[galeckifan]

Yesterday before my church group I asked a friend that goes there and lives near me if she could give me a ride home. She said sorry Im not going home to our town afterwards, so I had to ask thepastors wife for a ride home and she ended up having to leave early. As we were leaving I overheard some other girl talking to her saying ishe thinks shes going with the girl who coulnt give me a ride and her asking if she wants to ride with her or the girl that couldn't give me a ride (the girl who was deciding who to ride with lives near me too) So girl who couldn't give me a ride was lying about going back to our town afterwards?? That or she was willing to go out of*
her way to give this person a ride but not me ? Why would she lie to me?? Because of her I had to leave early before everyone else! Because she lied to me

[healingme4me]

Did you not get a ride home for a lie or for this girl having other ideas after church?

[Bill3]

Did you speak with the pastor about rides to and from church?

[scorpiosis37]

Didnt the pastor say that he wanted to talk to you about asking others for rides? It seems that others at your church feel uncomfortable with you always asking them for rides. Why don't you start taking care of your own transportation? If you don't drive, you could use public transportation, call an UBER, or use a ride sharing service. You seem to feel entitled to rides from others, but no one *owes* you a ride. It's your responsibility to figure out a way to get yourself to and from church. The fact that you seem to feel so upset at being told "no" and complain about not being invited to social activities is probably making people feel uncomfortable and causing them to make up excuses because you don't seem to take "no" very well. It's not just about the fact that you live close to this other woman. Giving someone a ride beings being in their personal space and spending time together, and people are not always comfortable with that. You have to respect that others may not want to give you rides.

I remember you posting about this previously, and several of us replying to those threads. What ever became of those situations--I see those threads haven't been replied to after we weighed in.

And I, too, am curious as to what became of the talk your pastor wanted to have with you.

Could there be a recurring theme, here?

[galeckifan]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

Didnt the pastor say that he wanted to talk to you about asking others for rides? It seems that others at your church feel uncomfortable with you always asking them for rides. Why don't you start taking care of your own transportation? If you don't drive, you could use public transportation, call an UBER, or use a ride sharing service. You seem to feel entitled to rides from others, but no one *owes* you a ride. It's your responsibility to figure out a way to get yourself to and from church. The fact that you seem to feel so upset at being told "no" and complain about not being invited to social activities is probably making people feel uncomfortable and causing them to make up excuses because you don't seem to take "no" very well. It's not just about the fact that you live close to this other woman. Giving someone a ride beings being in their personal space and spending time together, and people are not always comfortable with that. You have to respect that others may not want to give you rides.

Its not that I feel so upset at being told no, its being lied to that Im upset about. Why lie to me?

Originally Posted by galeckifan

Its not that I feel so upset at being told no, its being lied to that Im upset about. Why lie to me?

Because they don't want to give you a ride, and you have a history of not reacting well to the word no. People are entitled to their boundaries, which includes not giving you rides and not hanging out with you.

How did that talk with your pastor go?

[galeckifan]

Originally Posted by Ruari

Because they don't want to give you a ride, and you have a history of not reacting well to the word no. People are entitled to their boundaries, which includes not giving you rides and not hanging out with you.

How did that talk with your pastor go?

what do you mean I have a history of not reacting well to the word no?

[Nammu]

Do you work? Have a hobby, volunteer...anything outside of your church group which could help you not to identify so much with people that they get overwhelmed and suffocated by your need to be included?

Originally Posted by galeckifan

what do you mean I have a history of not reacting well to the word no?

I'm simply going by previous posts, which I and some of the above folks have also commented on. I know this is a new issue and a new thread. But this ride situation has come up before, and I believe you told us the pastor wanted to speak to you about it.

There was also the girl who said she couldn't hang out with you, but posted hanging out on FB.

People set their boundaries. They say no, and do not like that questioned.

Again, how did the talk with your pastor about these issues go?

[divine1966]

Perhaps there is someone at the church that is willing to do car pool on a regular basis. I think it might be appropriate to ask a pastor to help you with locating appropriate car pool. There might be someone who would be willing to give you a ride on a regular basis. I would personally ask pastor for help with the matter. I know it's tough not driving or not having a car but there might be a better solution than girls at church who clearly don't want to do it

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Rides seem to have been a problem for some time. What kind of responsibility to you take for these rides? What I am getting at is, do you give people money for gas? You should be. Are you acting on the assumption people are obligated to give you rides? Are you acting grateful when they do? Is it possible people think you are taking advantage of them. Remember, they don't owe you anything and driving you is out of kindness not obligation. You on the other hand ARE obligated to show thankfullness when they DO help you. You should be acknowledging they are going out of their way. YOU SHOULD BE OFFERING TO CHIP IN FOR GAS MONEY or the offer of something else in return. In some manner you should be giving back. Above all they should be feeling a sense of goodness you have befallen them for doing a good deed. It is in YOUR HANDS.

I can tell you there are people I would never offer rides to when I had my car running. They never offered me gas money, they were never ready when I wanted to leave, they rarely thanked me, and - above all - they acted as though I somehow owed them the favour. Some of them never even asked but assumed I or someone else would drive them. Make sure you are not being such a person.

[scorpiosis37]

I agree with justafriend. I think their reaction to you probably has a lot to do with you acting as though they *owe* you a ride. At this point, I think it is too late for you to repair this situation. It has been going on for months. Back in March you posted a thread titled "I am so upset, people at my church seem to dislike me. they seem to not want to give me rides." If you KNOW they do NOT want to give you rides, why do you keep asking them? That is why they are lying to you. They have already said no several different ways, and you keep asking.

Have you talked to your pastor yet?

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm still curious as to how the chat with the pastor went and as to why that question seems to be continuously overlooked / ignored.

[A Red Panda]

Galek, could you please respond to what people say and ask you?

It's ok if you just want to vent, but you did ask questions and this is a forum. People put time and effort into responding to you and you do have a tendency of not responding.

Pretty much all of your threads and posts have been about some of the (or just one) women at church and how you perceive them as excluding you. The last thread of yours mention that your pastor wanted to talk to you about the conflicts going on between you and the other woman.

Can you please fill us in on how that conversation went? This thread is otherwise identical to the last one you posted about wanting a ride home from church.

I agree, you may have to cut this loose. Youv'e suggested your church is out of town. Have you thought of finding a closer place to worship? This isn't a recommendation just about the logistical difficulties. "Congregation" loosely defined means family. From what you've said, you are not experiencing this from your current church. Maybe it's time to explore others that are in fact in your area. It would also be a good opportunity to get off on a good foot and start over. Meet with a pastor, minister, or two from nearby places of worship - you may find yourself a better fit. Your current pastor may be able to assist you with this.

[PlannedObsolescence]

How far is your church from home? Could you use a bicycle to get to and from?

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I agree that you should compensate for those rides. I'll tell you right now, id be pretty pissed if I had to go out of my way and use my gas and the person doesn't even offer a thing. Don't have the money? Sell some things you don't use anymore, offer to work for them in some way. Or if they call you up next weekend and need help moving, say yes. Perhaps do some work around your church and help out so the pastor will give you rides.

Edit: I just looked at your post history. It seems like you're having a lot of issues with these other people. Perhaps things are messed up and it'd be best to find a new church. Any idea why these people are negative to you? Maybe you did something in the past to upset them?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[seesaw]

I understand being upset that you were lied to. How would you have taken it if the woman had just said, "no, I'm uncomfortable giving you a ride."? Would you have respected her boundaries?

I ride a scooter and when the weather is inclement and someone is kind enough to give me a ride to and from work, or to pick me up to go have lunch or coffee or whatever, I generally show my appreciation by paying for either gas, parking, the lunch, the coffee or all of the above!

To not do that would be disrespectful towards their kindness and I'd be toadally pfoolish to think they'd want to continue helping & hanging out if I wasn't willing to show how much I appreciated them.

Also, I know I can be a bit much (overwhelming) to take at times, so I tend to back off a little when I see I'm imposing on the comfort of others ... To me, respecting others' boundaries if I want to continue having people be a part of my life is important too!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[PlannedObsolescence]

Also, have you found a job yet? Maybe you need do to something else with your time to diversify the type of people you associate with. Is church the only place you socialize at? It might be a good idea to find another outlet to make friends at. Job, hobby groups, adult education classes, gym.

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Galek, could you please respond to what people say and ask you?

It's ok if you just want to vent, but you did ask questions and this is a forum. People put time and effort into responding to you and you do have a tendency of not responding.

Pretty much all of your threads and posts have been about some of the (or just one) women at church and how you perceive them as excluding you. The last thread of yours mention that your pastor wanted to talk to you about the conflicts going on between you and the other woman.

Can you please fill us in on how that conversation went? This thread is otherwise identical to the last one you posted about wanting a ride home from church.

I second this wholeheartedly.

Hi Red Panda. Seeing as this is Sunday morning I am wondering how you are making out? There have been some very good recommendations here and I just wondered if you are/were able to put them to use.

By the way, how do you GET to church? Has that equally been a problem?

I really quite like the recommendation that you branch out and find other ways to socialize. Obviously your church is of importance to you. If you are uncomfortable looking elsewhere, it occurs to me then that the church itself might be an avenue in this respect. Are there things you can do to help/volunteer? Are you able to give back to the church and community?

Above all though I wish to emphasize the need for you to ensure you have the respect of those around you - especially if you are expecting something in return.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Hi Red Panda. Seeing as this is Sunday morning I am wondering how you are making out? There have been some very good recommendations here and I just wondered if you are/were able to put them to use.

By the way, how do you GET to church? Has that equally been a problem?

I really quite like the recommendation that you branch out and find other ways to socialize. Obviously your church is of importance to you. If you are uncomfortable looking elsewhere, it occurs to me then that the church itself might be an avenue in this respect. Are there things you can do to help/volunteer? Are you able to give back to the church and community?

Above all though I wish to emphasize the need for you to ensure you have the respect of those around you - especially if you are expecting something in return.

Red Panda is not the OP of this thread..... Galickifan is.

[Shadix]

I am someone who has done exactly the thing you are talking about: I lied to a girl to get out of giving he rides. Most people feel guilty straight up telling someone they don't want to give them a ride. In my situation, we worked at the same place and she normally worked from home but had to come into the center twice a week. I had already agreed I could give her a ride on those two days. At first I didn't mind, but later on it became clear to me she was using me. She seemed to have the impression that I was into her or something and seemed to think she has me in the palm of her hand. The funny thing is that I had no interest in her and didn't even find her attractive or fun to be around. I was really just being nice to her because she was nice to me and I was eager to make new friends at my the new work place. At first she gave me one of those "we should hang out sometime". I took it as her actually wanting to hang out, so out of sheer politeness I texted her at one point to see of she wanted to hang out. She wasn't available. Texted her another time, she also wasn't available. Then one night she texts me at 11:45 PM asking if I wanted to get something to eat, saying she was in the mood for a particular place. Yup only when she is hungry and desperate for a rides. Also, I asked her if she wanted to add me on facebook at one point and she replied that she would rather not yet because her facebook was "not work appropriate" or something, but then a little while later she was asking this other girl at work(whom she had a lesbian crush on) if she got her friend request...right in front of me. That was the last straw and I basically resolved to ditch her. It offended me so much that she was using me for rides meanwhile trying to "keep me at bay". But even with all that, I could not bring myself to tell her I just didn't want to give her rides, I ended up making up some lie about how I need to come in earlier or something. So yeah another piece of advice is make sure you are not giving those people the impression that you are using them.