could change (hope so!). I have to be careful and not give away how desperate I feel. I feel like l was just meant to be alone - I've had that grinding sensation in my stomach for a couple of days now. I just think I'll go back to the coffee shop and flirt. Can anybody say refund?

[barbella]

Macd123, I don't understand how all of this is supposed to work. I definitely give you credit for going and trying. Do you think anyone else here would have useful advice? I would be too shy.

It's early days, maybe give it time?

Online dating isn't for everyone (& if I were single I don't think it would be for me), one guy I know who did okay with it seemed to be systematic and methodical in approach. He just worked his way through various meetings and didn't get too attached until he met someone he clicked with. He regarded the whole thing as a process, an experiment.

[Macd123]

I've only been doing this for a couple of weeks but it's still frustrating. You see a lot of attractive people and you get hopeful but then it turns into a relentless waiting game. It's probably better than nothing and to tell you the truth I don't know what I'm looking for right now. I do know my biological clock is getting thin - I ain't young. On we go...

[healingme4me]

Can you afford to maintain the account and take a hiatus of sorts, without checking emails or logging in? Say give yourself a couple weeks to a month of being disconnected, then open it and see how you feel?

[Macd123]

Yeah, I guess I'm expecting too much not having a lot of experience at this. I don't think I'm being too unreasonable - the women I messaged were between 35-50 years. They all seemed fairly accomplished although, with some, I was out of their age range (let's try anyway). Like I said I have mixed emotions because I don't know if I even want to get this active in the partnership area - I'm a loner. So why am I doing this - because I never have.

[A Red Panda]

Mac, you haven't been using this site long at all.

You're 60, right? Or in your 60s somewhere? You are retired.

Messaging women who are 35 is setting yourself up for failure. I will be turning 32 in a few months and I would never, ever, even respond to someone who was 50 let alone older. Try setting your search limits to 50+ as it's more likely to have a chance with people closer in age. While people have relationships with large age differences, more than ten years is rather quite rare.

I think if you seriously want success with this then it's not advisable to message people who have stated they want to meet someone in a younger age range. They have thought about this and set their age range for a reason, that may be a reason you aren't getting too many responses.

[Macd123]

Thanks but I'm not going to limit myself. I think I have a lot to offer and age to me is not a deterrent. I don't think 35-50 is unreasonable. That said I'm just seeing if I can get a response. I'm aware they're not really interested so I don't really put a lot of effort into it. However, the first response I received was from 37 year old lady who liked my profile - so you never know...

[divine1966]

You are 60 or a bit older, going for 35 year olds is unreasonable. I know a lot of people. None 35 year olds want 60 year olds. I am 50, I wouldn't be asking 25 year old guys out. I actually look younger then my age but come on now. If I was looking for 25 year old I'd still be sitting on dating sites and messaging away. Instead I am with a man my age.

On one hand you complain you can't get a date but on the other you refuse to make any changes. If things are working just fine, then why complain.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[healingme4me]

I question though is it a preset by site range or self set? Maybe 45+? Or try setting at 40? But 20 years difference is a push, but can be an outer limit for many. Maybe also try up to 65? There's women in your bracket that might be looking.

I don't see any reason to limit your age range. Just be okay with disappointment if you are looking for younger. The odds will be higher and if you're okay with that, then fine.

I would imagine that many more mature ladies do not have the same pool of men to choose from as 35 year olds do. So you want to make sure to also put yourself in that pool, too.

Good luck. Stay positive. Don't try to create a repeat of your recent flirtation....you will set yourself up for a sadness that way.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by Macd123

Thanks but I'm not going to limit myself. I think I have a lot to offer and age to me is not a deterrent. I don't think 35-50 is unreasonable. That said I'm just seeing if I can get a response. I'm aware they're not really interested so I don't really put a lot of effort into it. However, the first response I received was from 37 year old lady who liked my profile - so you never know...

Look, if you are set in the fantasy of significantly younger women, then you need to expect that you will get very very few responses. The start of this thread is you wanting to give up due to lack of responses already.

You are willingly increasing the percentage of non-responses you will get through messaging these younger women. Of course you will be disappointed by the amount of effort you put in and the lack of reciprocation.

At 32, I would be very unlikely to respond to someone in his forties. No one that I know in my age range would date a man who was retired. It's basically signing on to be a caretaker and provider - which I know sounds really harsh, but it's how a lot will think. They'd still be having to work as you continue to age, and with age comes more health problems - so they would be working and then potentially having to be your caretaker if things went bad.

And at age 35-40 many women are still willing/wanting to have a baby. But they won't want to be a single parent so potentially early. My dad is 64 and he is already having the start of health issues. I can't imagine him wanting to have a new child, and he would have nothing in common with someone near my age.

I know that aging sucks, but you can't keep clinging to the idea of younger women. I know you missed out when you were younger but you can't go backward in time. 50+ year old women have just as much to offer you emotionally and physically as you would have to offer them.

I think you are just setting yourself up to be continually disappointed. Yes, you might have lots to offer women. But you don't have much to offer women in their 30s. You don't have youth, experience, the potential for life-long, different life experiences as children (my dads generation has very little in common with mine).... You may have a great personality and maybe tons of money, but you lack the potential for a lifelong partnership as you've lived twice the life someone my age has.

[Macd123]

Okay so a young lady (43) has got back to me a second time - she's impressed with my hobbies and she's beautiful. Her husband passed away last year so I feel like I need to walk on egg shells a bit. This is scary - is there a life coach somewhere?

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Macd123

Okay so a young lady (43) has got back to me a second time - she's impressed with my hobbies and she's beautiful. Her husband passed away last year so I feel like I need to walk on egg shells a bit. This is scary - is there a life coach somewhere?

In my life's experience walking on eggshells has its own meaning.

Are you still in therapy? I ask because it's important to not overwhelm nor burden her with a variety of things. Learn about healthy boundaries and still date her.

She likes your interests, that's a positive. She's a year and out of the mourning period. Are you capable of in no way shape or form being threatened by her widowhood? My mom found it nevessary to put things away. As been daughter, adult daughter, I would have appreciated seeing embracing as if some type of extension without insecurities involved by her next husband. It was what it was.

Does she have children, if so, are you open to this idea?

She may need quiet moments. You mention being a bit of a loner. Can a comfortable silence be withstood?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I question though is it a preset by site range or self set? Maybe 45+? Or try setting at 40? But 20 years difference is a push, but can be an outer limit for many. Maybe also try up to 65? There's women in your bracket that might be looking.

Match allows you to set up your own ranges

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Match allows you to set up your own ranges

Thanks for that bit of info.

Are others able to view those age ranges when clicking on profiles?

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

I don't see any reason to limit your age range. Just be okay with disappointment if you are looking for younger. The odds will be higher and if you're okay with that, then fine.

I would imagine that many more mature ladies do not have the same pool of men to choose from as 35 year olds do. So you want to make sure to also put yourself in that pool, too.

Good luck. Stay positive. Don't try to create a repeat of your recent flirtation....you will set yourself up for a sadness that way.

I disagree about 35-39 in his age range on the premise that he's in his 60's and the mindset that 40 brings to the table.

And at this point, it would send a rather important message to his new friend if she notices a slight change in his profile.

All of my friends, including myself, turned 40 together and it's been an amazing experience. Of she's beautiful. Most 40 year old women take care of themselves and ooze confidence. It's an important milestone in the life of a woman.

[PlannedObsolescence]

Create a good profile with clear pictures and sit back and wait. Women who are interested in you will come a knocking and then you can make some decisions. Let match.com work for you. Be the hunted, not the Hunter.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by Macd123

Okay so a young lady (43) has got back to me a second time - she's impressed with my hobbies and she's beautiful. Her husband passed away last year so I feel like I need to walk on egg shells a bit. This is scary - is there a life coach somewhere?

Congrats on the beginning of a conversation! Keep in mind that at any point she may not continue messaging you - and that is ok.

For now, just talk about your hobbies as she has shown interest in them. Just talking to someone about your hobbies is a great start for you. Try not to get wrapped up in her appearance, try to focus on just the chance to have an interesting conversation.

[Macd123]

My age range is 35-55 so I'm think I'm being realistic. I'm actually staying above 40 unless she says in her profile that she's willing to date a 60 yo. I don't want to limit myself too much because you never know who you're going to have chemistry with (I know this with my recent struggles). And since they're looking I'm assuming it's okay to communicate with them - nothing else you might end up being friends and that would be just fine with me.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Thanks for that bit of info.

Are others able to view those age ranges when clicking on profiles?

Yes. They do. If you see that they are looking for a person who is much younger/older than you, then you know not to contact them.

In my experience if a man is looking for a younger woman is if he wants to have children. It's understandable. But I have never seen 60 year old wanting 35 year old. The most I saw was 15 years younger and that's because they wanted kids. Like he was 45 and wanted a woman 30-40 and specified "I have no kids and want them". It made sense.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Yes. They do. If you see that they are looking for a person who is much younger/older than you, then you know not to contact them.

In my experience if a man is looking for a younger woman is if he wants to have children. It's understandable. But I have never seen 60 year old wanting 35 year old. The most I saw was 15 years younger and that's because they wanted kids. Like he was 45 and wanted a woman 30-40 and specified "I have no kids and want them". It made sense.

Thanks for explaining, since I don't go onto those sites.

My thinking is that as a 40 year old(41) woman, if I were to see a 60 year old man, who would be my outer most age limit looking for mid 30's, I'd question if they were only interested in the bedroom. To me, if I saw no younger than 40, I'd presume that he extended to that age to keep an open mind with a chance that he was interested in companionship. Typically a 40 year old isn't looking to start a new family not that she couldn't, has matured and is going to have depth of life experiences, but that would be a far reach age difference just in case personalities connect.

[Macd123]

No I don't want kids but I do know couples who have over a twenty year difference. I didn't say I would want that but I'm not limiting my options. Like I said it could lead to a friendship. Thanks everyone.