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#1
Apr 30, 2016, 02:07 AM
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If you mention babies,marriage,love etc too early.Ive read it before,but I think a guy that genuinely loves you,won't be scared off?
I just say this because there was a guy who was always trying to start conversations with me(I always ignored him,literally walking off etc)was constantly staring into my eyes and asking how I was all the time,I could just tell he liked me. well he read my diary which was all about this perfect life married to him,having babies with him(yikes!) and just describing our wonderful life togther,how completely in love with him I was, needless to say this guy avoided me when he saw me (after reading it) I think at the time I just loathed my life and would have put any guys name into that scenario in my head,even though most of my life I had no interest in babies or marriage. I know with two other bfs I had i mentioned similar stuff but very jokingly and they were not remotely worried or bothered by it,which makes me think a guy that really likes you won't be bothered.
__________________
Those who could not hear the music,thought the dancer was mad - proverb |
 Anonymous59898, avlady
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#2
Apr 30, 2016, 05:39 AM
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In my head there are two scenarios here.
One in which you TALK about babies and stuff and one were there is an essay on your perfect future. The first one shouldn't scare away if it isnt a "and YOU HAVE TO BE THAT MAN; BE IT NOW!!". On the contrary, if you think your relationship is deepening, than it's a healthy thing to check if you have similar visions for your future live. If a guy is "scared away" from this, then I think it's a good thing (Imagine beeing together with someone you cannot talk about stuff that is important to you - and your future together) The essay version is creepy. But in your case: Why the hell was he reading your diary? I mean it would be really creepy if you gave this text to him (In this point I'm with him) but if this is something you wrote private for yourself then he is just an asshole that needs to learn what boundaries are and you have every right to write down what floats your mind if you like to. |
| avlady
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 Katieissweet
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#3
Apr 30, 2016, 06:36 AM
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He read my diary without permission,if he had not done that I would have gone on ignoring him and had silly fantasies.it was like a few paragraphs about the perfect life,cottage etc,yes it is kind of wrong though but Im a total romantic and it felt at the time as if he was in love with me.
A lot of the diary was about my feelings for him though. And yes you're right with the other two i never wrote any essays I just imagined it in my head and it casually in a very jokey way came up in conversation.
__________________
Those who could not hear the music,thought the dancer was mad - proverb |
| Anonymous59898, avlady
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#4
Apr 30, 2016, 06:43 AM
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Yes it makes sense to run for the hills if you're not even dating the girl who's fantasizing about your babies.
When people say too soon, they mean very early on in the relationship, but what you're describing wasn't even a relationship, so its understandable that he got freaked out. Nobody explained the context of your diary to him, so he probably thinks you're completely obsessed with him, so his actions are only logical.
__________________
 DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD  "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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| avlady
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| IchbinkeinTeufel, Katieissweet
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#5
Apr 30, 2016, 07:05 AM
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i know i like my privacy and actually also had a fiance who read my diary and went through my purse whenever he wanted!! needless to say we broke of the engagement, and i later found out he cheated on me several times too.i am happy i learned from this situation!!!!
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| IchbinkeinTeufel
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#6
Apr 30, 2016, 07:31 AM
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Yes I can imagine it may freak out a man, especially a younger one, not because he doesn't like or love you but because he is not ready for that phase of his life. He has other things he wants to do and achieve first.
It can happen the other way around too, I know a young woman who was freaked out by early baby/marriage talk by a boyfriend, this among other things lead her to finish with him. Overall if people have different life aims/plans it's best they find out though. But reading your diary without permission is not good. As avlady points out it's a sign of lack of respect which may well mean he will disrespect you in other ways too. |
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#7
Apr 30, 2016, 07:56 AM
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Isn't the same guy we discussed here? He is on the job, he is a nurse and you are a patient. He will not pursue romance with you as he would lose his license.
As about him liking you, asking how you are or looking at you and talking to you is just part of his job. He is a psych nurse so he does need to make a pleasant connection with patients. Are you out of the facility? If you are feeling better can you start pursuing available guys? You said you are on dating sites. Btw reading diaries is bad but I am not sure how he came across it. He avoids you because he is afraid to be in any kind of trouble over you pursuing romantic relationship with him Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
| Trippin2.0
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#8
Apr 30, 2016, 09:08 AM
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I think the dynamics of the entire situation caused him to think long and hard about his career.
Having one's livelihood at high risk does seem quite frightful. |
| Katieissweet, Trippin2.0
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#9
Apr 30, 2016, 03:01 PM
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He definately liked me ive been there many times and never before was he staring into my eyes for ages across the room etc or trying to have longer conversations with me,to the point where I would walk off.
Strangely I don't feel much for him anymore but obviously i scared him off. Nurses get togther with patients sometimes,a job doesn't change the course of love but I don't know if psyche nurses have to be more rigid.
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Those who could not hear the music,thought the dancer was mad - proverb Last edited by Katieissweet; Apr 30, 2016 at 04:38 PM. |
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#10
Apr 30, 2016, 03:05 PM
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Yea I left ages ago,i am talking to guys on dating sites and am interested in finding someone else,but there is no electricity or "spark" like I had with him.
Quote:
__________________
Those who could not hear the music,thought the dancer was mad - proverb |
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#11
Apr 30, 2016, 03:57 PM
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It's awful thing to say that nurses get with patients ALL the time. You are insulting a profession. It's uncalled for
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
| PlannedObsolescence, Trippin2.0, Yoda
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#12
Apr 30, 2016, 04:06 PM
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A few guys ran for the hills without me even provoking them with serious talk.
Once, a guy I was dating told me he was going grocery shopping, and I told him I had noticed he was out of paper towels. Also, he had something on his face and I wiped it off. The reason had to be those things. He didn't call me again for six months. Another one I was seeing came to my house when my grandfather died. We had a house full of people after the funeral. He came in the front door and high-tailed it right out the back door! Didn't see him again for months. These guys were not ready for Committment. Not even paper towels! But, when the guy really cares, there nearly nothing you can do to scare him off.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
| healingme4me, Katieissweet
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#13
Apr 30, 2016, 04:37 PM
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I don't mean they get with them,but nurses do end up with patients occasionally,I don't think that will happen in my case but I have read of it.
Quote:
__________________
Those who could not hear the music,thought the dancer was mad - proverb |
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#14
May 01, 2016, 05:16 AM
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If you don't like the guy then why are you writing short stories about your perfect life together with him? Also, how did he get your diary??
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| Trippin2.0
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#15
May 01, 2016, 07:44 AM
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You edited your post from "all the time" to "sometimes". I really don't understand what you are trying to do. You were told that nurses in psychiatric facilities will not be getting in romance with you no matter how you go about it. No diaries are going to change it. Just because someone occasionally brakes the law it doesn't meanit is something you need to keep pursuing. You continue pushing this topic.
Why don't you talk to your doctor about it Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#16
May 01, 2016, 07:47 AM
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Quote:
That's incorrect. If she is a patient in psychiatric facility and he is s nurse that's not a reason to get into romance situation. Person worries about losing his job because he is pursued romantically by a patient and she is upset he is avoiding her. He sure is scared. |
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#17
May 01, 2016, 09:32 AM
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Quote:
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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#18
May 01, 2016, 01:17 PM
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I doubt looking one in the eye and asking how they are doing is inappropriate. I know psych nurses. It's not unusual for psych patients trying to pursue nurses or doctors romantically as well as accusing them of various things. It's very stressful job because you never know what you gonna be accused of. Trying to pursue a nurse who avoids a patient after patient being inappropriate, is making this person's life even harder.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
| Trippin2.0
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#19
May 01, 2016, 03:45 PM
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Quote:
If he is a nurse, it is totally unethical. He can lose his professional license for pursuing a patient, especially in a psych facility. I'm sorry to be blunt, but I am an RN, and it is not worth losing our license. There are just too many other (legal) fish in the sea. When I was in my psych clinical, I found myself having to be careful how I interacted with my male patients for this same reason. However, looking at someone intently (in order to assess their affect, mood, and basically all of their non-verbals) is part of the job. Especially if that someone is non-communicative i.e. walking away from us. If someone doesn't talk to me, how else am I supposed to figure out what is going on other than to look at them intently? Same goes for him. Edit: I am wondering why he read your diary. However, in a psych facility this is not unheard of...but they won't read it unless there is some incredibly good reason to do so. I'm not going to go into those reasons, because I have no idea what the situation was, and I don't want to seem like I'm accusing anyone. Basically, you have rights in the hospital, but there are also boundaries. (And, after reading those things, he now, professionally, has to stay away from you) |
| Trippin2.0
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#20
May 02, 2016, 01:45 PM
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Of course. Absolutely can anyone be scared off if what you're looking for isn't what they're after. I don't want kids, for example, so yeah, that'd make me think twice.
__________________
{ Kein Teufel }
Translation: Not a devil [ `id -u` -eq 0 ] || exit 1 |
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#21
May 02, 2016, 01:57 PM
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I'm not even going to be asking why you purposely ignore him and yet fantasize about children...or how someone you are ignoring got your hands on your diary...imo it sounds like a big set up to me....but I don't know the story.
Yes, yes, absolutely yes. You do not want to talk about babies and marriage with someone you are dating or just getting to know. If a guy I'm getting to know, or had just begun getting into a relationship with, I'd freak out if he starts talking about having kids or getting married. That's a huge red flag if he was absolutely serious about it. There's a fine line between, "What are your opinions on children and marriage" and "Let's start planning our future together with marriage and kids". Yes, it's important to know if your partner is interested in those things, but it's a scary thing to get serious with someone you're still getting to know |
| IchbinkeinTeufel, Trippin2.0
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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