[Macd123]

So I've had a good day - I think. I received a very nice note from a dating site from a lady who wants to be my friend. I said yes. Also, my old nemesis contacted me and said that she missed me. Okay so here I am with two options when before there were none. I know what you're thinking this is a good choice and a bad choice - problem is I still have feelings for the bad choice. Will I cave and try to patch things up or move on. This is tearing me to pieces - I think I'm a masochist at heart (a lonely one at that). Then there is the hey I like being alone and what the hell am I doing? Which way to go - right, left or just stay in the middle. Geez I wish I was 22 again (not really). Anyway this is where I'm at. Thanks

[divine1966]

There is nothing to patch. The girl is not missing you on a romantic sense and has a BF. Ask this lady from online on s date and go from there

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Okay, I agree with above, if your young coffee shop friend has a boyfriend she is probably 'missing you' in the casual way of friends who haven't seen each other a while, no need to think otherwise from what you've written.

If you are making new contacts that sounds good to me, you can still be 'alone' in that you can have friends, meet with people, then go home to be alone again if you wish. It doesn't have to be 'all or nothing'.

You can take this as fast or as slow as you wish, you have choices.

[A Red Panda]

There is no need to choose between friends.

The woman you have been infatuated with ONLY missed you out of friendship. She considered you a friend, and you've cut the friendship off because you wanted more - but she doesn't know that. She just missed a friend and that is totally normal when you haven't seen a friend in a while and are unaware that the friendship is over.

The woman on the dating site has also agreed to friendship. If you meet then maybe more will develop, maybe not.

There is no need to make a choice BETWEEN them. One wants only friendship. The other wants friendship with a potential for more (possibly).

[Macd123]

Thanks everyone

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by divine1966

There is nothing to patch. The girl is not missing you on a romantic sense and has a BF. Ask this lady from online on s date and go from there

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This is true and the fact that she's contacting him and saying "I miss you" kind of alludes to the idea that this is a bad situation that he would be getting into with that choice.

Honestly, I have no idea why an attached girlfriend of another guy would contact another male that knowingly has feelings for her and tell him she misses him. That really really really does not sit well with me.

Please listen to that advice divine has given, run far away from that woman whether or not you pick the new friend to contact again or not.

"Bad choice", doesn't even begin to say to the extent I think it would be one.

[A Red Panda]

She doesn't know that he has feelings for her. She has no idea, as he has never told her and he is way older than her so she wouldn't be likely to guess.

There is nothing wrong with what she is doing. She considers Mac her friend. She misses her friend. She was open enough to share that.

[divine1966]

She doesn't know he has feelings. In my understanding she works in the place he frequented. They appeared to be friendly. They never dated. Missing friends is ok

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[Macd123]

I don't think she knows - I've told her I really like her but that probably didn't translate. She probably has some inkling that I'm fond of her unless she had no intuition. Anyway that's neither here nor there because she's not a possibility - I don't plan on waiting for her to dump her BF. I'm still waiting for a second reply from the online woman - things have sort of gone quiet. Problem is I feel sort of relieved. I'm not sure if I got the energy or fortitude for this. Onward.

Baby steps Mac, you're doing well in making positive change in your life.

(I too have misgivings about the motivation of the coffee shop woman from some of the things you've written, ie Instagram explicit image sent privately, she may be enjoying the attention and 'playing' you - but I may have picked that up wrong. Either way you are doing the right thing moving on as she is attached.)

[s4ndm4n2006]

You're doing the right thing. In spite of what panda said (where in normal situations, there isn't anything inherently wrong with "missing" a friend...) and divine, going over some of the things that she's done over the time you've been talking about this... I still have reservations about her intentions and feel that she enjoys the attention. You may "think" she has no idea but as much as you talked about her, it's not impossible that she has an idea of how you feel.

Again, I could be wrong, but so could panda and divine. I am glad you're waiting on the new girl, it's best to err on the side of caution here regardless of the varying opinions of the past lady.