Dealing with guys who stare at women....

Shadix you are missing the entire point again.

It's not about physical attractiveness ( many older men are very attractive and many young ones aren't), I don't recall anyone saying that these men weren't good looking, it is about age. When people lived long enough they are expected to know that staring is rude. Some younger guys might not know how to behave yet. Hence when older man is rude it's more shocking and creepy.

It's nothing to do with attractiveness. You seem to equate attractiveness with age which simply isn't accurate. Plenty of attractive people of any age out there. You seem preoccupied with looks while this thread isn't about looks

Overall this thread isn't about what you think is attractive, but about rudeness of staring and how it bothers people. If you enjoy being stared at then it is fine.

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If it was really about parental age difference, then I would expect women to have the same reaction to much younger guys hitting on them. But so far, I have not noticed women describing young guys who hit on older women as creepy. It seems to me like most 50 year old women would be flattered to get attention from a 20 year old guy. Meanwhile, you see so many 20 year old girls who are creeped out by guys as young as 30. That age difference is not in the parental range. So what gives?

I am not judging you for the visceral reaction, I am just trying to understand what the reason is behind it.

But just a second ago you were saying that the issue is the age difference. So it would seem that there is an issue regardless of whether or not the guy stares and salivates or just politely gives you a compliment.

Good for you. I am 28 and I most certainly WOULD date younger. Most of the people I hang out with are about 23-24, and it doesn't even feel like there is an age difference between us when I am hanging out with them.

Siblings are typically 2-3 years apart in age. So is your brother opposed to dating girls 2-3 years younger than himself?

Again, you are totally missing the point Shadix. This is not about age or attractiveness. It is about men staring at, ogling, bothering, and acting inappropriate towards women in public.

For me, it makes no difference whether the men are old or young or hot or ugly. I do not want ANY of them staring at me, trying to talk to me, or hitting on me. I want to be left alone. It's not only creepy, it's also scary to me. I'm afraid of these men taking it too far. I'm also repulsed by the level of entitlement some men feel, thinking they have a "right" to my time or attention. You're lucky you do not experience this because, if you did, you would NOT like it. I have to plan my life around making sure I don't park in an unlit area, only walking on heavily populated streets, leaving places earlier than I want to just so I don't have to walk alone in the dark, etc. It also becomes expensive because I choose not to take public transportation at night and instead drive and pay to park in well lit ramps with security guards just so I am safe. It's horrible to have to change your daily routine just to avoid having creepy men assault you-- or avoid creepy men who "might" because you never know.

And, just since you seem so hung up on age for your own reasons, I have been approached by younger men and I hate that, too! I've also hard students hit on me which is just gross because they seem like babies to me. They're 18-22 and I'm 31 so they're not young enough to be MY kids, but they still seem like kids to me.

I'm sorry, there is no more words in my vocabulary to attempt to make you understand.


You've already chosen a point of contention and run with it, as usual. Clarifying till I'm blue in the face will do neither of us any good, it will only serve to agitate me and to top it off, it wont even cause you to have an epiphany.


You've made up your mind, and I'm done repeating myself.

Shadix-- it's about the fact that the men are thinking about the women sexually and violating them with their stares. It feels like getting raped.

If you had women stare at your crotch and drool, it might flatter you, but it makes us women feel violated and kind of scared that these men right really attack us. Especially those of us who were really violated.

You have not clarified anything. In fact what is very confusing is that when I post about my issue being judged for liking younger girls, you are always trying to tell me there is no issue with it and that it is all in my head. Now here you are admitting you do in fact have a major issue with age differences.

Also, I think that in this post it is pretty clear you are talking about their physical appearance and not whether or not they are old enough to be your parent.

Shadix-- Are you just trying to make a point about age? Were you on the high school debate team? Why are you hammering on this? Did they make you feel bad because you said you want to only date girls younger than you? So what? I guess you feel that way because you are so inexperienced that you are afraid of women closer to your age. That's ok. I think you are being annoying in trying to prove a point.

Meh, who am I to talk about doing just that with the problems in my own life?

I do all that...no stares...

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[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

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I didn't say I only want to date girls younger than me. I said I want to date whoever I like, and many of the girls I like are younger than me. No, I am certainly not "afraid of women closer to my age" I don't know why people keep suggesting that. Personally I think the girls that society considers "younger" ARE "close to my age". I think that 28 and 22 for example should be considered around the same age. Besides, most 22 year olds and even 18 year olds are more experienced than me datingwise anyways, so by that logic I should be afraid of them too.

Ughhh this whole staring thing is starting to creep me out.



Yuck!

What "epiphany" am I supposed to have? That pursuing girls more than 3 years younger than me is creepy and that I should stick to only women over 26?

Shadix, may I ask why you hijacked this thread to once again obsess (rather unhealthily I might add) over what women think?

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MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

Shadix, not a single woman on this particular thread said she has trouble with any men asking any women out.

This thread was about people rudely staring in public not about anyone dating or wanting to date anyone. It was about people rudely staring in public. We already have many threads about dating difficulties. Or you can start a new one.

If you want to date women of any age, then do so. It has nothing to do with people rudely staring. You can ask women out without rudely staring. Do you not see the difference between dating/asking people out and rudely staring?

What's the issue?

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Amen and thank you Divine.

[QUOTE=Shadix;5140865
Siblings are typically 2-3 years apart in age. So is your brother opposed to dating girls 2-3 years younger than himself?[/QUOTE]
Comment on shadix statement " siblings are typically 2-3 years apart".

That is a rather strange statement. What do you mean "typically" siblings are 2-3 years apart? My niece and nephews are 12 and 6 years apart. My cousins are 11 years apart. And my daughter and her siblings ( technically half siblings but no one calls them that) are 20 years apart. And many other people are any other age ranges.

As about 50 year old women flattered that 20 year olds stare at them. I am 50. Many of my students are 20. So no I wouldn't be flattered. My daughter is almost 30. Where do you get your info on what 50 year old women like or dislike ?

Shadix where is this preoccupation with what strangers think come from?


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You're really lucky then. You don't want creepy men drooling, following you around, whistling at you, saying dirty things to you, and trying to touch you as you walk by. Be careful what you wish for. If you started getting this attenrion, you'd hate it in a matter of minutes. It's scary, not flattering.

Being stared at is really disturbing. It makes you wonder what they are planning to do.

It doesn't matter what age they are. The difference for me, is that say if a child is staring at me.... I usually go "do I have something on my face?" because they are a child. I'm 31, so if someone in their late teens, early 20s, was to stare at me I'd be thinking "Oh gawd, am I looking really old?!" - if it turned out that they were thinking the opposite, I'd then go "Oh gawd, they're way too young!".

If they are about 5 years younger than me up to about 10 years older, then I'd be thinking that he is rude, and if it was excessive staring I would then get really creeped out because I'd be wondering what his intentions are - it could be shyness, it could be more sinister.

If an older man is staring at me, I am going to be uncomfortable a lot quicker - because if they are staring at me, I KNOW it's a purely sexualized oggling and the thought of being with someone who could be my parent is just... gross.

You might think you would be flattered to get stared at. But if it becomes a regular experience then no, you will NOT find it flattering - you will find it very disturbing. There's no real compliment in being stared at - someone is staring at you and it's like... attempting to violate your body without actually touching you. Because besides trying to imagine that person naked or doing something sexual, why else would you be staring for a long time? So... you know that's what is going on in their head.

And the reason why women are complaining about OLDER men... is because usually younger people (of any age here!) don't oggle people older than them. 20 year old men are much less likely to approach me than 40 year old men. Same age difference, but to the 20 year old I will be viewed as "older". And I am ok with that - because I am significantly older than them both in regards to age and my stage in life.

Some older men are very attractive. But it doesn't mean I'd want to do anything with them. I'll give the example of Johnny Depp - he's 53, I'm 31. I think he's very attractive. I've thought he was very attractive since I was a little girl and saw him in Nightmare Before Elm Street! I've never found him to not be attractive. But I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with him because we are so far apart in age: it's a 20 year difference! I don't consider Johnny Depp to be old, but he is "older" than I am.

So why is it that a guy 5 years younger to 10 years older is rude, but a guy in his late teens and early 20s is not rude? You really think early 20s is too young to know better than to stare at women? And why wouldn't you be suspecting that the 20 year old has sinister intentions as well?

Also just fyi, most 20 year olds don't see a 30 year old as "old". If they do they are probably really dumb and immature and haven't been around 30 year olds. Many 30 year olds don't even look different from 20 year olds.

So you don't think it is purely sexualized oggling with the younger guys? It is pretty common knowledge that guys in their adolescent years are much more sex-obsessed. I think a 20 year old guy hitting on you would be much more likely purely sexual oggling than a 40 year old guy.

Yes I understand the difference between rudely staring and asking someone out. I do not rudely stare at women. But again, many comments made here seemed to be talking about men showing interest in younger women period, not just the ones rudely staring. One person mentioned getting messages from older men on match.com. How is that related to staring?