Reinforce the positive you see in another

Dr Daniel Amen found with his own child he was reinforcing negative behavior by giving it attention and not saying anything when he acted well. A trip to the ocean aquarium changed all that because he found the penguin trainer had trained the penguin to do the right thing by reinforcing the positive outcomes of the penguin.

"12. Notice What You Love about Other People, a Lot More Than What You Don’t.
by Dr Daniel Amen, psychiatrist

I collect penguins. I now have over 2,000 penguins. I have penguin anything that you can imagine, from penguin pens, cups, dolls, puppets, hats, ties, shirts, sewing kits, a penguin vacuum, and even a penguin weathervane. Many people ask me how this obsession started.

When my son was 7 years old I took him to a place called Sea Life Park in Hawaii. It is a sea animal park. At the end of the day I took Antony to see the Fat Freddy show.

Freddy was an amazing short, fat penguin. On cue, he dove from a high diving board, bowled with his nose, counted with his flippers and jumped through a hoop of fire. Toward the end of the show the trainer asked Freddy to go get something. Freddy went and got it and brought it right back. Damn, I though to myself, “I ask this kid to get me something and he wants to have a discussion with me for 20 minutes and then he doesn’t want to do it. I knew my son was smarter than the penguin.”

So, after the show I went up to the trainer and asked her how she got Freddy to do all of those really cool things. The trainer looked at my son and then she looked at me and said “Unlike parents, whenever Freddy does anything like what I want him to do, I notice him. I give him a hug and I give him a fish.” Even though my son didn’t like raw fish the light turned on in my head that whenever he did things that I liked, I paid no attention to him at all because I was a busy guy. But when he didn’t do what I wanted him to do, I gave him a ton of attention because I didn’t want to raise bad children. I was inadvertently teaching him to be a little monster in order to get my attention. So I collect penguins as a way to remind myself to notice the good things about the people in my life a lot more than the bad things. Penguins might also help you."

You can read about it here: see section 12 by scrolling down
http://www.amenclinics.com/cybcyb/12...-healthy-life/

or here [URL="https://books.google.com/books?id=FcnZCwAAQBAJ&pg=PA200&lpg=PA200&dq=daniel+amen+story+about+penguin+trainer&source=bl&ots=o1DCeJbEwM&sig=P6b2hsHrqc-Ihf4cZSv6UAqeDuM&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi-nqmn_ZHNAhVBNSYKHTFkAVU4ChDoAQg1MAY#v=onepage&q=daniel%20amen%20story%20about%20penguin%20trainer&f=false[/url]"]https://books.google.com/books?id=Fc...rainer&f=false"]https://books.google.com/books?id=Fc...rainer&f=false