[Tangled101]

My husband of 3 and half years was just diagnosed bipolar 2 weeks ago. I can definitely see the signs now, but a psychiatrist had put him on lexapro and Wellbutrin a few months prior to his craziest episodes. Then all of a sudden after not drinking for 4 years started going out after work and drinking in bars. After a few times of this I went to the bar and found out he had been texting with another woman telling her we were getting a divorce. I was devastated. Really until the past little while I thought our marriage was wonderful. Yes, little fights here and there but nothing out of the ordinary. The next day he was telling me he wanted a divorce. He came to our house and just stopped. He cried and told me how much he loved me and how sorry he was! A few days later he tattooed my name on his wedding ring finger without me even knowing! Things were great for 3 weeks. Then about two weeks ago he started drinking again and his new psychiatrist called me and said he needed to go to a hospital to be stabilized. My husband just went back to a bar and never even came home to tell me anything. The next day he was great and said I could take him to the hospital. He stayed 6 days. He got out Friday and was wonderful that night. The next morning though he was full of rage. By the next day he had broken many things in our house and taken money from our family and left to drive to the beach to "start over." He said his parents and I control and smother him and he has to live for himself. Then all of a sudden he turned around and came back for me to take him to the hospital 2 days after being released. This time while we were waiting he would flip back and forth drastically between "please never leave me" to "I'm not happy with you and just need to be alone." He gave me his things to take home then shortly after took them away because he said I was cheating on him! That was 7 days ago. He is still in hospital, but won't be much longer. I have barely spoken with him and have not seen him at all. He has punched a hole in the wall at the hospital I know though. Another patient told him there that we never should have gotten married and yesterday he says he plans to get an rv and just drive around when he gets out. I am so lost!! Is this really my husband? Today his parents told me they saw him and he is coming home to stay with them when he gets out. I tried to call him and he told the nurse he wasn't doing to talk to me. We have children involved in this! Both of us have a child from previous marriage and one together. Is he even thinking correctly? Should I just go ahead and file for divorce? Will this make me look bad to have a second divorce for child custody? I am just so confused. My heart is breaking. This man is like a complete stranger to me. I have so many other thing s going on as well and I just feel so deserted in the middle of everything an now he won't even speak to me.

Hi Tangled... Welcome to PC.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Yeah, what you're describing sounds like the rapid cycling and mixed states which can occur with bipolar disorder. If those terms are unfamiliar to you, I encourage you to look into them as it may give you a little further insight as to what is going on.

Whether or not to file for divorce is totally your decision, of course. However, I think the best way to look at all of this is your husband is not well. He's not doing all of this to you because he doesn't like you and is a big jerk, he is doing it because he is ill. It isn't about you, you're just the closest person to him and the one who gets the fallout, unfortunately. It may not be a bad idea for him to stay with his parents for a little while, to get himself sorted out and for you to have some space. It is unfortunate that this is happening while you also have other things going on in your life. Keep in mind that he is barely functioning for himself; he is not going to be able to be a source of support for you or your children.

Best of luck.

[tabenda]

I'm sorry this is happening. I can only imagine how confusing and painful it is. I wouldn't make any decisions right away as it sounds like this is all very new. Him going home with his parents seems like it will be the best thing for the children and would allow you some time and space to figure out what is going on and what will be best for everyone. Best wishes to you.

[~Christina]

This seems pretty typical for many people newly diagnosed.

What can you do ? Honestly take a step back.. He's not himself and this back and forth might go on for a while.. it takes time to find the right meds to help him find stability...

It really could be for the best that he not come home right away ,. Children really don't need to see all this.

Meanwhile .. for you.... Please find a Therapist that can help you figure out what you can do to help and how to not drown in the process. Learn to put up boundaries and how to enforce them.

Good luck and Welcome to PC

[BipolarMama31]

I feel so heartbroken for you because 4 years ago i did all of those things to my husband and kids and hurt hubby so badly. Thank you for sharing.

Divorce is up to you and what is best for you and the kids.

I can share that in my story, when i decided to get serious about treating my bipolar, my husband now comes to every pdoc apt and therapy apt. Its taken a long time to build trust back but he stood by me when i hurt him but now we are making progress together and as a family.

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

[TishaBuv]

Hello and welcome to PC!

I am sorry you are going through this. I agree with other posters that him staying at his parents and you just being patient is the best course for now.

I just want to add that the psych meds really affect behavior. I have experiences years of back and forth behavior in trying to fix or end my marriage. I have been prescribed at least a dozen different meds over time and they have fueled my problem.

I'm not saying the meds are bad. I just don't know. But they do affect my thoughts and actions.

[Hairball]

I agree with the other posters and I also think it would be beneficial for you to attend his pdoc, and therapy appts so u can hear for yourself what is going on and he will also know that u are there to support him. The pdoc can also help you understand how the meds work and what to expect in his behavior.