[Brasucasulu]

This is a very hard situation and I need to vent.
I'm nit the type that hates people, and I actually get very well with other people. My BF and I started dating over a year ago, and although things go well between us I can't stand his dad. I really love his mom, she such a good person, but he's dad is an ***.
We went to spend a month close to them, and everyday I had to control myself nit say anything.
He always needs attention, for anything he has to be the center of the party and downstairs allow anyone else to speak. If me or my BF say some joke or get attention his dad start getting upset or bored. He behaves like a toddler.
I also dislike the way he treats his wife, always asking her to make him coffee, to bring him food on the the bed because he's cold, etc.
About 6 months ago he got sick with shingles, and he much better now, but he has to tell everybody about how sick he is. He's actually continuously sick, and even his daughter thinks he's faking it to get attention.
My BF wants them to come and spend 2 month with us, but I'm not sure if I would be able to deal with him. I'd not have a problem with his mom. I love her, she's a generous and lovely person. I feel very sorry for her, as she has to look after that 70 year old baby. She 70 also, and I start getting concerned of her health. But that man... Can't stand him.
Is there any way I can't stop this feeling for him?

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I'm sort of in the same boat with my bf's mom! She's a trigger for me so i stay far away! That's the best I can suggest... Stay away. I know it's hard because you do love his mom but when he speaks up and is needy then try your best to ignore it. Don't let him play you either. Good luck and I wish I had better advice!

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[Brasucasulu]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

I'm sort of in the same boat with my bf's mom! She's a trigger for me so i stay far away! That's the best I can suggest... Stay away. I know it's hard because you do love his mom but when he speaks up and is needy then try your best to ignore it. Don't let him play you either. Good luck and I wish I had better advice!

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Thank you! I wish you good luck too.
I will try to stay away, it hurts me the way he treats her. She isn't his slave. The other day we were invited to a friend dinner. As they served the food he started eating without even waiting for the hosts, his wife told him to wait, to which he replied: fu** it, I'm hungry! I feel so sorry for her.

[tabenda]

My ex mother-in-law used to take care of her husband (he has since passed away) this way. She would wait on him hand and foot. If he was home, the tv was on the station of his choice. She went where he went and took an interest in his interests (took up golf) because that's how she could spend the time with him. I could look at their relationship, not like it, and know that's not the kind of relationship I wanted.... but she was happy. She loved her husband and chose to dote on him this way. I can acknowledge it without getting angry or upset about it.

I would try to let it go as it could ruin your relationship with this family, with your boyfriend. You don't have to like everything about his family, but you don't want to be a cause of friction.

Also, did you say they are both 70? At 70, I would not assume he is faking anything.

[Brasucasulu]

Originally Posted by tabenda

My ex mother-in-law used to take care of her husband (he has since passed away) this way. She would wait on him hand and foot. If he was home, the tv was on the station of his choice. She went where he went and took an interest in his interests (took up golf) because that's how she could spend the time with him. I could look at their relationship, not like it, and know that's not the kind of relationship I wanted.... but she was happy. She loved her husband and chose to dote on him this way. I can acknowledge it without getting angry or upset about it.

I would try to let it go as it could ruin your relationship with this family, with your boyfriend. You don't have to like everything about his family, but you don't want to be a cause of friction.

Also, did you say they are both 70? At 70, I would not assume he is faking anything.

Thanks for your reply! Yes, they're both on their 70's. He isn't faking it, just exaggerating. The other day she told me that sometimes she feels like running away. I feel for her because she's a big heart, and has been taking care of her sick husband and demanding husband for years.
The other day for instance she forgot her phone at the house, and he was calling her stupid. That hurt me a lot, because a few minutes before that she had been serving his lunch at bed, because he was lazy to sit on the table with us.
I'm lucky I only see them once a week.
But you're right, I should just leave things as they are.

[IceCreamKid]

Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? I would want to know if his father has always been this way (obnoxious, demanding and unable to care about others) or if this is recent behavior. If it is recent behavior, I would be considering some sort of dementia.

Either way, he is not going to get better. If I were you, I'd minimize the amount of time I spend with the father. The other thing I would do would be to say, "Not in my house" when he does things that you don't like in your home.

Ex.: "Your wife isn't stupid and we don't talk hatefully in my house."

A lot of the other stuff, like her waiting on him hand and foot, I'd ignore.

When she complains to you, you can calmly tell her, "You've chosen to do this." She'll likely say, "Oh, but he gets worse if I don't...[whatever it is he is demanding] to which I would reply, "It still a choice."

Many people, especially people who have been beaten down over time, stop realizing they have choices. You're not judging her when you say that, you are stating the obvious which may not be obvious to her. I hope this helps.