Cutting all ties with sister. I'm done!

I'll try and make this short and sweet. I have a younger half sister (19years old now) and we grew up together. I had to do a big part of raising her since she was born (I was 10) because her mom was an addict. My dad had full custody and worked over time running his own company. I often had to skip school to take care and feed her. Changed diapers etc. Pretty much I've always called her my sister, never "half". When we were younger we were very close but as my bipolar and depression evolved, our relationship grew apart. I was more alternative and she grew up to be outgoing and cared about being popular and pretty. Many times I've reached out and tried to be close and I've helped her every time she needed. Now, I'm not saying this because I'm upset, but she honestly wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire.

Whenever I was ill from MI she more or less told me to "ugh, suck it up" and rolled her eyes. Yet I still tried. When she was in highschool she HAD to go where her cool friends were which was quite a drive. I got up every morning at 6am to drive her to school and pick her up. Then again at night for softball. When she needed rides and sometimes even an alibi for my dad, I had her back. We borrowed clothes, did hair, talked about boys. Then once I started doing bad mentally and in other aspects of life, I became unpopular in her book. Well I'm wise enough to know that the cool boys and pretty clothes won't get you far in life...and that's when we drifted.

Just last night, I had a death of an infant on my side of my family and I went on my dads tonight to be with my family. When I got there and brought it up, she says "like omg you're so depressing what is your problem?" I took great offense to this. I'm having a pretty hard time dealing with this loss and I just needed family... And then she says that. Note: I get upset at the drop of dime. Mad, sad, irritated etc. I just kept my cool and left the room. I sat by my brother do told him what she said. He was mad. I started to lose it and shake. I grabbed my purse and my keys, went back into the next room and went off on her. I told her how insensitive she was and that im done trying with her. We simply are not the same people anymore. We have nothing in common. And I find her...heartless.

I've made the decision to end it and stop trying. This was the last straw with me. It hurts but I honestly can't imagine being close with her again like years ago. We've grown into two separate people with two separate life's. I'd never expect her to pay me back for what I've done for her in the past because those are things family does for another...but I can't deal with someone so ungrateful and cold. This is especially hard because family means a lot to me. So this isn't an easy decision for me but I have no more straws to grasp at here!

guess I just needed to vent. This whole argument literally just happened 20 minutes ago and I'm shaking. I took a Xanax (my PRN for anxiety) and trying to calm down. I would really REALLY like a cold beer right now lol.

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(((((RxQueen875)))))

So sorry you're going through this. ((((gentle hugs))))

Sorry my siblings suck too, they cut me out years ago, hurts like he'll but if is far better to now instead of them constantly invalidating me

I've been deeply hurt by my sibling as well to the point of SI. I still have a good relationship with him, but I understand your pain. ((hugs))

I am very sorry with what you're going through right now. I may not know exactly how you feel, but I can definitely relate. I am having a similar issue with my brother. It isn't as intense as what you're going through, but if he cares about me he is not very good at showing it. I bend over backwards for him and never get that in return. The last straw for me was a week ago when I was having to go to the hospital for a procedure and was going to be given anesthesia for the first time. I was freaking out about it, and I had to have someone come and take me since I couldn't drive after and he couldn't even come and get me to the procedure on time. I was already a wreck.

Anyways, not trying to make this about me just wanted to give you a glimpse into my own relationship with my sibling and how I really can relate. Family is very important, but sometimes there comes a time with certain family members said where you just can't put up with them anymore, and I understand completely. Maybe one day down the road you two can work things out, but it seems like right now you need support and she's not providing that. Perhaps one day if both willing you two could try therapy together. I hope things get better for you soon.

I'm sorry that you're going through so much.

I don't think she had any right to say that.

I've had to cut some people out of my life in the past, some temporarily to give me breathing space, others, permanently.

If it's not serving you well having contact with her at the moment, take a break from her.

You've got to do what serves your own mental health well first.

I am really sorry about your sister and what is going on in your life, She does not sound like a very supportive person and is not showing you much care for what you are going threw, Some times we have to cut all ties with people who are toxic to us even if it is family, I have had to do so, And I know the feeling of wanting to get a beer, She is not worth your sobriety

My t says it's ok to limit or even stop interaction with toxic relatives. Keep to a minimum or to none.

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All I can say, being over twice your age, is yes, do what you need to do to stay sane BUT with the benefit of hindsight I wish I had when I was younger, is leave the door open. She has some growing up to do and when she does, you may reconnect again. Allow for that to happen. Don't necessarily plan for it, but leave it as a possibility. I personally wish I had a chance to apologise for my behaviour and reconcile with family members before they died. Hugs to you from England.

That's what my T has said, too. Less is more sometimes. For me, it's my father that I keep at a distance.

Yup. In my situation it was my father too.

I'm sorry you are going through this, RxQueen.

I always wondered about family members of people with MI who were so staunchly unsupportive; my theory is that they too have felt some of the darkness we've felt, but they've always been considered the "normal" ones and are so incredibly afraid to show any crack in that armor, because it's all they have. My aunt is the same way. She has my bipolar uncle and borderline/bipolar mother (her brother and sister), and me. And she is always talking about how she is the normal one. She used to be like my mother, but she never visited when I was inpatient, never let me talk about any MI issues, was always just trying to sweep everything under the rug. As I got older, I could see little cracks in the armor where I suspect she has had her own struggles. I don't know, this may all be babble, I just wonder if your sister acts from a basis of fear.

Anyway, I agree with Divine--it is necessary to limit interaction with toxic relatives. I had to do it with my aunt, half-sisters, father, mother, and uncle all at varying times. Amazing how I don't struggle to get out of bed from the depression anymore...

Yea my dad has my sister and older bro living with him. My dad and brother are both alcoholics and maybe she fears she may turn out like them. Then again, she cares too much about being perfect and popular and will never admit her issues.

How were you able to cut ties with your family members? I know I need to cut ties with her but in the back on my mind I think "but she's my sister!" But I know it has to be done. Whenever I turned to her for support she rolls her eyes and says "omg stop being so negative all the time!" It really hurts. I can't stop being who I am. My life IS negative lol. I don't turn to her whining and crying, I just need that sisterly love and support like we had before. But now that we're both grown, we've drifted apart and it hurts. I'm done trying. I've tried for years now and I'm getting nowhere. I hope she comes to her senses and apologizes for hurting me.. When pigs fly maybe!

My dad and brother are also toxic for me. My dad is very ignorant about my MI and a trigger, my brother enables my substance problems. Every T I've had has told me to stay away from them but I don't know where to start. They're my family and I do love them. As a matter of fact, they're really all I got after losing many friends isolating myself. I just have to grow some balls!