I am became bitter and I want to change

Okay will I have been thinking and honestly I am undateable because of my bitterness and sad and negativisness so I am basically tired of blaming an entire gender for my problems when I am the one who is bitter towards them. They are honestly not responsible for my problems and honestly if you treat anyone like **** there not going to want you so I can honestly understand why no man would want me because of how hatefilled and depressed and apathetic I've become. They honestly at least want someone who cares about themselves at least. I am the bitter one and I don't want to be anymore but how do I transform all these negative feelings I taught myself for so long. Nobody should have to put up with my anger just because I am the one who feels like a ****** not good enough for any man. Why am I projecting my feelings of being a ****** and angry person to them? This has to end if I honestly want a chance of being freed from these emotions. I guess sometimes you just need to stop projecting your vile emotions and look at where they came from. If I get uncaring and apathetic guys its honestly because they mirror all of my beliefs towards myself and others.

I do want to change I am tired of feeling like a disgusting human being and blaming it on others.

First of all, breathe. There isn't anything wrong with you. You're just going through a tough time right now and really we all have these moments or variations of these moments. It's understandable. But the fact that you don't like the feelings you're having right now is good. That's the first step. In reality it's pretty difficult to just change our mindset over night. It's usually more of a work in progress. Letting out your feelings is good, just
make sure you're sharing these feelings with your T as well. That's another important step.

It isn't your fault that you're bitter right now, but the truth is only you can change that. You're right that negativity often times leads to more negativity. There are still good people in this world, and believe me I understand how it's hard to feel that way sometimes. It might just take that one guy one day to ignore your outter bitterness and look deeper to see the real you. But again, you're the only one who can really change how you're feeling right now because you would still have to be willing to let someone in. Best of luck to you, hope you feel better soon.

I feel so overwhelmed with disappointment at myself for what I have done I just want to cry these men were people and I was to bitter to see or even care that they were trying to help me...

I think a few here could learn from this.

I think you need to focus on other things for the moment. Not on dating. IMHO

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When did you do this to them? What were they trying to help you with? Where did you meet?

My highschool friends he was the one telling me to take my medication and get a job and focus on home. He would get angry when I skipped my meds and I acted like I didn't care that I wasn't concentrating.

Have you learned ways to remind yourself of your med schedule? There are some phone apps that give alarm reminders that it's simple enough to stop, take meds and check it off your screen.

Yeah and if not my mother reminds me but I have been remembering to take it myself.