[iloveplants]

I rarely feel understood on a down-to-earth level, by my husband. I am so frustrated by this. Lately, I have been in a rage and easily annoyed, or easily hurt, by him. I am trying to figure out why, and the conclusion I have come to is the usual: my husband is sometimes emotionally controlling, or doesn't have healthy emotional boundaries with me during difficult times; also, when I ask he give a bit more space, he becomes distant and uncaring (sometimes).

I generally feel stuck in life. I feel stuck in a life I am not happy with, and which does not fit my personality. I am not a person of routine without a creative outlet. I am not a very social person. I also enjoy more travel and free time than I have had, since moving back to the sprawled-out, heartless/ headless city of Los Angeles. I hate it here.

I think I need to rant, and I need to feel heard, and supported in some way. I need help making changes. I am 30 years old, and I feel stuck and controlled. I hate it. I am not in contact with relatives, nor do I have siblings. I got married this last year, and I have gone from feeling an odd expectation to be gender-specific in my marriage experience, to feeling resentful that I just do not fit that model of "wife." I never wanted to get married when I was younger, but it made sense I marry my current husband, because I love him and I like who he is. It's just the emotional part which becomes frustrating and confusing.

I feel I have nothing to do with my life. I feel my life is worthless, and I do not enjoy it. I have this week off, but I don't feel like I'm off from work in the least. I do not feel my quality of life is higher or more desirable at home, in comparison with how it is at work. I am a caretaker in someone's home, and their home feels healthier and safer to me than my own. I need home to be a safe place, or I need to move to a place which feels safer than this ****** city. The only reason I came back was to be with my husband (then- non-married partner).

[avlady]

its sad for you to be in this situation. Does your husband feel like you do? maybe a marriage counselor would be a good idea?

[TishaBuv]

Hello and welcome to PC!

Part of what your feeling might be because you are so unhappy in LA. I hope you and he can communicate and work it out.

[Bill3]

What do you love, and what do you like, about your husband?

[BipolarMama31]

Sorry you are so down.

Maybe its your husband, maybe not.
You cant change him, so my advice would be to seek help for depression (i think you are in a rut that could lead to a bad depression)
Also build a support system. Friends, group meet ups etc. LA is huge! You will find people who can relate to you.
And for tons of people big life changes can make them feel like you do now. A big move and a marriage! Those are big things!
Put yourself first and do things that make you happy.

Good luck!

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[ComfortablyNumb5]

Have you spoken to him about your boundaries and him being controlling? Perhaps having a mediator like a counselor help you guys express how you're feeling would help. I'm sorry you're hating LA. Can you get out and make some friends or join a hobby? Any friends at work?

My big question is... Are you having regrets about marrying him?

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[healingme4me]

When you tell him that you miss the freedom of travel and aren't into being Susie Homemaker, what does he say?

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[iloveplants]

Sorry for my late reply, and thank you for your response.

avlady: Yes, we are both in individual counseling, with the prospect being couple's counseling if deemed necessary.

We have been to counseling, before, though our sessions unexpectedly ceased.

This time, we are focusing on individual counseling, first.

[iloveplants]

TishaBuv:

I am starting to understand a bit about my newer symptoms, and why the pain I feel has been so extreme.

I think where we live plays a part in my dissatisfaction, and we are talking about moving. However, there are some new developments, which we are having to discuss, and which may involve our moving sooner- rather than later.

Thank you for you response and incite.

[iloveplants]

Originally Posted by Bill3

What do you love, and what do you like, about your husband?

Bill3:

We have been faced with so much difficulty over the last few months. Thank you for asking the above question. I like who my husband is. I like who he is when we are not faced with such extreme circumstances, with little know-how in regards to coping.

He and I are learning quite a bit about how to be people. We were both brought up to live a life for someone else, which entailed being very controlled by others. I am glad he is willing to learn about himself. He has been learning to improve his understanding of what I go through, rather than judge/ persecute me for how much pain I deal with. There are many other qualities I like and love about him, and I am learning which ones remain, after all of the trials we have been facing.

The negative has been clouding our lives over the past four or five months. But, we have reached a clearing, recently. More to come.

[Hayhayhay1986]

Suggest travelling somewhere together and see if he is on the same page? You are thirty! You're young and should be living a life you love! Sometimes I feel
Like I will never be content, ever, in any situation, but you have to try to make the best out of any situation and find what makes you happy!