Why do people cheat?

I really want to know. It's bothering me.

Just 6 months ago, my older sister's husband cheated on her. Then a few weeks ago, my little sister's husband cheated on her.

Why not end the relationship first? Why have sex with another person before getting out of your current relationship?

Does the new relationship ever last? Or is it like a rebound relationship which rarely works?

I found out in February my husband whom I'd been with since I was 19 had a serious girlfriend and left me for her.

It would have saved me a lot of dignity if he'd broken up with me first.

Whilst I get that people can fall for other people .... ughhh I'm not going to even finish my sentence it just feels like I'm justifying his disgusting behaviour.

I think some men can compartmentalise phasets of their life and almost close the door when they come back home. That can only go on for so long when they can no longer compartmentalise one relationship over the other and the cracks begin to show.

I've noticed some people just are cheats, and some are absolutely not. Once a cheat, always a cheat.

They cheat because they think they are getting away with something. They want the best of both worlds. They justify it in their minds to make it seem ok. They just have no morals sometimes.

From what I understand and observe many people find divorce complicated and expensive and some don't want to lose full time with the kids , but they feel nothing for their spouses so they look for excitement elsewhere. Women often cheat when they are treated badly but are too financially dependent on their husbands and can't leave. Some cheat because they have no morals. Some cheat and they aren't even married so why not leave?

It's hard to tell. I think the only way to avoid it is choose your partners wisely. Choose people with high morals and dignity etc

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I'm not a serial cheater or anything but... I think everyone can tell when they have chemistry with someone and enjoy and start looking forward to when they are around without any malicious intent, just hey, I like that person. Then if you happen to run into them a lot and some harmless, nothings going to happen flirting goes on and you start thinking about them and feeling wanted and funny it just can get out of control very quickly. I dont think most cheaters start out with the intention of cheating, it's more chemistry, time, temptation and opportunity. Like it's really hard not to eat that last piece of cheesecake even though you know you shouldn't. No one will find out! But they always do.

For some it's as easy as pornography... this "drug" is a progressive one that interferes with normal love and all relationships. For me I viewed porn for years but I now have cheated on my future husband many times. This addiction ruins marriages and all activities in life including all relationships

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I think some people, men and women alike, cheat because they don't know how to end their relationship. Or rather, they are scared to end it. And oftentimes, they'll stay in a relationship for whatever reason even though they are unhappy, and seek someone out to make themselves feel better. It does end up complicating everything and hurting all involved. Maybe there are people out there who justify it so they can live with themselves, but I don't think anyone truly wins in this situation.

I wouldn't think anything of my brother-in-laws if they just left. My sisters are controlling *itches. My older sister once yelled at her husband for taking $20 out of the account for cigarettes. Yet she can travel to Las Vegas several times a year (w/o her husband) and goes to a Chip n Dale show and show off the pictures to everyone. Can you imagine what my sister would think if he came back showing off pictures from a stripper show?!?!

But that doesn't excuse cheating. And that also doesn't mean they didn't add to the problems of the marriage. I know the men were unhappy. But they should have done the respectable thing and left them first. Of course their mistresses make them happy. Almost anything would feel like happiness to get out of a bad relationship. But it's not right. And it does hurt everyone even beyond the couple themselves.

Exactly. Are there kids involved? That's the worst if they find out accidentally ( overhear etc)

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My little sister has no children. But the mistress has 3. My older sister has 3 kids: 2 biological, one step...all adults. The step-daughter (the husband's daughter) is the one who discovered the cheating and told my sister. Now my sister bad-mouths her father all over fb.

I have a friend whose daughter discovered her dad cheating on mom. Pretty much walked in on them. What horrid thing

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More reasons:

They are insecure and when they get interest from a new person, they don't have the self esteem to resist.

They say they are unfulfilled in their sex life because their spouse doesn't really like sex or won't do the kinky things they like, so the find others and cheat.

They are so turned on by the other person they can't resist.

They want to end their relationship so they cheat in order to blow the whole thing up.

They are just really impulsive and can't control themselves.

They want to hurt their spouse.

I don't think there is any one reason. I am firmly against cheating, but 12 years ago, when I was engaged and incredibly unhappy, I found myself attracted to a guy I used to work with, in my old ER (keep in mind, I was 24). We would see each other at parties, and flirt at work, he'd invite me out...nothing ever happened, and he's been with, and happily married to one of our old coworkers for probably almost a decade. Anyway, my point is that I wasn't getting what I needed in my relationship--attention--and the guy was giving it to me. I kind of just kept riding the wave, and didn't really think about where it was taking me. Would I have done something if the opportunity presented itself? Back then, yes, I probably would have, because I would have justified it as I was unhappy, my relationship was broken, blah blah blah. My life was a trainwreck. Now, if a similar scenario played out, I would probably end things with my significant other.

But that actually brings up another thought in my mind. I think maybe some people cheat because their current situation is bad/not giving them what they need/whatever and they are presented with the possibility of something else, but that something else isn't a sure thing. So they try on that something else, while also maintaining their other relationship because they don't want to be alone if that something else turns out to be a dead end. I'm not justifying it by any means; I think you need to make a damned choice. But that seems like how a lot of people would think.

I agree with the poster above who said that most people do not set out to be cheaters. Regardless of how much you want to hurt the other person, and there were times when I really wanted to get revenge on my ex when I was with him because he pissed me off so much/hurt me so badly, you still have to live with the fact that you're a cheater. That's all on you.

The unfulfilled needs aspect seems closest, as I've thought about why for a long time. But I think this in a way that isn't placing blame on the one being cheated on, if that makes sense? Sometimes it's deeper inside the one cheating.
Conflict avoidant has been one expression that I've heard used to explain the personality of someone that cheats.
I've observed both my parents cheat. My mom developed more of an emotional affair over many years. My father has a way of being distant and running away when he feels slighted. He also used to drink heavily the more I have considered how much alcohol was around. He had aspects of himself that I found peace in understanding why things seemed so sudden when she left him, filed for divorce and within a matter of weeks she married a long time family friend.

My father did eventually remarry. And a couple of years ago, after over 23 years of marriage, he left his 2nd wife and moved cross country and now lives with another woman. With both marriages, he has played up being a victim quite well. I don't believe he is or was the victim, either time. Yet, that's another characteristic of a conflict avoidant type, in my opinion.

One of my husbands cheated on me and he told me why. He said because it was forbidden. That was his turn on, forbidden sex. He told me that when he drank one day. He told me lots of things he didn't know he told me.

Some think that the person being cheated on isn't making the cheater happy in bed. Well, that's not true. At least it wasn't with us.

He just had a thing about forbidden sex.

What would one think if the cheater cheated only once, a one night stand out of town after many weeks from home? No emotions beyond one night? My friend was in such a situation. Her husband kept it quiet for a few years until he just had to tell her. In couples therapy, she discovered that who her husband had slept with was a waitress that had had a mastectomy recently. The waitress was older. She was afraid she wasn't a woman anymore, so part of his reason for cheating was to make that woman feel good about herself again. He is the kind of man with a lot of compassion. He quit the job that took him out of town after he cheated.

But it still hurt her deeply. And it hurt him too. He felt so guilty (as he should have!)

She forgave him. She said she even felt more sorry for him than herself at times. They were in their early 20's when he cheated that one time and they have been happily married for the last 28 yrs.

What does one do with that? How does that fit into the cheating dialogue? I don't know. Exception to the rule (which proves it's a rule???) that once a cheater, always a cheater? I think it must be more individual than that.

I'm sorry but he did not have to sleep with her to give her moral support. I'm glad they stayed together and she forgave him. It is not always once a cheater always a cheater. People change sometimes, too.

It's true that 'one night stands' do exist .. doesn't make the pain any less and the concept behind it is just the same in my eyes.

What bunch of horse crap. He slept with the waitress to make her feel better. That's the dumbest excuse I've ever heard

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@OP: In my opinion, people cheat because there is something missing in the relationship. It doesn't justify it, but I think it's a strong factor. Cheating goes both ways, by the way; which means some wives cheat on their husbands, too.

Honestly, I might have looked the other way if my husband was cheating. I know women who did. It's crazy, but I was raised to accept this. Old school thinking. The man cheats and the woman, very discreetly does, too.

But I could never do that in reality. I want love with sex and that demands loyalty.

Agreed. Why I titled it "people" and not men. Just my situation involves men.

I understand that something is missing or wrong in the relationship. But I just feel that cheating is so wrong. Because it happened twice in my family now, it makes me question my own fiance and even my step-dad. I don't think they would cheat, but then again, I didn't think my sisters' husbands would either.

I'll admit I flirted with a man online once in my relationship. At that time, my fiance was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive to me. We played an online game and that's where I met the guy. We started out as friends, but then started flirting when he learned how bad my situation was. I was trapped in my relationship. I would have been homeless if I left my fiance at that time. Anyways, after a week of flirting, I felt so guilty and told my fiance. He didn't get mad. It was my choice to change game servers and to cut off all contact. My fiance wanted to still be friends with the guy!

I couldn't even last a week of flirting, so I don't understand how people get so far as to cheat.

I think they are boring people if they have to use sex and stuff as a means of entertainment and thrill in their life.

Meet the woman of your dreams at 24, and by 26 I became a carer and didn't even know it. Depression worsens, I used to get rejected, and verbally abused, then taking care of kids and house hold. Loose confidence, gain weight, turn 30, light bulb finally comes and tells you this cant be life.

Meet woman and all she has to do to win me over is to, not look at me like you hate me, listen to me and respect me. That's very easy to thing to do when depression hasn't over comer your spouse.

So Cliffs......

Depressed Spouse will turn the most loyal person to cheat. Any more questions?
Sorry for being so ruff. I probably have depression now so I guess its ok to be mean right. LMAO.