Why are relationships so complicated

So i broke up with my boyfriend only to unbreak up with him cause after i felt confident about breaking up with him i sent him a text message telling him so that night a friend called and said good job you did the right thing which my boyfriend isnt a bad person despite a past history of smoking weed and going to jail but i don't feel the same i once did hes sweet he makes me happy but he also annoys me and we have a communication problem cause of his autism which is very hard cause he doesn't really talk to me he just plays around hes never serious . Anyway my friend told me dont let him talk you out of your decision i said dont worry i wont to her. He still hadn't responded to my text.then to my shock and horror he calls. I pick up.hes like why do you want to break up with me.i explained the communication problems and said something about depression. Hes like well i don't really talk and im like we'll that's a problem. Hes like well i can work on it.and im like well you said you would work on it before and you didn't . And hes like just give me till the end of the month and if i don't do good by the end of month then you can break up with me.and so i said okay.i feel like an idiot. I should have said no.now i wont be brave enough to break up with him again . first relationship ever and finding out that relationships are complicated

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Unfortunately if it's not working, it's not working.

Your feelings seem really bland towards him. A bit like you were chewing on some tasteless cardboard whilst typing this.

One of two options if you're serious about it being over.

You can have a conversation face to face. Maybe he just didn't read it via text properly.

Or text him and block him (I'm not sure that's my preferred route)

The problem is we see each other at my day program all the time it's how we met?not going there is not an option for other reasons so i can't actually avoid seeing him therefore blocking text message as for face to face i tend to be on the shy side and you have no ideal how hard it was to get up the guts to send a text and break up with him face to face is crazy hard i don't know if i have the heart even if were not compatible .i didn't even want to talk to him on the phone cause i felt like a terrible person.

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Think of it this way.

Is it fair to him to prolong this?

However you choose to do it I'd say make it swift because buying a month of time is only going to confuse him even more and put you in an awkward position.

He prolonged it he wanted a month to see if we could work it out and i told him yes.now admittedly that is not fair to tell him yes but I didn't know what to do .i know i need to hurry up and get this over with but ive just never had this happen before

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If you really can't do the face to face thing give him a card that's well written but very clearly states you're not giving it a month. You're done. It's over.

My boyfriend is slightly autistic too and it does make things difficult. I know he loves me and I love him but it's hard at times for sure. We've been together for 3 years now. I think what I need to do and maybe you as well is look up info on dealing with autism and how to work with them and communicating better because it's harder for them especially if you are more sensitive like I am.

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Yeah that would be a good idea. Hopefully i can find something. He has high fuctioning autism adhd and bipolar its hard for him to pay attention and to communicate cause of both the adhd and the autism good luck to you and your boyfriend as well but i think a big part of the problem is i really rushed into my relationship so i never knew him before i dated him.i fell head over heels and now i don't know how i feel. I still feel for him but not the same way

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Relationships have a "spark" when they first begin that settles a bit as the relationship progresses but should ultimately be there, somewhere. If it's totally not there then yes, leave. If it's worth pursuing and the relationship may cause you happiness, then maybe.

Mine has adhd too lol it's so frustrating lol. I agree if you really don't want anything to do with it then break it off but if there is still a little something there, maybe give him that month to try to work on your communication and take it from there. You ultimately know what's best for you.

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I think that relationships are complicated, like you said. Also: They can be learning experiences. What have you learned from this first one?

Hmm. Tough one.
Yeah, relationships are complicated bc PEOPLE are generally pretty complicated; put 2 people, who each have their own expectations, issues, and quirks, into any dynamic & stir well...Almost anything can /will happen!

Communication is definitely a sticking point for lots of relationships, IME. His methods of speaking/not speaking are frustrating you no end, sounds like -- do you have any idea just how he is proposing to "Work On" this issue? Am trying to imagine Autism-spectrum Plus ADHD and wow, lol.

You can wish him well with his processes/work, and still not be his gf. Ultimately, I suppose, the decision will come down to what sort of relationship do you want/expect, and is there any possible way to achieve your expectations with him?

I get the feeling guilty, and thence reluctant to break it off. Try to imagine having to break up with him six months or a year hence...how much more guilt & complication might that carry?

Best of luck to you. Ultimately you must decide what it is you want, and go from there. I know it can be so hard. But in your heart you know where you want to be, right?

xo,
Chyia, sending good vibes

What if he actually pulls it off and improves his communication skills in a months time?


I don't see how that will suddenly make you fall head over heals for him....


So how exactly will you break up with him then? What reason will you provide?


Stop stringing the boy along, set him free, yes, even against his will, because he deserves to be with someone who actually wants him around.