[Smith_L]

So my friend and I have been kind of fighting for about the past seven months. We used to talk all of the time on Facebook and Snapchat, 300 to 500+ messages a day. We used to joke around with one another and all of our messages had this fun, relaxed tone to them. We talked about anything and everything including highly personal topics. I considered him my best friend. Then around the first of September, I started picking up on a change in all of this. The amount we talked started decreasing and the overall tone became more tense. I knew he was having family problems and that he was slipping into depression. By the first part of October, we were only messaging one another 5 to 10 times every day or two. He had also gotten involved with an online gaming group that he was spending all of his time with and developed a lot of resentment toward me when I questioned that group and why our friendship had been the way it was. Throughout the winter it was a roller coaster ride to say the least. My depression has hit above the severe level because of what has been happening and being blamed for everything. Recently, we had a few heart to heart conversations and it seems like things are on the right track now and are improving. However, I still feel in my gut that when we talk there is still some tension and resentment there even though he assures me that there isn't. I believe him when he says that, but there's something on my side of things that's making me think this but I can't figure it out. I have also learned that he has a couple of new friends, one in particular, that he is talking with all of the time now and hanging out with a lot. He's now talking with this person the amount that we used to talk, but we are still only messaging back and forth about 20 times. I understand 100% that this is a jealousy issue, but I am very upset that he is talking with this person and not me. I feel like I have been replaced. Our level of conversations and the level of trust that we once had isn't here, and the connections that we shared seems to not be here anymore either. Maybe it's just going to take time to get built back up after this falling out that we had, but maybe not either.

Anyway, I was just wanting to ask for any advice that you may have to help me through this situation and through these feelings that I am experiencing. I really care for my friend and I want him to see me as his best friend too just like he used to. What can I do to help rebuild this friendship and trust back to the way it was?

[yunomi]

I feel you, i also went through the same way with my old-best-friend at mid school. We used to talk so often yet now we barely talk anymore, only once in a while. Even when we meet and hang out, the connection just isnt there anymore. She's on phone almost all the time yet it takes days to give me 4 words reply. At first it was bugging me but now i dont care anymore lol. Well the point is i cant try with ppl who dont try. If we talk, good. If not, it doesnt matter. So i just let it go~

[Trippin2.0]

You can't force a connection or closeness. Either its there or its not, trying to change it singlehandedly will just drive you nuts because its impossible.


I would say lower your expectations at this point, either accept the new rhythm of your friendship and enjoy it as is, or cut ties and move on.

[adam_k]

Friendships can have highs and lows. Sometimes the connection is there and can fade away. It takes two to make it work. All you can do is reach your hand out there and try. If your friend isn't receptive then try to accept the change in your friendship. Unfortunately you can make someone be interested all you can be is genuine and hope the other person likes it.

[LucyD]

Are you serious about 300 to 500 messages a day? When I talk to friends we only have one message a day. Perhaps you are expecting too much of him? I don't know. I'm an older lady, though, and maybe younger people do that. I find accepting things the way they are always works out. I tend to get jealous at times, too, and know how that makes us hurt deep inside. Like we are not the special one any more. But if you really don't like the way things are find another friend that makes you feel special.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

You can't force a connection or closeness. Either its there or its not, trying to change it singlehandedly will just drive you nuts because its impossible.


I would say lower your expectations at this point, either accept the new rhythm of your friendship and enjoy it as is, or cut ties and move on.

I have to say, Trippin, this is, pretty much what I was planning to write but you stole my thunder :P

Things are never static in life and that includes friendships and other relationships. Even if and when they endure, they don't remain exactly the same.

[Trippin2.0]

"Never static" is accurate and concise, thanks for that S4.


Every aspect of life ebbs and flows, and its up to us to either adapt to the rhythm or move on in the hopes to find a new rhythm to dance to.


With my relationships, adaptation is the only reason they've survived basically my entire life time.

It's not because I'm an awesome person or the other is perfect, its because we've adapted to each others needs and changes over the years.


And in so doing, we've exercised compassion, respect and trust with each other, which has only strengthened our bonds, and made the relationships easy to sustain.