[Mykidsdivorce]

Back in 2003, at a restaurant down the street, i was welcome by an elegant, charming and warm lady. Her greetings made me feel a great calm in my heart and after having a sumptuous meal, we exchange numbers and the rest was history.
6months later, we married. it has been a a great loving experience until last year February that Jane chilled my nerves with a shocking news. Dan, I want divorce! I am tired of your nasty and uncaring attitude toward me. I am tired, Dan.

Jane accuse me of not helping her, and having extra.. Jane gave me two kids, Neil and Angelia. I have tried pleading but to no avail. To my greatest surprise, i received summon from a lawyer last month, asking me to appear on a date for judgement. I have told my attorney about it

I am not worried for a divorce case, but our kids. because, i see myself failed seeing these kids going to pass through a painful experience of single parenthood. I don't know if you have pass through this before,

I am looking for urgent help, tips, what to answer my kids. what will be the effect our action on their life in future. I am willing to take your suggestion. i have been withdrawing from them because of this divorce.

What can i do to help my children cope with our divorce. Please, i need someone's help. drop lines to me.

Welcome to PC's forums. You will find a lot of support here.

I am divorced with a child. I was in individual therapy at the time and my therapist knew a lot about divorce, as he used to be a court-ordered divorce mediator.

I was stressed about the impact of the divorce on my child, as was my ex. My therapist gave me wise advice. He said that it isn't the divorce itself that significantly impacts the child, it's how you go about the divorce.

I found that to be true. It was excellent advice for me especially because my divorce took four years. During the divorce and to this day:

I never talk bad about her father to her. We split custody and I am supportive of her relationship she has with her father, we did not argue in front of her - etc. Today, she's a well-adjusted teenager and is happier with us divorced because even though we didn't fight in front of her, she felt the tense atmosphere in the household. She has told me she is glad we divorced.

My parents divorced and my mom back talked my father to my brother and me, projected her anger issues over the divorce to my brother and me, and she demanded complete allegiance to her. She repeatedly said what a loser he was, an a$&, etc to my brother and me. She was angry because he wanted the divorce and she took it out on us after he left. She literally talked bad about him until he died. Very unhealthy.

Children don't choose their parents. It's not their fault if their parents divorce. Therefore, talking bad about the other parent to the children is very damaging. We can't get a "better" mom or dad. It makes a child feel....awful. If you can avoid that - you're miles ahead of the game.

Also, my financial situation changed substantially after the divorce. My ex maintained his upper class lifestyle while I now had a middle to lower class lifestyle because I'm disabled. My daughter can obviously see the difference by looking at our respective homes, etc. I do not burden her with my financial stressors. That is not her burden. I provide a loving home. We do things if I can afford to. If I can't, I say we can but not right now. And I save for it and I follow through. Sometimes I just say no and she understands. She wanted to go on a ski vacation and I had to say no. No pity party, I just explained I didn't have the money. She understood.

Money doesn't matter that much in terms of happiness. In fact, she said she wished she could spend more time with me. My home is modest and dad lives in a mansion, literally. It's love and acceptance that is paramount.

This is how we explained divorce to our child:

Our daughter was relatively young at the time (10 years old). We together told her that Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce. We explained while we cared about each other, we could no longer be married because we were unhappy being married to each other.

We told her we would be happier having separate homes. We told her we loved her and it was not her fault at all. She would have two rooms and she would spend time at both of our houses. One room at mom's and one at dad's. We reiterated that we loved her, this was not her fault and reassured her things would be ok.

She was sad and cried a bit. She realized we would no longer live as one household anymore. We gave her time to be sad. Because it was sad. She did have a very basic concept of divorce from friends at school, I think. I believe that may have helped her accept "divorce happens." We kept her out of the divorce process and focused on spending one-on-one time, separately.

My ex and I disagreed on most things but kept her out of it. We did agree on loving her and taking care of her as divorced parents. I think we are both doing a decent job and I don't interfere with his time with her. I hope he doesn't speak ill of me. He probably has at some point, as he had a lot of anger, but nothing extreme. Plus, kids figure things out. Just stay neutral on the subject of mom, especially when they are young. I keep up my habit of not back talking her dad.
Best wishes and I hope this is helpful. Try not to stress. Your children will adapt and can become healthy adults. You can still be a great parent to them. Welcome to the forums, too!

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Mykidsdivorce

Back in 2003, at a restaurant down the street, i was welcome by an elegant, charming and warm lady. Her greetings made me feel a great calm in my heart and after having a sumptuous meal, we exchange numbers and the rest was history.
6months later, we married. it has been a a great loving experience until last year February that Jane chilled my nerves with a shocking news. Dan, I want divorce! I am tired of your nasty and uncaring attitude toward me. I am tired, Dan.

Jane accuse me of not helping her, and having extra.. Jane gave me two kids, Neil and Angelia. I have tried pleading but to no avail. To my greatest surprise, i received summon from a lawyer last month, asking me to appear on a date for judgement. I have told my attorney about it

I am not worried for a divorce case, but our kids. because, i see myself failed seeing these kids going to pass through a painful experience of single parenthood. I don't know if you have pass through this before,

I am looking for urgent help, tips, what to answer my kids. what will be the effect our action on their life in future. I am willing to take your suggestion. i have been withdrawing from them because of this divorce.

What can i do to help my children cope with our divorce. Please, i need someone's help. drop lines to me.

Continue to be their father, and for god's sakes do not pull away from them. If anything the one thing that will alienate and give the children the most pain is having their father pull away for reasons that are not their fault.

There is no cut and dry way to deal with kids through a divorce but I do know this (having done this myself) kids need both parents whether they remain together or are apart. Kids will not want to take sides for the most part, even if they are angry at one or the other for doing something bad to cause the divorce (usually things like abuse and/or infidelity) they will still in most cases want to have both their parents in their life and acting like mom and dad - only now it will be separately.

kids survive divorce, don't worry. people use the excuse of kids to remain in a broken marriage but I contend that the broken marriage is just as damaging to kids.

[~Christina]

When my daughters father and I divorced .. I wont lie it was hard for my daughter to understand.. she was 6 .

My husband cheated so I had a lot of shyt to wade through.. But I showed a good front to my Daughter. We had a typical schedule for visitation, but if he wanted to have her more often or needed to switch things her father and I just figured things out because she needed stability.

We never fought in from of our daughter and we damn sure would not do so Divorced ...

Our daughter was the priority ....

Please find a Therapist to not only help you process and grieve over the loss of your marriage but to also help you deal with your ex and all the new challenges of co parenting .

Welcome to PC