[s4ndm4n2006]

Most of you that know me, will remember the past posts related to the girl at the coffee shop. I try not to post all the time about her because I know it would get boring and annoying but anyway...

to your first likely question: NO, I have not yet asked her out. there. I said it. Yes, I still fumble about in self doubt :P

Ok so something developed and many people in chat are saying they are good signs and I wanted to bounce this off you all too oh, wise women of PC

I still go there, life goes on, I get my daily coffee and for awhile she kind of "backed off" as in not seemingly as much interested, I figured it was a sign. I went in one day and indirectly pointed out how introverted I am by my shirt that stated so (it's a shirt that says "introverting, quiet please..." and has a battery charging symbol) I didn't think anything of it but she was there so I'm sure she saw it.

Well the next time I saw her she was very friendly to the point that I was a bit taken aback. early in the visit she stopped to ask me "how long does it take you to drink these?" since I get a triple shot espresso with a splash of half and half. I told her about 30 seconds. she was like "woah" anyway.. so I got my coffee but it didn't end there, she came over and out of the blue asked "so, do you work from home?" I said "sometimes". She then asked "what do you do?" I told her, "IT development" Then she asked "is it hard?" and I replied "not anymore." she replied "did you like, go to school for all of that?" and I tried with difficulty to explain (something I do a lot when people ask but for reasons we all know it didn't seem to come out right and I kind of fumbled around) so.. yeah it was kind of interesting that she asked so many things.

The next day she didn't talk to me or anything but from behind the espresso machine, did this little finger wave at me and really smiling at me. She seemed to be happy to see me anyway.

am I dense or is this meaningful behavior?

[unaluna]

Umm... say you were both normal people (i have to pretend this myself!). Shouldnt a conversation be more two-way, than sounding like she was interviewing you for a newspaper? Arent you interested in what she is studying? Did she go to barista school? (Sorry if youve already covered that.)

I was talking to a guy in my apartment swimming pool yesterday, i told him i was thinking of him and his kid when i saw the new geico marco polo tv commercial. Next thing you know we are giggling like two idiots. I saw the giggling as significant, because we were sharing feelings and attitudes about stuff (annoying coworkers, actually). I think thats where you wanna get to. But yeah, i think shes interested. I know from reading you here youve got the goods.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Umm... say you were both normal people (i have to pretend this myself!). Shouldnt a conversation be more two-way, than sounding like she was interviewing you for a newspaper? Arent you interested in what she is studying? Did she go to barista school? (Sorry if youve already covered that.)

I was talking to a guy in my apartment swimming pool yesterday, i told him i was thinking of him and his kid when i saw the new geico marco polo tv commercial. Next thing you know we are giggling like two idiots. I saw the giggling as significant, because we were sharing feelings and attitudes about stuff (annoying coworkers, actually). I think thats where you wanna get to. But yeah, i think shes interested. I know from reading you here youve got the goods.

well yes of course I want it to be two way but it's not like I don't want to talk to her more. I'm just awkward and was busy being kind of thrown off balance by her presumed interest in my life o.o. But yes that's the goal.

thanks

[TishaBuv]

You are a regular there. She knows who you are. She probably never noticed what your shirt said. She may have been just being friendly to a regular customer, getting to know you better. She may be attracted to you and trying to start a more meaningful conversation with you.

You gave really short replies, when you could have opened the conversation up to more.

C'mon, you're in IT Development and she is a barista who wants to know if you need education to do what you do-- just warm up and ask her out already.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

You are a regular there. She knows who you are. She probably never noticed what your shirt said. She may have been just being friendly to a regular customer, getting to know you better. She may be attracted to you and trying to start a more meaningful conversation with you.

You gave really short replies, when you could have opened the conversation up to more.

C'mon, you're in IT Development and she is a barista who wants to know if you need education to do what you do-- just warm up and ask her out already.

sigh I know. I do want to. I will be honest that every single time I've been the one to initiate, I get turned down. I just want to be mostly sure (I know I can't be 100% ofc). :/

[TishaBuv]

Do you want to know what a shameless flirt I could be? When you said that she asked "is it hard?", I thought you could have said "just a little with you standing next to me"

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Do you want to know what a shameless flirt I could be? When you said that she asked "is it hard?", I thought you could have said "just a little with you standing next to me"

hahahaha! omg. something I might think (I didn't at the time) but wouldn't say, well not at this point anyway.

[eskielover]

People can be friendly without it meaning anything at all. Someone who didn't like to be around people & talk to them wouldn't have a job like that in the first place.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

hahahaha! omg. something I might think (I didn't at the time) but wouldn't say, well not at this point anyway.

Ask her what she does for fun when she's not working. If she mentions something you like to do, too. Tell her you do that, too. Then you have an opening to ask her to do that together with you sometime.

I hope she doesn't tell you she has a boyfriend. But if she does, just tell her he's a lucky guy.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by eskielover

People can be friendly without it meaning anything at all. Someone who didn't like to be around people & talk to them wouldn't have a job like that in the first place.

yeah but it's not something she does like regularly. in context it was rather bold, hence the fact I was taken aback. the owner there, and the dude that works there will do such things like "how's life, how's the daughter yada yada"

I agree that some people are that way and she isn't an introvert so talking isn't a big deal to her but at the same time, she also has never gone out of her way to find out more about me til now. Which is why I think it's something.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Ask her what she does for fun when she's not working. If she mentions something you like to do, too. Tell her you do that, too. Then you have an opening to ask her to do that together with you sometime.

I hope she doesn't tell you she has a boyfriend. But if she does, just tell her he's a lucky guy.

yeah I'm kind of hoping that doesn't happen but yeah I want to do that. I need to know either way even if shot down.

[Talthybius]

Since you are her customer, all her niceness has to be deconvoluted. All the niceness that may or may not be added by her being a paid service person, you have to remove somehow.

I assume you 'meaningful' in 'romantically meaningful'. Then it's probably not.

Maybe she just goes to talk to you when she is bored/there are fewer customers/her collegue she liked to chat with in the kitchen isn't there. Maybe all it is is that you are there often, alone, a paying customer, and she liked to be friendly to you, just because.
We are similar, in a sense, and I sometimes feel completely 'naked' and feel like people are nice to me because they realize what I am deep inside, and they feel sorry for me. But I feel that's paranoid thinking and people are nice to you, and probably to you, because they feel like, because it makes them feel better.

Unlike you, I would never wear a shirt like that. It's kind of an invitation to 'extroverts' to come to talk to you, right?

She did ask you questions, which is a good sign. But it doesn't seem you two connected on that subject. I don't know what exactly was said and what the body language was, so maybe you did well. Maybe you did horrible. Hard to say. Anyway, you usually want to let her do most of the talking, asking her questions, but without it sounding like an interrogation. You ask a question, you comment on her answer, repeat. Then, hopefully you can say some funny, witty, interesting things that impress her, make her laugh, and make her notice you are really listening.

Whatever she doesn't know about you, she will fill in the blanks as she sees fit. If you feel you don't know her well enough to ask her out, she has less clear reasons to say 'no', if she is presupposed to going out with someone like you (be it customer/IT person/introvert/fill-in-whatever.

Say that in her mind, she would never date a 'socially inept' person. As long as she doesn't know you think you are, she may say 'yes' where she would have said 'no' if she knew y ou better.
Same with you being a chatty customer with her for 6 months, 1 year, only then ask her out. Maybe you weren't single, or something. But you not escalating stuff means something to her. In a sense, you can make up who you are as she doesn't know who you were in the past or how you and others view you. I hope you get what I am saying. I am not saying you have to ask her out the very next time. I am saying that if you think your interaction should belong on a romantic trajectory, you should nudge it that way, somehow, and make your intentions clear.

You have to be bold somehow, and have it appear natural, and not preplanned. You have to meet her when there is no service person-customer relationhip.
I know how hard it is because I am in a similar situation and the clock is ticking. It has to be me and her. It has to come up somehow. Then I can bring it up.
Same with her. She may quit her job at any moment and you will never see or talk to her again. You don't know.

Best if some shared interest comes up and you propose you can turn that into an activity and if that goes well you can propose something clearly romantic.

Anyway, it is not clear from this post and I don't remember you telling. What do you want? What is your ideal fantasy with her anyway? I assume it is romantic, but that's not explicitly stated. And what kind of romantic relationship is also of relevance.

Just my meanderings. What do I know. I assume the people that make the bold move do make a fool out of themselves, act awkward, but the other person just likes them so much, they say 'yes' anyway.

[Yoda]

You could light heartedly say you should take her out for coffee sometime.

-

[TishaBuv]

I never thought any guy made a fool of themselves for flirting with me and asking me out. If I found them attractive and felt they were a safe enough person, I often said 'yes', at least to meet them for a drink and taking my own car. If I wasn't attracted, I usually told them I had a boyfriend, and sometimes I really did have a boyfriend and had to say 'no'.

As long as you don't come off like a creep, women are flattered.

[seesaw]

There's only two answers: yes or no. If she says no, well then you finally know the answer. If she says yes, then hooray, you gotta date!

Seesaw

[TishaBuv]

Haven't you seen the movie Swingers?

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Haven't you seen the movie Swingers?

I have not.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I have not.

A great classic! You guys should all watch it!

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

A great classic! You guys should all watch it!

ahhh vince Vaughn he is pretty funny. I'll have to check it out.

Agree with Tish, at worst she will politely turn you down and be flattered, at best you've got yourself a date.

I know, it's easy for us to say, but you always come across here as such a nice friendly guy, if I were to take a bet I'd say the odds were in your favour of getting a coffee date.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Agree with Tish, at worst she will politely turn you down and be flattered, at best you've got yourself a date.

I know, it's easy for us to say, but you always come across here as such a nice friendly guy, if I were to take a bet I'd say the odds were in your favour of getting a coffee date.

wow thanks for that. what a nice thing to say... appreciate it

[Trippin2.0]

I say best to bight the bullet and invite her out.


Why?


Well if she is interested in you, her talking to you means she's giving you opportunities, and she may just figure you're the one who's not interested and stop doing so.


Which means it will be ten times harder to ask her out.


PS. If I was her and didn't have a bf I'd say yes

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Yoda

You could light heartedly say you should take her out for coffee sometime.

-

LOL....That would be cute considering where she's working

I would say that in light of the t-shirt, she maybe feels more comfortable with you...safer than normal....(I think a lot of women automatically keep up defenses because we don't want to open a door).

That's why she's flirting with you in my opinion. And she wouldn't do that if she didn't like you.

[Talthybius]

If you are like me, and read too much into the person of interest's behavior, you need to grasp your chance when you feel she gives you the best oppertunity you will get.

Two days of ignoring you, and you start to doubt yourself again, and take no action again and you have to get positive signs again to even consider it.