[imarae]

i think i may have social media problem. In the past i always caused fights with my ex over social media. I always accused him of cheating because he always flirts with other girls and likes their pictures so he blocked me from seeing his pages. I feel insecure at times even though everyone tells me im beautiful. My daughters father is a personal trainer and he loves working out and always tells me i can look better if i worked out. So i have made fake pages in the past to follow him and see what he is doing and the majority of pictures he likes are girls who are very fit and with nice butts and it makes me feel very insecure. I am a full time mom and i work full time so by the time i get home im so exhausted to work out. any feedback ??

[divine1966]

If your daughters father is not your current partner then he has no business to discuss your looks. I have a colleague who is in her 60s and has been single for like 20 years and she still follows her ex on social media and wants to know what he is up to. Personally I'd let it go and not worry what ex does. Delete fake pages.

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[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by imarae

i think i may have social media problem. In the past i always caused fights with my ex over social media. I always accused him of cheating because he always flirts with other girls and likes their pictures so he blocked me from seeing his pages. I feel insecure at times even though everyone tells me im beautiful. My daughters father is a personal trainer and he loves working out and always tells me i can look better if i worked out. So i have made fake pages in the past to follow him and see what he is doing and the majority of pictures he likes are girls who are very fit and with nice butts and it makes me feel very insecure. I am a full time mom and i work full time so by the time i get home im so exhausted to work out. any feedback ??

He has a right to block your views. Each of us has a right to privacy and to choose who sees our stuff. Considering your other posts, I don't think you should be making fake fb profiles to follow him and it borders on stalker like behavior. I mean this is a guy you posted previously that you're not together but still have sex with him, he has another woman in his life of an 8 yr relationship. It seems to me that if anything you're not a part of his life outside of the apparent sex if you haven't stopped it already. I am not sure if your issues are with social media or some kind of obsession with this guy.

[imarae]

yes i guess you right , i guess i need to stop the stalkish behavior and stop being so obsessed with him. I feel too at this point it isnt love or lust its just obsession considering all the things i am doing. thank you.

[mrvalancey]

I’m going to go on a whim here and say you’ve never gotten any closure with this person or made peace with your separation. With children involved, I imagine it would be harder to created that distance/boundary that allows you to heal. I understand that it can be difficult, but you need to stopping putting any efforts into this guy any longer. Every time you have the urge to peek at what he’s up to through fake profiles, stop and channel that energy into something for yourself (i.e. read a book, do some writing, bake cookies, whatever it is you get enjoyment out of). It’s a great way to distract yourself and to uplift yourself. Some people find that a closure ceremony of some sort closes those doors. My girlfriends and I would go through this ritual where we would “cleanse” our homes of the guys that broke our hearts by gathering photos, letters, memorabilia, etc. and burn it all. It’s a painful process because it’s hard to let go of those memories and it’s difficult to not feel emotional over the loss, but once it’s gone, you have the opportunity for a fresh start with nothing holding you back. It’s actually quite liberating to get that closure because the pain flows through you, but once the emotions are through, you feel so much better.

Ultimately, you can do what you like, but consider this. By constantly looking into the life of your ex, you’re only hurting yourself. He’s clearly moved on and is living his own life. Find peace, let him go, and find your own happiness.

[imarae]

mrvalancey thank you so much for your feedback and your words. I totally agree with what you are saying and yes you are absolutely right i never did get any closure from him even when i asked him for it. But yes i will start to be better and not look for anything or see what he is doing etc. In the end it is only hurting me i constantly find myself crying and a few times in front of my daughter and i dont want her to see me cry because i dont want her to see me weak because of her dad. i know i am stronger and can move on as this may be gods way of letting me know that although he blessed me with a child he is not the man for me and by continuously wasting my time and energy on him i may be blocking my blessing of the man of my dreams thank you again hun i really appreciate it.

[~Christina]

He blocked you so he can get on with his life. Which he has all rights to do.

You making up Facebook accounts to basically stalk him is doing absolutely nothing healthy at all for you.

Break ups are always hard to handle..... but as you said you and him made a beautiful child , Focus on your child.

You deserve to be happy and find someone that helps lift you up rather than put you down... It's not possible until you have gotten over and past him.

Often seeing a Therapist can help you make changes in your life that will improve your ways of dealing with him.

Welcome to PC

[divine1966]

Good idea about therapy. Sounds like you are a good responsible mother so now You just need to get complete separation from this dude and file for child support. When the baby is older and you are on your feet you can start dating nice men. He should stay in your kids life as long as he treats her well but you do not need him in your life

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[IchbinkeinTeufel]

"always tells me i can look better if i worked out" - going by the idea that a healthy person is attractive (a reproduction thing; survival) I'd say anyone call look better if they worked out. That said, to just tell you that doesn't really add up to me... seems a tad unnecessary and rude. I'm also into fitness, but I've also been very out of shape. I'm a bit more casual about it... if a woman told me I'm kinda letting myself slide a bit, I'd be fine with it.. it's just nature so I try not to take it so seriously. Your ex though? No... none of his business... and frankly, I get the feeling he's a bit of a game-playing poser. I'm cynical though, so who knows.

Making fake Facebook accounts to cyber-stalk your ex is not on though, although I do understand where you're coming from. I was stalked by an ex before and it was not pleasant. Made getting over her very difficult and was generally just stressful.

[Burnt_Out]

Originally Posted by imarae

i think i may have social media problem. In the past i always caused fights with my ex over social media. I always accused him of cheating because he always flirts with other girls and likes their pictures so he blocked me from seeing his pages. I feel insecure at times even though everyone tells me im beautiful. My daughters father is a personal trainer and he loves working out and always tells me i can look better if i worked out. So i have made fake pages in the past to follow him and see what he is doing and the majority of pictures he likes are girls who are very fit and with nice butts and it makes me feel very insecure. I am a full time mom and i work full time so by the time i get home im so exhausted to work out. any feedback ??

Wait, I'm a bit confused here. So, you're cyber stalking your ex and your baby daddy (for lack of a better term... or were you in a relationship with him at some point? ) who's a fitness guru who likes pictures of women who are super fit? Were you super fit when you were together or something? IME, guys who are into uber-fit women/bodybuilders are really specifically into those types. I think it's more a common hobby/obsession than anything... but that's here-nor-there.

And your ex (who I'm assuming is an ex for a reason) sounds pretty sketch like he might have been untrustworthy / looking to "trade up", and the personal trainer dad is into gymrat ladies which like I said... pretty normal. Why worry about what either is into today? I mean it's always tough when shared custody is a thing, but I'd say minimize interaction where you can. It's all about the kid and not the least bit about either of you at this point.

I'm a huge proponent of seeking out partners with a similar lifestyle so you can appreciate the same joys and struggles. Personally, I try (and generally succeed at) eating right and stay healthy and trim, but I'm far from being a ripped gym nut, so I tend to mesh with ladies who like me, are in somewhere the middle: Who like to stay active, but not to the detriment of other things in life. I have a few uber fit friends who spend A LOT of time on being active, and they've paired up accordingly.

As for the social media: IMO, just get off it. I quit everything besides LinkedIn and haven't looked back. It's just drama and time-wasting nonsense that could be spent doing better things.

I don't know what a "baby daddy" is either.

Regardless, is social media a very important of your social life? So many people get hurt, hurt others, gameplay, etc on social media. I think it has positive aspects to it such as keeping in contact with family and friends especially if long distance. But I think things have crossed a negative line here with you and your ex. You are obsessing about him and he's trying to fuel your insecurities by saying you could look better. I don't think it's healthy for you.

[LeeeLeee]

Hey, Not sure where you're at at the moment with everything but I strongly encourage you to STOP torturing yourself. Stop checking, stop looking, stop digging for pain. You're looking for signs to confirm that he is what you suspect and maybe know he is... A person who does not care about you and is "fishing" around, offering up his attention and approval to the photos of other women. Why bother wasting your energy on this guy.

There is a wonderful book I read called Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan Elliott, who is a therapist. She encourages us to take inventory of our relationships and our life after devastating breakups. That book in combination with NO CONTACT, meaning no communicating, and NO SPYING is what really jumpstarted my healing process. Best of luck.

[Burnt_Out]

O.P. has left the building.