I don't find my bf physically attractive

I don't find my bf physically attractive ... at all ... and I never have.

Please, no hate responses.

Am I attracted to him as a person? Very much so! He's so incredibly sweet and treats me so well.

But I can't help feeling incredibly guilty over the fact that I'm not at all attracted to his looks.

Perhaps it's not so much him, personally. If you asked me to describe in general the kind of looks I'm attracted to - he would be the polar opposite.

I've never considered looks at all important for getting to know people - which is why we hit it off so well.

We connect great on all other levels.

But it's really consuming me lately that I can't look at him physically and feel anything. Even when we're intimate.

And here's the hardest part of all for me to even admit to myself let alone type here ...

I can't help but feel a bit let down ... Sorry

I honestly thought in the beginning, that with time, I'd grow to be physically attracted to him - but that simply hasn't been the case.

Why am I feeling so damn disappointed today that this is still the case, two months down the line ... and questioning just how important being physically attracted to your partner really is in the bigger equation

This was embarrassing to admit to

*runs and hides*

I think, (subconsciously) you purposely went for someone where it wasn't about looks, to assure yourself, that you're better than your husband. (Cheating usually if not always starts with physical attraction no?)


FWIW, I know it doesn't have to come first. My bf and I were just friends at first, I didn't even know he was attractive until I fell in love with him, (I'm some type of aromantic asexual or something) but God do I think he's the sexiest thing alive these days.


And looking back, I was actually never into tall dark and handsome, who knew? *shrugs


I don't have any advice though, sorry.

I'm not certain that I have advice?

Maybe it's your subconscious right now telling you that you need to focus on an emotionally only connection, right now, as you're still recovering from the biggest shock in your life?

It's ok to ask for time physically, as you might just need the comfort of a deep friendship until you are ready again?

I don't know, it's just something in my gut says too much too soon post separation.

I believe attraction has nothing to do with looks. It comes from within and from emotional connection. People don't need to be physically attractive for others to fall in love with them. By this logic only good looking people would have others falling in love with them. They say sexual attraction is between your ears not between your legs. I agree. I don't really think you are ready for a relationship as it is, you need to grieve

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My experience is as Divine describes, before I knew him I would never have picked my husbands photo out as someone I found purely physically attractive, it was much more of a meeting of minds/personality - and that can be explosive.

I found this article you might find helpful:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...e-right-person

It's something only you can know, if it feels 'right' for you.

My t said that sometimes stronger attraction and chemistry we feel with most wrong people because our bodies respond to the familiar (usually something unhealthy). Being totally crazy about someone means nothing or might mean things actually are wrong

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Intimacy and physical attractiveness are important parts of any relationship. If your relationship is till new, may be it's better to reconsider its future before things get more serious. I find that attractiveness is something happens instantaneously. It doesn't grow (it could fade, though) with time. The moment you see someone, you know if you're attracted to him/her or not.

I wasn't attracted to my first husband. Ever. But he was my best friend and I thought that would be enough. Turns out he knew, he thought he had enough for us both. It ended on a sad note. I was sad because I couldn't feel what he felt and that I should've been more honest with him.

I'm incredibly attracted to my husband now. But not his looks. Both of my husbands have been physically attractive but someone above mentioned it, it has more to do with the soul.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

A lot of food for thought in the comments, thank you.

Yes, I still miss my ex *sigh* ... even after everything he did but there is absolutely no chance of reconciliation with him ... on both our sides.

Is it too soon for a relationship?

I almost don't know how to be with myself anymore.

I enjoy my bf company, hanging out, chatting to him. I really do.

I'd be too lonely by myself ... and he's a great person.

But yes, I'm still grieving my ex and likely will for a long time.

It's recommended to take at least a year off. You jumped right into it. It might work but usually it does not. It helps to stay busy and hang out with friends when lonely. I don't know if you should be dating or not but fo slow down IMHO

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Your boyfriend sounds like a good person to have in your life, maybe you two could slow things down a bit but still have each other in your lives?