[BDPpartner]

I have a friend who I have known since we were kids and I love the bones of her, I guess we are more like family. But unfortunately like with family there are times when you could do without the drama !!

She has always been needy, arriving on my doorstep in tears following the latest argument etc. Whether it be her parents divorcing in our early teens, falling off a bike and not wanting her mother to know and now 2 divorces of her own, a problem with alcohol and break up with the father of her child. Don't get me wrong I don't mind being a support for her but we're not children anymore I have a life too and actually I could use her support but that doesn't happen.

The situation at the moment is that my partner who has Bpd also has Brittle Asthma and has actually been told that his next attack could kill him. He a life threatening attack 2 nights back and honest I thought I was going to lose him, especially having following the ambulance to the hospital with sirens and flashing lights. So I text my friend telling her about it and how scared I am. And I get no reply

[Chyialee]

Wow, that's a lot of stress! (Milder way of saying "Abject Terror" -- I feel you.)

Your friend obviously has issues of her own, evidently in relating to OTHER people's life crises. One of our family members is like this; it's wearying, and disappointing, now -- but when we were younger we'd get furious w/her bc of her complete inability to even acknowledge the fact that the rest of us had struggles as well. HER drama was always top--intensity & very high pitched: -- my sister once said that S was 'An EVENT!! junkie', lol ~sigh

There's really no future in expecting help, support, or even recognition/acknowledgement from those who just are not capable of sparing notice for anything but their own needs. But boy is it frustrating. So sorry this friend is so oblivious.

Many good wishes to you and your partner. I hope there are others around you who will be kind and supportive. We all need to lean on someone a lil bit at times -- or at least to know we can if necessary.
Chyia,
Sending good thoughts

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by BDPpartner

I have a friend who I have known since we were kids and I love the bones of her, I guess we are more like family. But unfortunately like with family there are times when you could do without the drama !!

She has always been needy, arriving on my doorstep in tears following the latest argument etc. Whether it be her parents divorcing in our early teens, falling off a bike and not wanting her mother to know and now 2 divorces of her own, a problem with alcohol and break up with the father of her child. Don't get me wrong I don't mind being a support for her but we're not children anymore I have a life too and actually I could use her support but that doesn't happen.

The situation at the moment is that my partner who has Bpd also has Brittle Asthma and has actually been told that his next attack could kill him. He a life threatening attack 2 nights back and honest I thought I was going to lose him, especially having following the ambulance to the hospital with sirens and flashing lights. So I text my friend telling her about it and how scared I am. And I get no reply

I am sorry for your problems, I truly am but the question I pose to you is, have you considered that you're looking to the wrong person expecting support from?

You've known this person since childhood and I doubt this is a new thing with their personality. You must have known all throughout your friendship that they are not one that is very supportive. I can't imagine that this is something new.

Expecting that others change their behavior and/or personality almost invariably will end in disappointment.

My suggestion is to look to people you know have and will support you instead of this person.

I think you have been enabling her much like a co-dependent partner. I say you must put your foot down and simply say "I have my own needs right now."

[mugwort2]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I think you have been enabling her much like a co-dependent partner. I say you must put your foot down and simply say "I have my own needs right now."

Good for you. Bravo. Your comment makes good sense to me. Of course more importantly that it makes good sense to you. I get the impression it does