[cureav]

Hi there,
I don't wan't this to turn into religious / non-religious discussion, so please be concrete in your answers.

I was raised in a religious family but now in my mid 30's I'm not religious anymore.
Looking at the couples that base their faithfulness to one another on a fear of a God keeping away from infidelity I often find as a pressure or a control.
So many times I feel that this fear isn't enough to keep their faithfulness towards one another.

I wonder, in a relationship where couples do not rely on this religious fear to keep their relationship pure without infidelity, on what is their faithfulness to one another based?
Is it weaker or stronger than the religious one?
What are the principles of keeping infidelity away?
Thanks

[Crazy Hitch]

To me, it's called moral conscious.

And there are many levels of infidelity. I think you can have emotional affairs to.

By rule of thumb I try live by the philosophy of -

If my partner were standing right next to me, would I still do it?

As for "fear" ... well ....... that doesn't stop everyone, unfortunately.

[Raindropvampire]

Any decision I make I think how would I feel if the situation was reversed. We made a commitment to each other we promised to be faithful. We both agreed if we ever wanted out we just would say the word and walk. It's too easy to divorce so why cheat and be THAT person? And part of mine has nothing to do with anything other than I watched my mom cheat on my dad for years. I saw what it did to my dad and my siblings. I won't ever do that.

[cureav]

"Moral conscious." Liked it.
Somehow I feel "respect" and "boundaries" behind those words.

[cureav]

Raindropvampire, sad experience. But putting yourself in other shoes is a healthy way of being aware of hurting others.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by cureav

Hi there,
I don't wan't this to turn into religious / non-religious discussion, so please be concrete in your answers.

I was raised in a religious family but now in my mid 30's I'm not religious anymore.
Looking at the couples that base their faithfulness to one another on a fear of a God keeping away from infidelity I often find as a pressure or a control.
So many times I feel that this fear isn't enough to keep their faithfulness towards one another.

I wonder, in a relationship where couples do not rely on this religious fear to keep their relationship pure without infidelity, on what is their faithfulness to one another based?
Is it weaker or stronger than the religious one?
What are the principles of keeping infidelity away?
Thanks

you don't keep infidelity away, you make a choice to be faithful yourself. there is nothing that YOU yourself can do to make the other person remain faithful but find a person that has the moral expectations you do with regards to faithfulness.

As a spouse in a marriage in a religious family, I can say I have never based my fidelity on some fear of punishment by God. In fact, fear of punishment by God rarely enters into the equation about what I do and not do. Just like with non-religious couples, fidelity is about commitment and moral values; it is about respect for the marriage and the spouse; it is about strong family values. Those are all Biblical principles (as well as just common moral principles) and really have nothing to do with fear.

[TooManyDays]

Well, I can give you my perspective. My wife and I are atheists. We've been monogamous for seventeen years, despite my great desire to **** other people. My wife says monogamy is easy for her. She's naturally monogamous and doesn't have any desire to have romantic or sexual relationships with others. She's a flawless monogamist. It's pretty amazing, and I respect that about her. On the other hand, I am very far from a natural monogamist. I've had painful extramarital crushes that I had to get through without acting inappropriately. I've had many, many desires to be with other women - and not just in the context of fantasy. I've really wanted to sleep with other people. Sometimes attractions have been mostly sexual - although never completely sexual, because the heart is always involved. Other times attractions have been deep and based on fundamental qualities that inspired great admiration. But through all of this, what has kept me faithful has been empathy. My wife will not agree to us openly seeing other people. She would be very hurt if I did it secretly, so I don't cheat. It's because I don't want to hurt her. I respect her boundaries and feelings of jealousy and insecurity even though I don't experience the same feelings. Sexual exclusivity isn't the goal. Being empathetic and responsible with your partner's feeling is the goal. Just don't hurt people.

[Trippin2.0]

The fear of God isn't any kind of motivation in my relationship.


We stay faithful because we want to, because we respect each other, care about each others feelings. Because being unfaithful would murder our relationship, and neither of us want that.


It's not an effort, its not fear based, its just a simple choice.

basic morality

[Chyialee]

Originally Posted by TooManyDays

...... Being empathetic and responsible with your partner's feeling is the goal. Just don't hurt people.

T H I S .

"Religion" is not a specific faith-orthodoxy in my not too damn humble opinion.

Let me watch & listen to you for awhile, and you won't need to tell me what your so-to-say-"Religion" is. I'll be able to tell you ... altho that would be presumptuous.

Your personal religion is the way you, personally, live your life. Disrespecting people is bad news for all concerned; betrayal is a big deal. And emotional treachery? whoo boy.
Does not bear thinking about.

I care what my fiance' feels; and how he feels about our life together is powerful -- bc it has the power to materially affect that life. I care about him, I care about the "WE" of us. Damage, that, and....

Yeah no.

But then, I can be a lil bit black-n-white in my thinking about certain things.

Chyia, intentionally monogamous, daily <3

[divine1966]

I don't have any fear of anything. Yet I don't cheat. None of my partners ( including my ex husband) cheated on me even though none were religious, neither is my fiancée. Overall I think if you go for type of people who have good values you aren't going to end up with cheaters. Religion has nothing to do with it.

Personally if relationship doesn't work I leave.

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