[EJp]

Hello all...it is great to be here on this site. I never new it existed until last night. Well, lately I have been dealing with loneliness. I always had a hard time making friends let alone intimate relationships. Now that I am in my early 30's it is beginning to get more painful. It hurts just to see people dating or married especially those woman who I am interested in. Its gotton to a point it hurts to much to even approach anyone. So this is triggering a sense of hopelessness causing me to wonder if I will ever have a happy social life. I think my current beliefs now are that I won't have a happy social life and that I am going to be alone forever. It feels like there is some kind of monster god that doesn't want me to be happy and wants me to be lonely and hurt. just wondering if anyone else feels the same. any feed back is welcome. thx

[dexter]

Hi EJ and welcome to the boards, I'm glad you found us.

As everyone here already knows, I can relate 100% to your story. Although I was still confident at age 30, I am now 43 with health issues including arthritis, as well as depression. I believe that it is mostly the depression that causes me to feel so hopeless.

Since I am in therapy for the depression, we talk about that issue as well. While I was in group therapy we even did some "role playing exercises" on some days to help boost my confidence and work on new social skills. We even had an assignment that in the cafeteria we should go and meet two new people. It sounds corny, and it felt corny doing it, but it did help.

Do you feel you may be suffering from depression, and that might be causing your lonliness and hoplessness... or do you feel that being lonely is causing you to be depressed?

I do believe that there is someone out there for every one of us, we just have to keep ourselves open to it. I firmly believe that "early thirties" is still pretty young to be in the game. I know that doesn't help much to hear though... people older than me say the same to me but I just don't feel it.

I'm working on it though. I hope you will and also continue posting here for support and maybe even some better advice

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--http://www.idexter.com

[kimboboo]

Hi! Welcome to the forum. I'm new this week also. I can relate to your feeling lonely and hopeless. I am 34 and have only dated twice. I am very uncomfortable in social situations and atry to avoid them. A few years ago I wanted to be married and have children so much it was causing me physical pain. I felt hopeless and was discouraged because all of my friends are married.
I've really worked on trying to be happy with my situation in life. I've started going out to eat by myself and to the movies and museums by myself. It doesn't really solve the problem of loneliness when I'm home, but it makes me feel more alive and vital. At first I was uncomfortable going out by myself, but now I enjoy it. It's hard sometimes, though. Mostly I worry about growing old alone. This may sound strange, but I worry about retiring and not having enough money because I haven't been able to save and I worry about dying and no one noticing for awhile because there is no one to care about me. I'm sorry if that sounds weird, but that's me.
I also want to apologize for going on and on and on, but I love to talk.

[(JD)]

welcome EJp... if I thought very much about how lonely I really am, well, it would only add to my depression... and if I thought about how lonely I "probably" will be in the future?... gee how depressed can I get? maybe some one here will be able to say what you need to hear...

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[kama]

Hi EJp, I am new also and I know how hard it can be to feel alone. My anxiety tends to make me avoid a lot of things including my friends. Knowing that I am missing out on so much because I am afraid to go out with them is really hard. I got myself to go out and get a drink with a few friends the other night and lasted all of about 5 minutes before I had to go outside. I get so mad at myself because it's my fault I feel alone. I push people away because then I can avoid what makes me anxious. So, I guess I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel and I understand how yucky it can be to feel alone. Take care! kate