[asylumgardens]

I go to school out of state, and I've been at home for the summer. I always come home from the summer. I live with my mom, my brother, and his girlfriend. Money has always been tight because my mom had an injury and can't work.

We get food stamps, but only 80 dollars a month, and my brother is "in charge" of them so to speak because he is the only one who drives. He hasn't even been telling me when he goes grocery shopping, so he doesn't offer to get me any food, and instead he just buys him and his girlfriend what they want to eat, leaving me to have to buy all my own food. Then if I try to eat the food he bought (with food stamps) he freaks out because it's "his" food. I like to cook, so I often make things, and he has no problem eating the stuff I make (that I bought with my own money) and then even if I tell him not to eat it, he does anyway.

Our water broke a couple days ago, and I was the first one to talk to a plumber about it, and he told me 325 (I just wanted a rough estimate) so when I told my mom, I offered her 100 dollars towards it thinking my brother and his girlfriend could and SHOULD pitch in the rest (or even 100 each and my mom could do 25, whatever) but then my mom found a cheaper plumber for only 150, so she didn't give back my 100 and got the other 50 from her mother. I feel like she should have given me back most of that money and made them pay some of it too. I am in college and totally support myself, no one ever ever ever helps me when I'm there, and so I was here and something bad happened and I tried to be nice and offer to help, but instead I ended up paying for almost all of it, with no one else in this household helping at all. The plumber is here right now.

Another thing is that we are supposed to pay rent to stay here (because money is so tight, and I understand, I don't mind) and my mom made mine be 75 a month because she knows I have way more bills to pay than the other two, so theirs is 200 a month. I have paid mine, and my mom bugged me nonstop for it when I got my very first pay check because she wanted to buy cigarettes (I hate that she smokes) but because my brother and his girlfriend "couldn't" find jobs (which really translates to they were too lazy to get up and find a job) they haven't paid her ANYTHING this summer.

I've worked really hard all summer, and now I only have about 200 dollars saved up because of all the expenses. I don't know if I should tell my mom how I feel about this or just figure what's done is done. I'm leaving on Tuesday so I don't know if it's pointless, but I am building up even more resentment to living here. I hate it. I want to tell her, and then maybe tell my dad when I go see him (which is where I'm going on Tuesday) because he's a lot more well off, so he might help me by giving me some money back. I can' tell him without telling her, though. I don't know how to approach it with her, though.

Oh another thing is my brother and his girlfriend don't really have to support themselves even because they decided to stay in state for college, and therefore get all the schooling paid for PLUS 2000 dollars each extra. I have taken out so many student loans and still have to live on very little just because I wanted to get out of here so badly. I understand when my mom can't help me with money because she is poor, but it's like she doesn't care that I have to go without food for a week sometimes at school. To me the struggle for school is worth it because I really want to get out of this horrible place we live, but it would just be nice if someone would offer to help me once in a while, so I can stop feeling like I'm begging and then getting nothing. And my mom owes me 800 dollars from the past, which I guess I should just get over and expect never to be paid back for.

I guess to make matters worse, even though it's unrelated, I'm in a horrible mood now because I couldn't sleep because I had FOUR nightmares last night.

[sabby]

((((((((((((((((((((((( AG )))))))))))))))))))))

I hope it's helped you to get this off your chest. I know things can seem and be unfair at times. There are those of us who are the providers and those of us who are the takers. We can see who is the provider there

I'm sorry you are feeling taken advantage of. It's never a fun way to feel. At least you will be out of the situation next week. Maybe from this you can learn that sometimes no matter what you do never seems to be enough for some folks. Set up your boundaries and know that you are doing so because you are allowed to take care of #1 first and foremost.

Hopefully soon you won't have to worry about this situation anymore and can move on to a good life that YOU build for yourself. I wish you well dear!

Hugsss
sabby

[asylumgardens]

Thanks Sab. I guess I do have to take it as a learning experience and move on. I'm going to try all I can to get an apartment instead of staying in the dorms because then I don't have to come home for Christmas.

I was just trying to be nice offering the 100 dollars since I thought the cost was a lot more. That's what I get, I guess.

[sabby]

I think you were being very generous hon. Maybe, if there is a next time, you can say you will offer "some" assistance, but reserve the amount until the total bill is decided upon.

Feel good about yourself dear one...you have a heart of gold, don't let a few ingrates ruin it for you.

Hugsss
sabby

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((( AG ))))))))))))))))

I can so relate to this because of my family.

I was the only "dependable" one. Because of it I was taken advantage of alot. I knew I was more dependable for those in need.

I wish you so well because your future is going to involve setting up some boundaries that are going to make you feel bad. I'm sorry.

You're in my thoughts. I so understand.

KD

[Soidhonia]

Hello (((((AG)))). I am sorry that you are struggling at this time regarding the food issue. Perhaps talking to your mother may help the situation with getting some of the food you need at this time. It is possible while you are in the United States to get subsidized food through the Salvation Army or other food pantries in the area 1-4 times per month depending on the food pantries that serve your area. You are surely qualifies with your income status. The jobs and Family Services Department in your area or the Salvation Army will usually have the latest Food pantry listings in your area. It is ery important if you are on meds tha tyou eat appropriately to feel healthy not just physically but mentally as well,. If you have problems finding food pantries in your State, Please PM me and I wll be happy to do a search for you if needed. You will have to include the State and county that you live in the Pm for me to help you find the resources availabe in your area. Take care and good day. Soidhonia

I am so sorry that this is happening to you........I can say that I'm walking in your tracks right now. It really isn't right for someone to take advantage of you and certainly not family or close friends.

I would buy stuff that I could eat in my room til Tuesday.....or something microwavable and then eat in the room.......

Cut your loses and move on with your life. I hope you can get an apartment and take care of you. xoxoxo pat

we have a lot of forums here to check out.....

[asylumgardens]

Thanks everyone. I feel like I have "accepted" it, I guess, and I'll just remember how they have treated me for the future.

Thank you Soid. I guess my mian problem last semester is because my depression got so bad that I could not do anything, I could barely go to class. This time it is more under control since I have started taking meds and see a therapist, so I will get a job when I go back to school and will be able to afford food for myself. Thank you for the suggestions, though, and if I do get to that point again I will definitely either PM you or look for it myself.

[AmatureBombTech]

Cut your losses hun. Family is family and even though it isn't fair when one has to tow more of the line than the other at times...we can only hope, that it will be 'repaid' later on in life.

If I were you, I would have a private, Girl to Girl, hang out chat with your brother's girlfriend. Talk about all of the family's problems in the past. Hell if she's living with you guys, she's practically family as it is and should know anyway. Tell her how you feel about your crushing debt and how you only have 200.00 saved to go back to school. How you are trying so hard to help your disabled mom etc. If your brother's GF has any brains in her head, she will understand where you are coming from and will start to make your brother help out and she will start to tow some of that line herself.... If she doesn't understand...she's a freaking moron herself and simply not deserving to be in your family.

What I am saying is...if your brother's GF is willing to work for your family, it shows that she is committed to being a part of it in the future...like in the long term. If she takes everything you have said to her, and trashes it...you have grounds to dismiss her as a "just for now girl". This might actually be a good thing for your sisterly pull in the household!

Good luck girl....

ABT.