[effervescentdays]

I cant talk to him about it because every time i do he just seems to get sad and then i feel bad about it. He always tells me that i can talk to him about anything but it doesnt feel like i can. One time he even went as far as to say that i didnt care about how he felt. In a way, thats not a lie. Sometimes it doesnt feel like i do care, but not just about him, about anything. I feel as though i can talk to my best friend about anything but not my boyfriend and that is starting to really scare me and i dont know what to do. I try to talk to him but it either starts an argument of some sort and i end up just saying im sorry and going to bed or he gets super sad and i have to fake being happy so that he feels better. I love him and he has helped me a lot and i do not want to lose him. If anyone has any suggestions as to what i should do i would really love to hear.

[Crazy Hitch]

Are you seeing a doctor / therapist about your depressive phase?

Depression can interfere with many aspects of our lives, including relationships.

Yes, maybe it is difficult for him to hear this because he doesn't want to see you hurting, which is why, maybe speaking to a trained counsellor might help you too.

[effervescentdays]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Are you seeing a doctor / therapist about your depressive phase?

Depression can interfere with many aspects of our lives, including relationships.

Yes, maybe it is difficult for him to hear this because he doesn't want to see you hurting, which is why, maybe speaking to a trained counsellor might help you too.

No i am not seeing a doctor or a therapist about it. I really do wish i could. But i cant at the moment. I will probably try to see a therapist soon in the future because this feeling is just terrible.

And your probably right, its probably hurting him. He doesnt often express his feelings so i never really know. Thank you for replying

[Crazy Hitch]

For me, seeing a therapist when I'm depressed is a huge help. She gives me strategies for coping and managing aspects of my life that are under strain when I feel this way, including relationships with significant people in my life.

If you see a doctor, and the doctor diagnoses you with true depression, don't underestimate how much an antidepressant could help you too, if your doctor agrees.

I find that meds, coupled with therapy, go a long way for me.

[effervescentdays]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

For me, seeing a therapist when I'm depressed is a huge help. She gives me strategies for coping and managing aspects of my life that are under strain when I feel this way, including relationships with significant people in my life.

If you see a doctor, and the doctor diagnoses you with true depression, don't underestimate how much an antidepressant could help you too, if your doctor agrees.

I find that meds, coupled with therapy, go a long way for me.

Hopefully i will be able to try that thank you

Instead of talking about your depression (since its out there now), how about watching a DVD movie at home together. Or take a moonlit walk? Couple time.

I hope you feel better. Depression is painful.

[effervescentdays]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Instead of talking about your depression (since its out there now), how about watching a DVD movie at home together. Or take a moonlit walk? Couple time.

I hope you feel better. Depression is painful.

Oh gosh, i really really wish i could...
He is living in another state right now.... So we cant see each other on a regular basis

[Trippin2.0]

It's never a good idea to make our SO's our personal 24/7 therapists.


They're not trained and it kinda puts a strain / stain on the whole relationship.


Sure its ok to mention not being in a good space etc, but going into detail and having these convos too often just ends up choking them.


They don't know what to do with that info, especially not from so far away. He probably feels so helpless.


I would suggest posting on here until you can start therapy, and then just share the trailer with your bf, not the entire movie.

[QUOTE=Trippin2.0;5148202]It's never a good idea to make our SO's our personal 24/7 therapists.

Trippin - you are spot on! My pdoc told me the EXACT same thing when I was really worried about my friend being depressed (and she happened to be a patient of his, too).

He looked me straight in the eye and said, "you are not her therapist."

I told my boyfriend that awhile back. We both have bipolar and he was depressed. I didn't mind listening but he was really going on and on. It was getting me depressed! And I was frustrated because I couldn't just take away his depression. I told him, I'm here to support you but I'm not your therapist!

He was a little taken aback but he totally got it. Hasn't been an issue since.

You're a smart girl

Therapist is definitely the way to go....can you go see one, OP?

[Alone & confused]

I think some people, when they don't understand what depression really is, take responsibility for it. Like, they take it personally thinking it's something they did or didn't do to make us happy. Or that there SHOULD be something they could say or do to make us feel better, and when that's not possible it upsets them. It's hard to explain to someone that sometimes it's JUST NOT POSSIBLE for you to be happy. That it's like when you unplug a lamp from the wall, the light simply WON'T come on! That's what depression is like for me. I may want to be happy, I may have reasons to be happy, but that "switch" in my head has a broken connection and I don't have the ability to be happy! I've tried explaining this to my own boyfriend but he still thinks that he could do things to make me happy. It's frustrating for both of us! I find it easier to talk to people who know what I'm going through.

[effervescentdays]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

It's never a good idea to make our SO's our personal 24/7 therapists.


They're not trained and it kinda puts a strain / stain on the whole relationship.


Sure its ok to mention not being in a good space etc, but going into detail and having these convos too often just ends up choking them.


They don't know what to do with that info, especially not from so far away. He probably feels so helpless.


I would suggest posting on here until you can start therapy, and then just share the trailer with your bf, not the entire movie.

Thanks! I think this helps a lot for me. Youre right about it thank you

[effervescentdays]

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

I think some people, when they don't understand what depression really is, take responsibility for it. Like, they take it personally thinking it's something they did or didn't do to make us happy. Or that there SHOULD be something they could say or do to make us feel better, and when that's not possible it upsets them. It's hard to explain to someone that sometimes it's JUST NOT POSSIBLE for you to be happy. That it's like when you unplug a lamp from the wall, the light simply WON'T come on! That's what depression is like for me. I may want to be happy, I may have reasons to be happy, but that "switch" in my head has a broken connection and I don't have the ability to be happy! I've tried explaining this to my own boyfriend but he still thinks that he could do things to make me happy. It's frustrating for both of us! I find it easier to talk to people who know what I'm going through.

This is actually pretty exactly it. And it is easier to talk to people who know what im going though so i think ill just try to talk to people here more about it thank you for your input, it really does help

[effervescentdays]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Therapist is definitely the way to go....can you go see one, OP?

I cant right now because that would require asking my mom and i have too much anxiety about it to do that right now

What about going another direct route to invite him to participate in discussion. What I mean is, put the ball in his court. Ask him if he has noticed anything wrong or different. That then could be a great starting point for discussion.

I cant right now because that would require asking my mom and i have too much anxiety about it to do that right now.

Maybe I missed it above but I wish to know how old you are that you feel you need your mother's permission for therapy.

If you are at school, start with talking to your guidance counsellor. Just a thought.

Originally Posted by justafriend306

What about going another direct route to invite him to participate in discussion. What I mean is, put the ball in his court. Ask him if he has noticed anything wrong or different. That then could be a great starting point for discussion.

I respectfully disagree with this advice. Putting the ball in "his court" is assigning responsibility for him to be a mind reader - even a mental health professional cannot do that. Plus, they are in a long-distance relationship so he can't see how she's doing on a daily basis.

To the OP: Take a deep breath and tell your mother you need a therapist because you are depressed. You need one and the fact that you are depressed doesn't mean you are a weak person. Depression is an illness.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist or at least a general doctor? Antidepressants can make the depression go away and therapy is a supportive environment that is 100% about you. Your therapist will support you and you can talk about all aspects of your depression in a confidential manner.

You also could talk to your therapist about your anxiety and your relationship with your mother. I think these steps are the most effective path to you getting well soon.