I admit I managed to hide the emotional abuse and cruelty for as long as I could but there came a time when the lack of respect by way of totally inappropriate behavior was pretty much apparent. I have a lot of rage and shame over this.

But I also have a great deal of resentment for those who ignorred the situation when it became quite plainly obvious. If you knew your brother-in-law was running around with women behind your sisters back, why would you be friends with him? If you knew your friend stole over a million dollars from his wife - who is now forced to live on disability - don't you think you would question that? Your friendship?

[Trippin2.0]

Some people have low standards and no sense of loyalty, especially if they somehow benefit from the horrid individual.


I'm really sorry to hear about this, I could never remain friends with a person such as the one you describe, not even if he was my family.

[Crazy Hitch]

*shake my head*

What a douche bag.

Not the type I'd be friends with.

Infidelity?

Forget it.

Theft?

Done and dusted.

I'm not sure why people would choose to be this person's friend either, frankly.

[divine1966]

Do they know he did all that? Also maybe he telling them story about how things happened?

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[divine1966]

I have to add that after reading your post again I bet he portrays the situation differently like you're the abuser or you are the one cheating or you were lazy. That's what abusers do

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Originally Posted by divine1966

Do they know he did all that? Also maybe he telling them story about how things happened?

well, I admit it is easier to whine here in this forum than to those in my real life. There is a huge component of shame in it.

We were together for 16 years and in hindsite it was questionable from the beginning. I did everything to make sure the relationship was - or at least appeared to be - perfect. A great deal of that had to do with my lack of self worth - which he took advantage of - and my desperation to appear as normal. A very big part of this effort to keep the relationship looking perfect was that my mother was still alive for half of it. Short story is that she was a bully in my life and I couldn't possibly let her find out. To do so would have been to invite critism for a failed relationship she would have automatically reacted to as being my fault. Had I left at that point I very much would have understood people rushing to his side in the assumption he was the hurt party.

But....

The second half of the relationship was different - especially the increasingly poor displays of outrageous behaviour - particularly that with young women. This certainly wasn't private. Pictures of his antics abounded on Facebook. He would take dates to functions he failed to even tell me about. And finally, he had a relationship I later found out everyone but me knew about on the side.

These were not hidden - in fact he drew attention to his behavior.

So no, it is not a case of people not knowing about it - perhaps being unaware of what he took from me financially and otherwise, but the friends and my family couldn't possibly have been blind to his lack of respect.

In answer to your other post, I have though a great deal about what his version of the story must be. The fact that I have since been diagnosed as Bipolar is huge cannon fodder.

Even then, knowing your sister or friend is being cheated upon, it just doesn't make sense you would be good friends with him. Incidentally, I am not just speaking of friendships by the likes of Facebook, I am talking real life. Hell, my brother has even been on holidays with my ex and the other woman. That is intolerable and hence the rage and resenmtent.

Well I am better today folks

[Crazy Hitch]

Glad to hear that

[avlady]

Just a friend i hope day continues to stay better

I admit I popped off this thread in a very resentful and irritated mood. I am doing my best to leave it. It has been triggered by some PTSD memories that have spilled over. Acknowledgement is a big theme in my life. Lack of it for things that have occured or things (like work) I have done seem to rue the day. Oh to be sure I still feel those emotions I have listed above I usually don't allow that to pop up in my daily life. It usually takes a trigger. When I have calmed a bit I am usually in a better way to consider the evidence things are for the better and I am no longer in the situation. That is about where I am right now.

Thanks everyone for providing that acknowldegement and level headed advice.