[tiodlliwi]

Hi all-

Recently, my husband and I have started discussing the idea of starting a family. Not right now and not even in the near future... We're 27 and have been married for almost three years. As much as I would love to have a child, there is such a large fear in me that takes over when I think about it. I think about money, and is it worth it if we can't afford for one of us to stay at home, will I be a "crazy" mom (meaning I worry about how my anxiety impact the child), and last but not least... when we discuss the issue, it seems that we both feel that one child would be enough for us for numerous reasons. Many people I love and respect their opinions have mentioned to me that this is a BAD idea and selfish. Although I know it is ultimately our decision, that sticks with me and makes me feel bad. I start to think, then should we just not have any? More than one or none?

Then I sit back and wonder... how could someone who thinks and worries so much about something that hasn't even happened yet possibly be a good mother???!!!

Any takers? Anyone successfully raise "ONLY" one child?

[PlanningtoLive]

I have just one child, a son who is now 11. He never lacked for anything growing up and is very well adjusted and happy. It can be done. I wish you lots of luck in your decision.

Mary Alice

[sabby]

Some of what you are worrying about is very normal. Planning when the right time is to have a child...making sure you can afford to raise a child. I commend you on your thoughts there. Maybe talking with a financial planner might help your stress level a bit. They can help you plan for such things.

I know folks mean well when they tell you "their" perceptions of how many kids you should have. Remember, they don't have to live your life...YOU do. However many children you and your husband want is YOUR business and no one elses. There is no reason to believe that having only one child is worse than having 2 or more. As long as the child is loved and cared for in the best way you possibly can, then that is all that matters.

The fact that you think about things and care enough to think about them will make you a good mother. The fact that you would love your child regardless of your issues and give that child the best you can will prove how good of a mother you will be. Remember that no one is perfect and we can only do the best we can at any given time.

Good luck with your thoughts and ideas. I hope some answers come to you soon that you are comfortable with!

Hugsss
J

[Direction]

Can't add much to Sabau's comments...only that I'm an only child.

[meander]

I don't think it matters... I know only children who've turned out fine, and ones with siblings who were little brats haha. I've heard of some couples only intending to have one, and then changing their minds later after its born, and vice versa.... So you can definitely keep your options open. If you have a baby, you can see how you manage the first year before deciding. I've never had kids, but I imagine the first year would be the most full-on....

[Rhapsody]

I would say that all parents worry about some of the same things that has your mind working over time...... but I think once you hold that little bundle of joy then your worries will fade and not be such a strong force in your life any more - for LOVE will have taken its place.