[RoseTiger]

Hi,

I am lesbian. I'm 19 and only put that together about four months ago, but looking back, I've always been this way.

I don't plan on coming out to my homophobic parents until I move out, which, unfortunately, won't be for at least a couple of years. My problem is, their homophobia is unbearable sometimes, and it takes every bit of my self-control not to speak up. Gays come up quite frequently in my household:

It comes up in the news which my family seems addicted to.

This library app my parents use is often advertising gay books, which enrages them.

Actors and actresses they used to like have come out.

And, last but far from least, their preferred fandoms have let their gay characters out to play, with Batwoman being in a cartoon we watched, and Little Red, in Once Upon a Time, falling in love with Dorothy.

Yup. It's everywhere. It's even in their own home in the form of me, their darling daughter. I can't tell them, not while I still live here. I know how they'd respond, and what they'd say, and how they'd treat me. I already know all this because they give me a demo every time homosexuals are brought up.

I know there is probably nothing I can do, but is there any tips anyone has for helping my parents be a little more open minded towards gays?

They are Christian, conservative, republicans, who are way behind even their times. They get stuck on stereotypes a lot, too and don't like to look things up on the internet. Not because they aren't tech-savvy, but because they don't use the internet when it comes to anything involving forming an opinion.

So if you have any advise on how to make them see the light without dropping the I'm-gay-bomb on them, that's be great. Thanks!

[Artchic528]

Are you currently dating anyone? No need to give them any indication of your sexuality unless you are in a relationship, right?

Sorry, but I don't have any advice on how to make your parents come around, however, I can offer some suggestions to help you navigate the next couple of years you still have to live with them.

Surround yourself with people and counselors and support groups that are accepting of you exactly as you are ... These will be the people who will be there for you when you do finally come out to them regardless of what the fallout may be.

Who knows, your parents may change their point of view once they realize they may lose you if they don't, but unfortunately that may not end up being the reality and you've got to have a good support network to help you through that rejection if it comes down to that!

Hoping & Wishing The Best For You!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[Bill3]

Are there people in your community who make it known that they are gay?

[RoseTiger]

Artchic528,
No, I'm not in a relationship. And I do agree I shouldn't say anything until I am. I was just hoping I could find a way to help them change their mind before it came to that.

Pfrog,
Thanks for the advise. When the time comes, I will make sure to do that.

[RoseTiger]

Bill3,
The only person who comes to mind is my cousin who says she is bi, but since my biological mother disowned me, I have no connection to her side of the family, and I now live on the opposite side of the country from them with my dad and stepmom.

The only person I know for certain would stick by me if I came out is my older stepsister. We're very close, and she has informed me during private conversations that she doesn't share the rest of our families veiw on homosexuals.

Originally Posted by RoseTiger

Bill3,
The only person who comes to mind is my cousin who says she is bi, but since my biological mother disowned me, I have no connection to her side of the family, and I now live on the opposite side of the country from them with my dad and stepmom.

The only person I know for certain would stick by me if I came out is my older stepsister. We're very close, and she has informed me during private conversations that she doesn't share the rest of our families veiw on homosexuals.

Well I'm a mother and I have a feeling their love for you will over-ride any of their homophobia - although I can't promise it I would guess it's very likely. I have seen this happen with a friend of mine, who has since come to accept her daughter's same sex partnership (which has lasted longer than her opposite sex marriage!) She freely states that her daughter's same sex partner was the best thing that ever happened to her daughter.

I think a lot of prejudice comes from not personally knowing people from the group shunned, it's much easier to make sweeping generalisations when you don't know the people themselves. It's just a shame that you may be the first homosexual person they have knowingly come across, it makes it harder for you to make that leap in coming out.

I don't really have any advice as such, just wanted to remind you the love parents have for their kids is a pretty strong thing.

That said, the decision to come out should be entirely yours, and in your own time. In the meantime I'd suggest gently shutting down any homophobic rants with something like "That's your opinion but I don't share it", firmly but politely. You are an adult and entitled to have and express your own opinions, you may want to add something along the lines of "You brought me up to say what I believe is right", which might make them think a little hopefully.

Blessings to you, be strong.

[Talthybius]

You should ask at a forum where there's other people who have come 'out of the closet'.

Part of me says you should just tell them and see what happens, but this may be a lot harder than I imagine it to be and sadly, not all parents can accept the sexual orientation of their children. It is hard for you to judge, impossible for us to judge, how accepting they will be.
It also depends on how much support you still need from your parents.

[Bill3]

The only person who comes to mind is my cousin who says she is bi, but since my biological mother disowned me, I have no connection to her side of the family, and I now live on the opposite side of the country from them with my dad and stepmom.

The only person I know for certain would stick by me if I came out is my older stepsister. We're very close, and she has informed me during private conversations that she doesn't share the rest of our families veiw on homosexuals.

I am very sorry to learn that your biological mother disowned you.

I guess what I was wondering is whether there might be people that they have a reasonably or positive view of, or even somewhat positive view of, who are also gay or lesbian. Like maybe they like Ellen DeGeneres? Or is it that they just automatically dislike anyone they know of who is gay, regardless of what the person is like or does in the rest of their life?

[Mandi29]

Hey just firstly,, a big hi to you..

It's very hard to tell someone that is personal to you and especially when they are against/none understand of this issue,,, I do believe people love people it does not matter their sexuality...

I'm struggling with my own insecurities and at this moment I truly believe I have been in the wrong relationships, I feel this has made me depressed, over eat, and feel pretty crap with myself, I dont love myself at the moment and think to myself if I don't how can I see that anyone else would, I don't blame anyone but me and me having the confidence to shout it out "Hey I'm gay" but I don't,,,

I feel my family will not be shocked when I do finally tell all but until then I hide yes in the metaphorical closet...

But in your situation, you are young and I understand that the situation (living with your family) would be devastating if they told you to leave. So I agree, enjoy life, live and be free, enjoy your friends and when the time comes that you can stand on your own two feet if the worse happens, then tell them, if they can't handle it then this is their issue not yours,,,,

I wish you so much luck in your future, sending love, light and laughter.
MMM