Dealing with guys who stare at women....

Ughhh this whole staring thing is starting to creep me out.



Yuck!

What "epiphany" am I supposed to have? That pursuing girls more than 3 years younger than me is creepy and that I should stick to only women over 26?

Shadix, may I ask why you hijacked this thread to once again obsess (rather unhealthily I might add) over what women think?

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Shadix, not a single woman on this particular thread said she has trouble with any men asking any women out.

This thread was about people rudely staring in public not about anyone dating or wanting to date anyone. It was about people rudely staring in public. We already have many threads about dating difficulties. Or you can start a new one.

If you want to date women of any age, then do so. It has nothing to do with people rudely staring. You can ask women out without rudely staring. Do you not see the difference between dating/asking people out and rudely staring?

What's the issue?

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Amen and thank you Divine.

[QUOTE=Shadix;5140865
Siblings are typically 2-3 years apart in age. So is your brother opposed to dating girls 2-3 years younger than himself?[/QUOTE]
Comment on shadix statement " siblings are typically 2-3 years apart".

That is a rather strange statement. What do you mean "typically" siblings are 2-3 years apart? My niece and nephews are 12 and 6 years apart. My cousins are 11 years apart. And my daughter and her siblings ( technically half siblings but no one calls them that) are 20 years apart. And many other people are any other age ranges.

As about 50 year old women flattered that 20 year olds stare at them. I am 50. Many of my students are 20. So no I wouldn't be flattered. My daughter is almost 30. Where do you get your info on what 50 year old women like or dislike ?

Shadix where is this preoccupation with what strangers think come from?


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You're really lucky then. You don't want creepy men drooling, following you around, whistling at you, saying dirty things to you, and trying to touch you as you walk by. Be careful what you wish for. If you started getting this attenrion, you'd hate it in a matter of minutes. It's scary, not flattering.

Being stared at is really disturbing. It makes you wonder what they are planning to do.

It doesn't matter what age they are. The difference for me, is that say if a child is staring at me.... I usually go "do I have something on my face?" because they are a child. I'm 31, so if someone in their late teens, early 20s, was to stare at me I'd be thinking "Oh gawd, am I looking really old?!" - if it turned out that they were thinking the opposite, I'd then go "Oh gawd, they're way too young!".

If they are about 5 years younger than me up to about 10 years older, then I'd be thinking that he is rude, and if it was excessive staring I would then get really creeped out because I'd be wondering what his intentions are - it could be shyness, it could be more sinister.

If an older man is staring at me, I am going to be uncomfortable a lot quicker - because if they are staring at me, I KNOW it's a purely sexualized oggling and the thought of being with someone who could be my parent is just... gross.

You might think you would be flattered to get stared at. But if it becomes a regular experience then no, you will NOT find it flattering - you will find it very disturbing. There's no real compliment in being stared at - someone is staring at you and it's like... attempting to violate your body without actually touching you. Because besides trying to imagine that person naked or doing something sexual, why else would you be staring for a long time? So... you know that's what is going on in their head.

And the reason why women are complaining about OLDER men... is because usually younger people (of any age here!) don't oggle people older than them. 20 year old men are much less likely to approach me than 40 year old men. Same age difference, but to the 20 year old I will be viewed as "older". And I am ok with that - because I am significantly older than them both in regards to age and my stage in life.

Some older men are very attractive. But it doesn't mean I'd want to do anything with them. I'll give the example of Johnny Depp - he's 53, I'm 31. I think he's very attractive. I've thought he was very attractive since I was a little girl and saw him in Nightmare Before Elm Street! I've never found him to not be attractive. But I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with him because we are so far apart in age: it's a 20 year difference! I don't consider Johnny Depp to be old, but he is "older" than I am.

So why is it that a guy 5 years younger to 10 years older is rude, but a guy in his late teens and early 20s is not rude? You really think early 20s is too young to know better than to stare at women? And why wouldn't you be suspecting that the 20 year old has sinister intentions as well?

Also just fyi, most 20 year olds don't see a 30 year old as "old". If they do they are probably really dumb and immature and haven't been around 30 year olds. Many 30 year olds don't even look different from 20 year olds.

So you don't think it is purely sexualized oggling with the younger guys? It is pretty common knowledge that guys in their adolescent years are much more sex-obsessed. I think a 20 year old guy hitting on you would be much more likely purely sexual oggling than a 40 year old guy.

Yes I understand the difference between rudely staring and asking someone out. I do not rudely stare at women. But again, many comments made here seemed to be talking about men showing interest in younger women period, not just the ones rudely staring. One person mentioned getting messages from older men on match.com. How is that related to staring?

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That pic of Jack Nicholson made me laugh, lol!

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I agree with most of what you said. However, if I were single, and a good looking and successful guy like Johnny Depp wanted to date me, and I was your age, I would not have any issues with that, lol!

It's always awkward to be stared at. I try to ignore them most of the time. I especially hate it when guys give you that up and down look. It makes me feel like I'm being judged. I feel like telling them to stop when they do that.

All I can manage to do is look at them weird as I'm usually too shocked and taken aback to respond any other way. Next time though, things might be different. Next time I'll be a ***** and ask them to not look at me that way and that it's rude to do so, ha ha!

I can't believe we are micro analyzing this thread thanks to Shadix, but here goes a quick history from a woman who has been ogled a lot:

Earliest experiences were as a teenager, scrubs hanging out of cars yelling 'hola mamasita!"
I liked it, as long as I didn't feel afraid like they might stop and try to grab me. Sometimes I'd even wave. Harmless flirting.

Same thing during the clubbing years... It felt rapey. The ogling never actually worked for any of them as far as getting anywhere with me. The worst part were clubs that were packed with people, the guys would grab our butts and crotches in the crowd. I punched a couple of guys and spilled my drinks on them. They'd stand by the ladies bathroom and follow us inside.

The later years, classier places... More reserved stares, the up and down once-over. The most I ever laughed was once when my friend and I were both 7 months pregnant. We were thin women who both looked like we had swallowed huge beach balls. We went out to a club with our husbands. It was ladies night, so our cheap husbands had us walk in first alone for free while they paid for themselves at the door. As we walked in, the guys ogled us. From the front, you couldn't tell, but as we walked by, you could see we were huge and pregnant. We saw the guys fall off their bar stools!!!

Old men staring or trying to hit on are especially creepy because we wouldn't want them. I was insulted when a much older man had the nerve to think I, a young, beautiful girl would even consider him. However, I did have a relationship with a man 24 years older than me when I was 19. But that was not really a relationship and very creepy. He actually was a predator. But that's another story.

But you don't want a much younger man either I am assuming. Especially if he is like a teenager. So why wouldn't you be insulted that a young guy would have the nerve to think you, a mature woman, would want them?

Also, do you also feel insulted when unattractive men your own age have the nerve to approach you?

Also, I am genuinely curious, at what age do we become these "old guys" who have no business wanting beautiful young women? Because right now I am thinking at that point I no longer want to live. Please tell me it's not 30, because if it is then perhaps I'll need to start planning out my suicide in the next year or so.

As a woman who tends to stare quite a bit at things I find attractive, human or otherwise, I hold no ill will towards anyone who does the same. Humans are attracted to beautiful things-we like to look at pretty things, put simply. Also, beauty is subjective and not everyone's view of beauty is going to fit into the mold our lovely media has so kindly put together for us.
With that being said, it is just as natural for you to feel uneasy when people stare as it is for people to stare at what they find visually interesting. I would be a blasted liar if I said I didn't feel a bit nervous when others stared. I believe that is because I know there is a possibility of an approach.
I suppose my point is that staring is perfectly natural. Touching and stalking, however, is where a person's personal space is being invaded. No matter how bloody gorgeous you find a person, you don't have the right to follow that person like a religion. And you certainly have no right to start rubbing them like the Laughing Buddha's belly.

Ah, this is a very interesting question. My theory is, as I probably stated elsewhere, that we fear the potential approach, not the staring itself, and perhaps see older men to be more assertive and therefore more likely to initiate a conversation. Although I don't find staring to be particularly rude, I do notice I become slightly nervous when I notice others staring and even more so when that someone is an older man.

My son once told me his friend in high school told him his mother (me) had a nice asz. I thought A) happy that mine still looked good enough for a horny teenager to think so, B) gee, these boys are growing up, C) I wondered if it freaked out my son to hear that, and D) thought it was kind of cool that my son even chose to tell me, and E) I thought his friend was an adorable kid who was starting to come into his own. No, I would never consider doing anything or even thinking about a kid sexually, but I also thought that some older women (maybe 20 years old or older, or who knows, maybe some messed up moms) might start to go after this 16 year-old for sure.

Shadix, I can tell that you are very concerned about yourself with wanting to date younger women and what people think. You are only 28. If you date someone 18, there is nothing wrong with that at all!

When I was 18, I probably would have thought 28 was too old for me, though. Because 28 to me at that time, seemed like a guy ready for marriage right away. And at 18, girls are just starting college. They just wanna have fun. But I know for you, being inexperienced, you are far from ready for marriage. In essence, you are emotionally 18. So don't worry... Be happy.

This age thing running back and forth

Ok so why is it that a much older man being attracted to you is insulting but a teenage boy being attracted to you is flattering? Is it because you find the teenage boy more physically attractive? What if he was an ugly teenage boy instead? Or what if he was a bit older like 26? Is that no longer flattering because be isn't "young" anymore?

Also what if a man your own age said you had a nice asz? Would that be flattering? Would it even be acceptable? Or would you be complaining about it?

And you didn't answer my question yet. At what age does it become "insulting" to a 20 year old girl that I think she is cute and would like chat her up?

Yeah, I feel ya.

BTW, that adorable gif has me yawning whenever I see it.

Ha! IKR?!

Speaking of back and forth....

And now I just feel dizzy lol

I think you are either just trolling now or you may have an ASD.

Polling just me will not satisfy your questions. There are too many variables. I suggest you start your own thread and take a poll.