Question about my sister

My sister and I have an odd relationship. It is all take on no give on her part. She borrows money (she has borrowed 500 dollars from me in the past couple months and I make minimum wage....) wants to hang out but wont come to my place (have to go to hers) and only wants to do what she wants to do. It's always been that way.

This question is about her asking me to babysit once a week. The thing is that she works part time, and the father doesn't work at all. Her and the father of her daughter are on goods terms and pass the baby off to each-other constantly because they can't seem to handle having her more than a few days at a time. Every week she calls me to ask to babysit so she can "rest". The father is doing nothing, as he doesn't work and is not too social. My sisters current boyfriend (who she decided to have a baby with after 3 months of dating and is now 4 weeks pregnant with HIS baby) gets off at three every day and could watch her. But no, she calls me once a week or more to do it. Two weeks ago I had her baby for four days in a row while her and the father and the boyfriend were all doing nothing. (Well, she was studying for her ONE college class I suppose, which she failed by the way) they give me no compensation for it.

I feel like them having a kid did not mean I signed up to be a babysitter once a week, especially so they could sit at home without their child and relax, yet I've never said no until today and she got mad and hung up on me.

Is it wrong for me to not want to babysit every week so they can take breaks?

Nope, not wrong at all. If there is an amount of time you would be willing to sit, example 3 or 4 hours for one day, or even not at all, tell her that. I find that when I set my boundaries and make them clear, it's harder to be taken advantage of by family.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

Why do you lend money to her? How is her record of repayment?

No, there's nothing wrong with you setting clear limits, not watching at all, asking for some form of compensation. So says the single mother of 3 that hasn't had a day off from parenting in who knows, who's keeping count? Yeah, I went camping without them for a whole week last summer, but, um, yeah.....don't mind me...I've been up since4:30am est....

It was her and the father's decision to have the child, and it is their responsibility. Not yours. I would refrain from babysitting for a while until she can better learn to cope with being a parent, because it's only going to get more difficult the older the child gets, and with two of them to boot. You're setting a precedent where she can just decide when she doesn't want to be a parent and pass it on to you...pretty soon, you'll be watching two kids. Nope. I would give her the opportunity to find another sitter for a little while. Or pay you. Those are the options, in my mind.

Yeah, you're right. I just can't understand why she got so mad at me when I said no today. :/ I'm still filled with anxiety about her having a second child now.. Especially with a guy she's been with for three months.. He already has a kid with his ex which he said he still had feelings for. I'm starting to feel like she's so stupid I have to help her, but I know that's not really true.

She got mad when you said no because you said no, and she's not used to hearing that word.

Lol the thing is that her (and the dad) get constant breaks already... They each get 3-4 days off from their daughter each week (depends on the week) since they pass her off to eachother so frequently. I think my sister has her less that the dad because he doesnt work. I think she usually calls me when it's supposed to be her day to watch the baby but she doesn't want to... Then she also has other babysitters she utilizes... Her current boyfriend and his sister. It's literally a game of hot potato sometimes.

I can't ask for compensation cause she is always broke.



Because she is terrible with money. She doesn't have to pay rent (lives with her bf) but while she was taking two college classes she insisted she could not work.. Which makes me kinda mad because I worked full time while taking 5 college classes.. And now shes working more but the money is always gone really fast. I give her money so she can bet basic neccesities. She borrowed 700 total last year and paid me back when she got her tax return. So I'll probably have to wait til then. :/

My sister is all take, no give with me. We used to hate eachother until I decided that I would just let her have her way on most things. When I say no, we're not friends anymore until she decides we are. And it really hurts me when she is like that. :/

Because she is terrible with money isn't a reason why you have to lend her money. She has no reason to be better with money if she knows you'll always bail her out. It doesn't sound like you're actually friends even now--a friendship is reciprocal. She's using you because she knows she can.

My mother is a pushover and financially worse off than I am, so I know if I don't give it to her, she will go to mom. She claims that the money is for her to get too and from work and take her daughter to her dads and stuff (gas money essentially). But she spends 40 a week on cigarettes so i know my money goes to that too. It doesnt help that the dad has no income. a couple weeks ago at the end of her semester she needed money "for gas" and when I tried to say no she said it would be my fault if she failed school and couldnt get to work.. She's always been prone to these mind games and was very abusive to me and my mother growing up. It makes me happy that we talk now but I am becoming increasingly dissapointed in her to the point I just don't want anything to do with it and it's plaguing my mind recently.

I am moving in August to attend university. (Ive been saving up money for a year to do this, and the money she borrows comes out of those savings.. She got more hours last week. No more borrowing now, i hope). But I don't like giving her breaks from her kid when she gets plenty. I will be able to break off this unhealthy relationship slightly when I move. I do worry that she will self-destruct when I'm gone.

Tough love !!!!

She has a child and needs to step up and be responsible , She gets breaks as her and the childs father are not together.. That is enough , most moms don't even get that break.

You can do nothing about your mom being a pushover.

Hopefully one day she will grow up .. until then if you do have that spare cash in the past you could loan her , pop that in your savings acct for something YOU want .