[HNational]

I'll try to keep this short. I am 20 and my fiance is 21. I love her more then o can express in words. We'be dated for almost 4 years now so we are very close. We were long distance (250miles) for the first year and a half, if that matters. Lately sex has gone way downhill for me, I'm not sure if I have low sex drive, but she has not been doing it for me lately, which I know sounds horrible... . She has a very high sex drive, always wanting to get intimate, but the sex has been very dull, and boring for me, to the point where I zone out, and only sometimes orgasm. She loves our sex, and I always make it my goal to go above and beyond her satisfaction. And if I don't orgasm I usually just say I wore myself out on her. She is very enthusiastic, and as I said before, has a high drive, but she is not very sexual, especially compared to me, I am ver open sexually and have many fetishes, a lot I feel like I can't ask her or tell her about. Example, I asked her to masturbate for me because that's a huge turn on for me, and she said that she thought that was weird and we should just have sex. As I said before we are very much in love and going to be married soon, but the sex for me is dull, and at this point when she starts getting sexual I almost feel the opposite, not only uninterested, but I really don't want to....which I know, again, is horrible... That's why I put on a show for her, because I love her so much! Please help, this is killing me and making me feel like terrible a terrible partner... (Note:everything outside the bedroom is wonderful, I love spending time with her, and always want her around)

[Crazy Hitch]

Okay so it doesn't sound like your needs are being met ...

Seems as if she turned your first suggestion down calling it "weird".

Have you thought about bringing up with her what it is that you really want?

You don't need to go into details of how she doesn't turn you on etc...

Just more along the lines of you're wanting to be more adventurous in the bedroom and try out a few things. Maybe there's something else you two could try.

Or how about trying a low key approach at first in the bedroom and see how she responds. If you're into fetishes maybe there's one that she'd be willing to go with. But not necessarily all fetishes (I know that applies for myself - there are some I'd stay away from).

[divine1966]

You might just be not compatible in that area

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[DechanDawa]

If you are compatible in many other ways, please see a counselor together. Maybe it will open things up. This happened to me in an otherwise good marriage. But if you don't get in sync in this area there is no point in getting married. You will only end up painfully divorced. I think it is possible to make this work but you both need to be open about discussing it and I strongly, strongly advise you to go together to counseling. Good luck.
PS And yes, you might also just not be compatible in this area. But it is a big area.

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

If you are compatible in many other ways, please see a counselor together. Maybe it will open things up. This happened to me in an otherwise good marriage. But if you don't get in sync in this area there is no point in getting married. You will only end up painfully divorced. I think it is possible to make this work but you both need to be open about discussing it and I strongly, strongly advise you to go together to counseling. Good luck.
PS And yes, you might also just not be compatible in this area. But it is a big area.

I agree with this. It sounds like you have some of the makings of a good relationship, and some people will tell you that sex isn't everything. It's not everything, but it's definitely a big thing. Intimacy (both emotional and physical) what separates you from being just great friends. And if you are compatible as friends, if you are attracted to her, if you feel that you two are communicating well otherwise then, yes, I believe it is very appropriate to see a counselor about this. So many people hear "counselor" and think omg, there is something wrong. But it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your relationship at all, it just means that you'd like the help of someone with more expertise on this subject. You are quite young and relatively inexperienced in both the relationship and sexual arenas (compared to, I'm sure, some of the people on this forum). I feel that counseling prior to marriage could only be a benefit to you, anyway.

Good luck!