When I don't need help from others

There are times when I may be struggling with something and someone asks if I need help. In most cases, I accept since I could always use a little help if I absolutely need it. And vise versa. But there are times when I don't need help. Like, if I accidentally drop something but I don't have my hands full, I don't need any help picking it up. Same for carrying stuff, unless I am really struggling, and it is obvious, I usually don't need help.

When I don't need help with something and someone helps anyway even though it is very clear that their help is not needed, I somehow find it intrusive. Does anyone else feel this way? And once someone got mad at me because I politely declined help from a couple people when I clearly didn't need it. What happened was after a game night sponsored by a organization I was part of in college, we were cleaning up, and I was about to dump some remaining popcorn that no one, including me, didn't want. It was just a bit left at the very bottom of the container.

Not a big deal, wasn't a heavy container, especially since it was basically empty. I went to dump it out when a couple girls asked if I needed help. I knew them well so I knew they meant well, but I just simply didn't need it. I politely said no thanks but thanks for offering and right at that moment, the sponsor went off on me. She mentioned how it was rude that I just rejected two people from helping me and that I need to start accepting help.

The two girls right at that point went ahead to help, but I could tell by how they were acting, they felt awkward. Like they were now forced to help due to the outburst from the sponsor towards me. It made me feel like there was something wrong with not needed help if it isn't needed. If I needed it, I would ask, or accept if someone had already asked. At the end of the night when we were about to leave, she leaned in close to me and said, hey, a girl can do what a guy can do. Have a good night, see you tomorrow.

Somehow she thought I was rejecting them because they were girls,when that was not the case at all. I just simply needed help. But for some reason, she misunderstood my intentions. Also I felt like she was trying to force me to accept help when it wasn't needed and I didn't like that. I don't understand why people do that. Other times, if I am carrying something, someone will just assume I need help and just take stuff from me without asking. Is it wrong to feel annoyed over that? I just find it somewhat disrespectful.

Also is there a way to politely tell someone, especially someone with authority that when I don't need help, I am not trying to be sexist or something, I just simply don't need it? I would have done that to anyone, not just to those girls. I've accepted help from many girls in the past so I have no problem in having them help. I just didn't need it at that moment, and they were just about to walk out when she did that. They didn't say anything, but I could tell by their behavior that they felt really awkward.

In a way, I felt like her behavior was very rude and unprofessional. Her behavior was uncalled for in my opinion. But overall, I find that when people just randomly start taking things or doing other stuff without asking if they can help is a bit condescending. Like once I was carrying a cooler on my shoulder and a guy came by and said, I got this. Don't worry, and just took it. I was perfectly fine, and I didn't need help. These were just a couple examples. There are many other times, just too many to put down.

But overall, I just feel like people should ask before just assuming if I need help. I am that way with others, if I think someone may need help, I always ask first. I feel like it is intrusive to just simply assume someone is in need of assistance since it could make the person angry. Also, with situations like what happened with the sponsor, is there a way to prevent something like that again? Or like, politely stating that I had no mean intentions, and that I just didn't need anyone's help at the time?

The fact that she went on to say that girls can do what guys can do must mean she somehow thought I was judging or rejecting help due to it being two females, which really was not the case. She was one of those people that for some reason, always got the wrong impressions of me. Don't know why. Don't know if she had something against me or if I somehow came across the wrong way, which is possible. I just don't want something like that happening again and feel like I should be more assertive in a nice way if someone, like a sponsor, or anyone else with authority, goes off like that for, in my opinion, no reason at all or for a very stupid reason due to them coming to random assumptions.

Hi rdgrad15

Personally, I never feel like someone asking to help is meant to be intrusive. It's just a natural reflex in many people to offer help when someone is doing something..

One time at work, I dropped a binder and papers fell out and spread out on the floor. Someone walking by, on their way to a meeting, started to help pick them up. I smiled, said thanks, and that I could get the papers myself...there was no need for him to be late for his meeting. He still stayed and helped, just because he was nice and was raised to offer help. I thought he was just very nice, but didn't feel like he was being intrusive or disrespectful.

I think you were very polite when you declined the offer of help from the girls. Not sure what set your sponsor off...sounds like she has her own issues which then made all of you a bit uncomfortable. Sometimes we just need to take a deep breath and not let someone else's unfounded actions ruin our day. However, if this is a consistent problem with her, talk to someone higher up about these issues.

I see that you have three posts here today, so guessing an anxious day for you. Gonna send some good juju your way for a calmer tomorrow.

Thank you. Yeah I see what you mean. I just thilnk it is always a good thing to ask to make sure someone doesn't need help before assisting. It is one thing if it is so obvious that it would be stupid to ask first, but it is another if it may seem like they may be fine without help.

And yeah, with the sponsor going off on me, I do agree. I do think she just has some problems or insecurities herself and for some reason thought it was okay to lash out at me. The fact that she just assumed the worst about me probably means she saw something in me that she disliked about herself, since that was not the first time she had done that. She had a history of snapping at me for little or no reason.