[BipolarMama31]

Not sure if this is the right place, but it was the closest to family issues i could find.

At summer camp today, my 4 year old son was asked by an 8 year old girl "ill buy you ice cream if you take out your penis". He did it. They were in a corner with another 8 year old girl and my 5 year old son.
Then she pulled down her pants and showed her butt.

My son knows this was wrong. Immediatley when i picked them up he confessed while we were still there.

So i took both boys, me and my husband and the manager to a private room and sat around the table and asked for the whole story. We talked about private parts, not doing something you know is wrong even if someone older tells you to or bribes you with a gift etc.
He understands the whole thing was wrong.

The manager left and talked to the girl, 2 minutes later she came in and apologized to the boys and to us.

The manager said she will call the girls parents immediatley. I trust that she did. Shes great at her job.

There is tomorrow and next week before camp is over. I dont want her near my kids. If they dont kick her out, im not sure what to do.

The incident happened during movie time. They were supervised, but the room was dimly lit and they were sitting on the ground against the wall. I dont believe there is a supervision issue.

I have been googling all afternoon freaked out!
I was abused sexually as a child and i believe something like this could scar my boys. There was no touching luckily, but i believe there could have been if the supervision was lower.

What do i do!?!?

I thought about calling dss, but my husband said wait until tomorrow to see how the camp handles it first.

Opinions?

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[Travelinglady]

I'm no expert, but as long as there was no touching, I guess it could be just childhood curiosity, the playing doctor thing? Eight seems to be a bit old, though, I would think.

[yagr]

In my opinion, the most likely way for such a situation to harm a child is for the adults to over-react.

[Trippin2.0]

I agree wholeheartedly with the above posts.


I remember that specific childhood curiosity quite well, we knew it was naughty, thus bribery is "understandable" in such a situation, because you want to see what the big secret is.


Even the age gap i can "understand" it would obviously be tough for this girl to get someone her own age to cure her curiosity, a younger child is obviously more susceptible to bribery... As stated she did not attempt to touch him, so i wouldn't lose my mind just yet.


Kids have no need for dim lit rooms, its not a movie theatre and they're not adults. Ask them to fix the lighting to prevent such an instance from happening again.


When my friends and i were naughty, showing off our bits, I wasn't violated in that instance, but I'm sure that if my parents had made a big deal, I would've felt "harmed".


Disclaimer: I'm in no way trying to minimize this experience for you, just offering a different POV.

[Bill3]

We would not contact the authorities in this situation.

[Crazy Hitch]

No need for dss to get involved in child play

[Rose76]

This is not sufficient grounds for the camp to expel the 8 year old girl. There is something a bit "off" about this 8 year old, and she totally deserves to be more closely watched by the staff at the camp. To call what she did "child sexual abuse" is stretching that category somewhat further than I would. See it as a learning opportunity for your boys, which it sounds like you did do. Sometimes it takes participating in an inappropriate scene for kids your boys' ages to grasp that it really is inappropriate. How wonderful that they opened up to you about it that very day. That's what you want them always to do. Catastrophizing the event might inhibit them from being that open in the future.

It would be okay, IMO, to follow up with occasionally asking the boys, "So how's that girl at camp acting?" The girl most likely engages in other behaviors that are not totally wholesome. And she won't be the last such youngster that your boys will encounter. I would explain to them that some kids come from homes where they don't learn how to act right and that it's too bad for them that they don't know better. I'ld explain that learning how to act right is just as important as learning numbers and how to talk and how to do all the things that kids have to learn. I wouldn't overly sexualize the message.

There's lots of good advice in the posts above.

[BipolarMama31]

Thanks everyone. Inwas pretty freaked out when i posted.

But after calming down the best piece of advice is that parents overreacting will cause more damage than the actual incident.

The girl needs a talk from her parents. I hope they handled it well.

But at our house, we thanked the boys for telling the truth and talked about private parts again and were gonna drop it.

Thanks everyone for a little perspective when i was freaking out

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[BipolarMama31]

So good news. The girl was picked up early by her mother. Her mom did everything right.

She was apparently completely shocked and very concerned. Due to privacy, they wont tell that mom our info, so she had her daughter write an apology to my boys.

Im so glad that mom is doing her best in the situation.

I found out that the girls father committed suicide 2 years ago. He left behind 5 small kids and his wife. I can understand the emotional side to that for such a young girl. I hope her mom takes this as a cry for help potentially (?) and follows up with a therapist for her. Its all very sad.

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[amandalouise]

yea here in my location its normal for children of all ages to play show me yours and Ill show you mine games. some are like what you posted others are things like spin the bottle (everyone in the game sits in a circle and spins a bottle. who ever the bottle stops spinning at has to show something either in front of everyone or privately to the spinner. other variations of this game include mild touching or kissing depending upon the age of the children and their mentality of this game) whistle stop (two people one shows and stops when the other whistles, or one touches starting out with normal touch and then moving into the gray and do not touch areas and the one being touched whistles when they want the other to stop)

my point I can name many show me yours and Ill show you mine games that on between children of all ages.

do I think this situation in the posters post was handled right...if in my location this is exactly how it would have been handled.

unfortunately theres no way to keep children from each other in situations like camp or school unless the poster removes their own child from camp and school. but you can ask that better supervision is done so that the children in question are always in the presence of an adult who can ensure private show me yours and Ill show you mine situations at camp cant happen again.

[iloveplants]

Originally Posted by BipolarMama31

Not sure if this is the right place, but it was the closest to family issues i could find.

At summer camp today, my 4 year old son was asked by an 8 year old girl "ill buy you ice cream if you take out your penis". He did it. They were in a corner with another 8 year old girl and my 5 year old son.
Then she pulled down her pants and showed her butt.

My son knows this was wrong. Immediatley when i picked them up he confessed while we were still there.

So i took both boys, me and my husband and the manager to a private room and sat around the table and asked for the whole story. We talked about private parts, not doing something you know is wrong even if someone older tells you to or bribes you with a gift etc.
He understands the whole thing was wrong.

The manager left and talked to the girl, 2 minutes later she came in and apologized to the boys and to us.

The manager said she will call the girls parents immediatley. I trust that she did. Shes great at her job.

There is tomorrow and next week before camp is over. I dont want her near my kids. If they dont kick her out, im not sure what to do.

The incident happened during movie time. They were supervised, but the room was dimly lit and they were sitting on the ground against the wall. I dont believe there is a supervision issue.

I have been googling all afternoon freaked out!
I was abused sexually as a child and i believe something like this could scar my boys. There was no touching luckily, but i believe there could have been if the supervision was lower.

What do i do!?!?

I thought about calling dss, but my husband said wait until tomorrow to see how the camp handles it first.

Opinions?

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

Bi-P Mama,

Kids of this age are testing boundaries, and for some this type of risque behavior may be normal, or part of THEIR development. The girls may have been taking advantage of their independence within the camp. However, the camp advisors should have a stronger hold on - and awareness of - this group of kids.

Your sons may remember the incident (as I recall a few which I dealt with as a child), though making too large of an issue out of this may make them feel alienated even more-so than they did within the situation itself.

I would say speak with the parents of these particular children (if possible), and request camp counselors monitor/ keep these children CASUALLY (not obviously) separated. Children are innately innocent, and do things they DO NOT KNOW are NOT innocent. So, for the sake of everyone's mental health, you may want to keep the instance as a simple lesson in right/ wrong.

[iloveplants]

Originally Posted by BipolarMama31

So good news. The girl was picked up early by her mother. Her mom did everything right.

She was apparently completely shocked and very concerned. Due to privacy, they wont tell that mom our info, so she had her daughter write an apology to my boys.

Im so glad that mom is doing her best in the situation.

I found out that the girls father committed suicide 2 years ago. He left behind 5 small kids and his wife. I can understand the emotional side to that for such a young girl. I hope her mom takes this as a cry for help potentially (?) and follows up with a therapist for her. Its all very sad.

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Oh wow. Those poor kids. Of course they are acting inappropriately, as a stress response. Sorry to hear such a sad story.

[BipolarMama31]

Thanks iloveplants.

I was freaked when i first posted but it was handled very well by the camp and the mother.

I read that the biggest way to traumatize a kid after something like this is for the parents to overreact.
I didnt overreact in front of my kids. Only in private

But i feel good knowing they are safe there for the last week of camp and the girls mom reacted appropriatley.

We talked about private parts are private, even if someone older or an adult asks you to do something you know is wrong, you dont do it.

Its a lesson at this point. I was just super freaked and was googing and got way too much info that made my mind wander.

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[Rose76]

I thought that something was probably amiss in the girl's home. You've heard that she comes from what sounds like a stressed sutuation.

Her mother having her write out an apology sounds like an appropriate parental response.

[Always Hurting]

Hello, I'm new here but reading this thread made me wonder. Do you think someone may have said this exact same thing to this little girl at some point in her life? I know she is only 8 years old but it makes me wonder how she would know how to do such a thing? I am of course hoping that this was all just curiosity on her part but as a survior of child sexual abuse it just makes me wonder if someone taught the girl this behavior.

[BipolarMama31]

Yea i feel so sorry for her.
Her mother has apparently been a mess since it happened in 2014. 5 kids. He was found by one of the kids in the garage. Its just so awful. I feel so sad for them. I want to do something, but I would have to ask the camp to mediate for privacy reasons for all involved.
But she did great in this situation so that's all i can ask for.

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[Wild Coyote]

Well handled!

((((( BipolarMama )))))


WC

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by Always Hurting

Hello, I'm new here but reading this thread made me wonder. Do you think someone may have said this exact same thing to this little girl at some point in her life? I know she is only 8 years old but it makes me wonder how she would know how to do such a thing? I am of course hoping that this was all just curiosity on her part but as a survior of child sexual abuse it just makes me wonder if someone taught the girl this behavior.

Something more is amiss with this girl. It need not be that someone said/did the exact same thing to her. But, I would suspect that inappropriate, lewd behavior has been role-modeled for her by someone. In any case, with what's gone on in her home, it's a cinch to guess that her needs - for training in good behavior - have not been met. The incident does sound kind of like a cry for help. She is not getting her legitimate needs met.

I think you are wise, Always, to wonder what abuse she may have been exposed to, herself. That home has been in a state of emotional chaos. She has 4 siblings. Kids can sometimes turn to each other in strange ways when their parents are emotionally unavailable to them.

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I remember that specific childhood curiosity quite well, we knew it was naughty,

I'm curious. Exactly how and why did you know it was "naughty"? Where did you get that idea and, if it was "naughty", why did you still need to see the big secret? As for me, my brother and I, when very young, once had a "girl friend" who would take us into our barn and show us her "parts". She had us move away from the openings in the old barn roof so "god" could not see us! This was about as close as I ever got to thinking that what we were doing was wrong/or bad because I was already afraid of "god". I came to think of "it" (sexual stuff) as naughty when our very enraged grandfather ran into the barn and loudly cursed and chased our "girlfriend" away and then gave us a very shaming and disturbing lecture about how bad we all were. It was more about being bad than sex but naughty sex became stuck in my mind and then a lot of other teachings about naughty sex followed that.

thus bribery is "understandable" in such a situation, because you want to see what the big secret is.

In our case, she did not "bribe" us but I believe her intentions were similar to the girl in the OP- she wanted attention but knew there was something wrong with her method. Not sure what the little boy's intentions were but he obviously did not see it as wrong at that moment.

Even the age gap i can "understand" it would obviously be tough for this girl to get someone her own age to cure her curiosity, a younger child is obviously more susceptible to bribery... As stated she did not attempt to touch him, so i wouldn't lose my mind just yet.

I wouldn't "lose my mind" either but I'd sure take an honest look at my own parenting styles and try to HELP my child deal with life better.

When my friends and i were naughty, showing off our bits, I wasn't violated in that instance, but I'm sure that if my parents had made a big deal, I would've felt "harmed".

And in our case, the harm came from very inadequate and over reactive parenting which sought to punish and shame us rather than HELP us.

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by BipolarMama31

But at our house, we thanked the boys for telling the truth and talked about private parts again and were gonna drop it.

I applaud you for allowing or inspiring the boys to tell the truth (we didn't dare tell our parents the truth!) and talking openly and honestly about "things". IMO, open, honest and non-shaming discussions works way better than a "talk from" one's parents or punishment, etc.
good luck.

[jimmy rich]

[quote=BipolarMama31;5242591]

I can understand the emotional side to that for such a young girl.

She probably has an EXTREME need for attention and love in whatever form she can find it.

I hope her mom takes this as a cry for help potentially (?) and follows up with a therapist for her. Its all very sad.

I hope so too and also a therapist for the mom as well.
The whole thing is sad but repairable, IMO.

[Always Hurting]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Something more is amiss with this girl. It need not be that someone said/did the exact same thing to her. But, I would suspect that inappropriate, lewd behavior has been role-modeled for her by someone. In any case, with what's gone on in her home, it's a cinch to guess that her needs - for training in good behavior - have not been met. The incident does sound kind of like a cry for help. She is not getting her legitimate needs met.


I think you are wise, Always, to wonder what abuse she may have been exposed to, herself. That home has been in a state of emotional chaos. She has 4 siblings. Kids can sometimes turn to each other in strange ways when their parents are emotionally unavailable to them.

I agree with you Rose. I do hope the mother gets help for the little girl.

[BipolarMama31]

I talked about it with my mom today. She agrees with all of what was said here.

She asked if dss was called and i said no. She said everything was handled well, but she is wondering if the camp has an obligation to report? Not sure.

But if there is something that child needs and isnt getting emotionally, if her mom does nothing and no one steps in, I would feel so guilty.

Im not gonna call. I dont think its my place. But is it the camps responsibility?

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[Always Hurting]

Originally Posted by BipolarMama31

I talked about it with my mom today. She agrees with all of what was said here.

She asked if dss was called and i said no. She said everything was handled well, but she is wondering if the camp has an obligation to report? Not sure.

But if there is something that child needs and isnt getting emotionally, if her mom does nothing and no one steps in, I would feel so guilty.

Im not gonna call. I dont think its my place. But is it the camps responsibility?

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Honestly I don't know if the camp has a responsibility to call dss or not. You could follow up with the camp and see if they'll tell you anything. Or if you feel comfortable, maybe you could reach out to the mother if you have a way to find out who she is. This is a tough situation to be in.

[BipolarMama31]

Geeze it really is. Now that ive calmed down, accepted no actual abuse happened, and turned it into a teaching moment for my kids... i cant stop worrying about the girl and her siblings.

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