[tess9897]

My parents have been married for about 24 years, most of which have been plagued by a meddling mother-in-law (My dad's mother). A couple of years ago, my grandfather passed away, and obviously this was a difficult time period for my grandmother, but even now, it is being used as an excuse by her to get my father to sympathise and huge amounts of time with her, in turn not spending much time with my mother.
My grandmother has never really liked my mother, and has not made any effort to conceal her opinions of my mother, who is honestly the kindest woman I know. Mum treats her with so much respect, and gets none in return. Now, my grandmother, who has no illnesses or medical concerns, is trying to get my dad to invite her to move in with us. This would be problematic as it would involve moving houses, as there is definitely not enough room for her, as well as my two siblings and I.
The main issue is, however, that my mother will have to spend every day with her, and when she insults my mother, she in turn insults me, because I do not want my mother to feel insecure or bad about herself as a result of the meanness of grandmother.
My dad takes my support of my mother as her somehow brainwashing me, which is quite ludicrous, because, at the age of 18, I have the capability to use my own observations and mind to make decisions and thoughts. My parents are arguing constantly about this, and when I have talked to my closest friends, they have told me it is best to stay out of it.
However, can I really just stand by and watch my mother be sad. I honestly can't envision living with my grandmother, as she can only be taken in small doses, and she lives 15 minutes away, so there is really no need to move any closer. My dad acts like a petulant child whenever reasonable arguments are brought up.
What should I do? Should I say anything or just stay out of their issues?

Hmmmm, 24 years marriage suggests you yourself are a mature adult who should now have your own independence. This is a matter for your parents to solve. Don't get involved is my recommendation.

[divine1966]

I recommend stay out of it

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If anyone here can simply stand by while someone they love gets repeatedly hurt, then I would be very surprised and saddened.

Men and their wives and mothers....it's very very tough....I understand completely.

Five of you live in that house. Five of you should have a family meeting.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

If anyone here can simply stand by while someone they love gets repeatedly hurt, then I would be very surprised and saddened.

Men and their wives and mothers....it's very very tough....I understand completely.

Five of you live in that house. Five of you should have a family meeting.

I understand what you are saying. Of course it's sad to watch unhealthy dynamics.

I am not saying op shouldn't care but generally speaking interfering in others marriage even if their own parents' never works. They've been married 24 years and have their own dynamics and know what works for them.

I have objections to some things in my parents marriage and tried when I was young but never accomplished anything. Now they have been married for over 50 years and have their own dynamics with what works for them, it's not how I conduct certain things, but I am not them, who am I to say how things need to be.

Something that looks off for others might be just their own dynamics. They are all grown people. It's not like s child being mistreated. IMHO of course

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I get what you are saying Divine.

I just have been in all of the positions...I have sons and daughters. I know what the mom feels like, I know what the daughter feels like, I know what the wife feels like. I really really understand.

Believe me, I know.

Feeling is one thing. Doing is much more difficult.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

I get what you are saying Divine.

I just have been in all of the positions...I have sons and daughters. I know what the mom feels like, I know what the daughter feels like, I know what the wife feels like. I really really understand.

Believe me, I know.

Feeling is one thing. Doing is much more difficult.

Same here, am a daughter and a mother and a mother in law ( not a grandmother yet) and ex-wife and wife again in less than a week. All comes with challenges but in my experience whenever people interfere or meddle nothing good ever comes out of it. Unless there is something criminal takes place,


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[Trippin2.0]

Grandma's actions don't occur in a vacuum.


Grandma moving in will affect everyone, not just mother and father.


So the OP is involved whether they like it or not, and whether members here agree or not.


I agree that a family meeting is called for, maybe if father hears more than one voice he'll be open to hearing some sort of reason.


Besides, she's able bodied and basically lives down the street, so no need to buy a whole new house to accommodate her whims.

[Bill3]

Grandma moving in will affect everyone, not just mother and father.


So the OP is involved whether they like it or not, and whether members here agree or not.

Very true in my opinion.

I wonder if family therapy could be undertaken, to include the parents and all of the children.