Is it a myth that you just sort of "click" with people and friendships naturally develop in what feels like a more or less effortless way? I mean, both sides would be making the effort to find time to spend together, but it doesn't feel like effort if you know what I mean.

Or is supposed to feel unnatural and uncomfortable? I'm around so many people that I have so much in common with and people tell me that I should be friends with some of them but we don't "click" and it feels unnatural to me. But maybe you're supposed to force yourself to be friends with people you don't like or don't trust in order to have any friends at all?

One girl for example that more than one person has pushed me towards talks so much that you have to put so much effort in just to be part of a conversation with her that I just don't think I can do it. And I never liked her even from the beginning. I can't say why either. It's not like she's a bad person or something. I don't know, maybe I can force myself to like her, but I just feel like it wouldn't be worth my time. How would just listening to someone talk make me feel less lonely. It's not like she's ever going to shut up long enough to ever get to know me. At least not beyond a superficial level.

I would get along so much better with guys but I don't trust them and I'm usually afraid of them to a certain extent and wouldn't feel safe around them by myself.

But the point is that I don't "click" with anyone male, female, or any other gender. I used to, but I think it's been since a guy terrorized me years ago I haven't been able to connect to other people very easily. At least not in healthy friendships.

Maybe by my age everyone has all their close friends and can only make acquaintances now? I guess I just need to get used to being lonely and never getting my needs for companionship met.

[Trippin2.0]

It's not a myth, some people just click and a friendship blossoms almost instantaneously.


Other friendships however form and evolve with time, which means an acquaintance can very well become a friend.


I've experienced both numerous times with males and females.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

Is it a myth that you just sort of "click" with people and friendships naturally develop in what feels like a more or less effortless way? I mean, both sides would be making the effort to find time to spend together, but it doesn't feel like effort if you know what I mean.

Or is supposed to feel unnatural and uncomfortable? I'm around so many people that I have so much in common with and people tell me that I should be friends with some of them but we don't "click" and it feels unnatural to me. But maybe you're supposed to force yourself to be friends with people you don't like or don't trust in order to have any friends at all?

One girl for example that more than one person has pushed me towards talks so much that you have to put so much effort in just to be part of a conversation with her that I just don't think I can do it. And I never liked her even from the beginning. I can't say why either. It's not like she's a bad person or something. I don't know, maybe I can force myself to like her, but I just feel like it wouldn't be worth my time. How would just listening to someone talk make me feel less lonely. It's not like she's ever going to shut up long enough to ever get to know me. At least not beyond a superficial level.

I would get along so much better with guys but I don't trust them and I'm usually afraid of them to a certain extent and wouldn't feel safe around them by myself.

But the point is that I don't "click" with anyone male, female, or any other gender. I used to, but I think it's been since a guy terrorized me years ago I haven't been able to connect to other people very easily. At least not in healthy friendships.

Maybe by my age everyone has all their close friends and can only make acquaintances now? I guess I just need to get used to being lonely and never getting my needs for companionship met.

first thing is I agree with Trippin.

but I had to respond directly to two things. You're not going to click with people right now because as you've said your trauma prevents you from allowing people to get close enough to do so. You can't click with anyone at a distance of x number feet at the end of the proverbial pole not criticizing but what I am saying is that it's understandable, but that may be the key to making friends or at least opening up the opportunities to do so. Work on your issues, take care of you, become more secure in yourself and re establish your ability to trust and it will be more likely to happen

Second about age, I do think there is some truth to what you're saying, although it's not a hard fast rule. I think by older age it is different in how we find and make friends. people have long term friends they've known, they are typically more secure and not searching as hard for so many friends so it may be somewhat more of a challenge but again this is just something you have to work around.

I hope this helps. I understand though, I am not one with many (any?) local friends really and it is indeed hard for me to figure out where I can go to find potential friends!

It wasn't just that one person/event, but it was the first awful thing to happen after I moved to a new area (for school) and thought I was going to be able to start over and actually be able to fit in. And I screwed it up from practically day one by being the creepy weirdo that I am. He definitely thought I was creepy. It was the exact word he used.

It's not that I don't know where to find potential friends. I'm in graduate school so there's a whole bunch of people there and a lot of them are friends with each other. I just don't feel good vibes from a lot of them which makes it difficult to interact with them beyond a superficial level. I don't know who I can trust to be myself around or who I can even reveal anything about me.

I don't think this is social anxiety either since if I get good vibes from people (it just feels like they're not judgmental) then I can talk to them comfortably.

I also don't know if I've ever really had real friends or knew how to be a friend. My parents were always either not social at all or weren't very social (my mom at least has a few friends now, but my dad never has and has never wanted any). I think in some ways, they discouraged me from making friends when I was a child. They didn't allow me to go to preschool and weren't big fans of me playing with the neighborhood kids. I never had any siblings; I was their only child to survive infancy.

I was sent to kindergarten too young. The problem was I was so intelligent that they sent me as soon as possible so I wouldn't get bored but then I was emotionally and maturity wise behind all the other kids because I was a whole year younger than most of them. And so I never fit in. My whole first day of kindergarten was spent with the school counselor because I couldn't adjust and had bad separation anxiety. The way my mom dressed me and had my hair cut made me a target for bullies.

Heck, I wasn't even the child they wanted. They wanted a boy! But then my brother died shortly after birth and then they had me. Well, I tried to be a "son", but I just ended up getting really confused about my gender and I still am.

I just wanted to say if rejection sensitivity is really a thing clinically, then maybe that's the issue more than social anxiety. Because even as an adult they've hurt me. So how can I easily build trust?

I've tried therapists but they always treat me like trash. And it's not just me...I don't relate to the positive therapist stories that I read about on here. A therapist that sees their client every week? At the same time?! Therapists that are actually nice and nurturing? I had a therapist who wouldn't let me leave. And the most recent one instead of helping me develop a plan to get a job in the career field I've gotten three (almost four) degrees in was suggesting I just look into jobs in another field. Otherwise I'll never be financially independent from my parents. And yet other people in my field are, so it's obviously possible. I was very hurt and angry, but she seemed surprised that I was. My point is that I'm hesitant to try to trust another therapist at this point. They know exactly how to take advantage of me.